If he won't agree to meet your needs or work on your marriage, then it is not 'communication' that is lacking. It is an unwillingness on his part to create a marriage of extraordinary care that is the problem. You are correct that if you are married to a spouse that is refusing to meet your needs or provide you with care, your next option is to separate.

That does not even take into consideration the AO's and abuse you are enduring.

But whatever advice we give you, it is irrelevant if you are more concerned about providing daycare for your grandchild than being safe, happy and mental stable.