Originally Posted By: Prisca
Is there a way to search for threads where women find ways to persuade men to do counseling?

You need to first prepare for a separation. Get yourself financially independent and have a new place lined up for yourself to live.

Then present him with the MB program. Give him that chance to do what it takes to keep you. If he refuses, then separate immediately.

If he has ONE MORE AO, separate immediately, even if you aren't fully prepared to separate. Insist that he goes to anger management for at least a year before you will consider living with him again. Insist that he talks to Dr. Harley (he can do that free, so if he won't even do that, I'm not sure he's worth recovering with). Dr. Harley can help you decide if and when your husband has truly eliminated his AOs and is safe to be around again.

What separation will do in your case is speed up what's already going to happen -- if he's ever going to step up to the plate to do what it takes to keep you, this will speed it up. But if he never was going to anyway, this will spare you the pain of watching your marriage slowly die.

Originally Posted By: ShineOn
I've asked him before if there's someone else and he says there isn't. I believe him because his job takes most of his time and he has back issues that seem to decrease his drive. I wondered about online porn but he doesn't seem to be trying to hide anything from me. He knows to delete history when done browsing but he's not what I'd term "computer savvy" so if there are other ways to check/monitor I could try them. (I would have to learn what to do as I've not done anything like it before.)

Don't trust him on this. Even non-tech savvy people can hide things online -- my husband is a computer programmer that works on a genius level, and I still was able to hide things from him.

So, get some spyware on his computer and phone. Get a VAR and put it in his car. You might consider a PI that can follow him if none of that turns anything up. Verify for certain that there isn't anybody else.

Ok..so my two threads were merged which makes it a bit confusing on page three but I'm happy to see more posts regarding my situation.

Thank you Prisca for this practical plan. I hope I don't have to use it (I have some news I'll post in a moment)but knowing there are people in my corner that are kind enough to help and understand is such a relief to me and I know if I have to take this route I'll have support. Putting my thankfulness into words is difficult but perhaps having been in a similar situation you and the others who have helped me understand what I mean.

currently enrolled in the online program with coach