Originally Posted By: alis
I told him that I would separate if he did not start with these principles. I didn't detail more than that - I kept it brief and I was dead serious (I really was). I admit, ShineOn, that our marriage was much younger than yours (I was pregnant with a toddler), and I understand that would be a big upheaval for you and your long-term marriage.

But keep in mind, Dr. Harley has observed women do not tolerate neglect the same as men. Men can take a lot more, emotionally. For affairs, men try to win back a spouse for six months. It's three WEEKS for women.

If you are already unwell, it may be worth considering if you need to leave. That doesn't mean divorce, it means taking steps to protect yourself.

BTW, our marriage is great today, three years later, but he knows how close it came.

LOL about the preg w/ toddler. :-)Thanks for the chuckle.

I appreciate your thoughtful reply. The comment about men and women handling neglect different is very insightful. I've had to tell H NOT to tease me like the guys at work. (They do things to make each other mad then laugh about it the next day....)
I've learned that being as brief as possible, staying on subject and not getting emotional is the best way to communicate when trying to accomplish something.

Thank you too for the comment about protecting myself. That's exactly the mode I feel I'm in now. I don't want to seem hateful or rude or that I don't love him as of course I still do deep down but it's past time for things to change and nothing I've tried thus far has worked.

I am trying to get some animals of mine sold so I am more free to go if I need to. I've looked into living options and currently like the idea of a travel trailer. Affordable and easy to relocate. Not sure about a transportation vehicle though. I've considered where to live to have good options for part time employment and still be close enough to keep my granddaughter....if the kids would permit me to do so and I think they would.

I guess I'm saying all that to say this. A threat isn't much of a threat unless the other party feels there's a good chance of follow through. I'm trying to be prepared so I can follow through if it comes to that but it will take me months to be ready to move out and I'd like to start the program asap. (Patience is something God is constantly working with me on.) My H takes time to think on things...as I believe many men do so it wouldn't surprise me at all if I have to be gone some time for him to miss me enough to work it out. I hope I'm wrong of course. Sometimes their bark is worse than their bite. I know he hates to do laundry. LOL I pray he sees the marriage as worth saving. I think he will if I can just somehow make him understand that we BOTH NEED help.

So glad your marriage is happy now. Did you do the online course? Did your H do it resentfully at first?

currently enrolled in the online program with coach