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Joined: Oct 2000
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POJA = "a rule for thoughtfulness"

I like concepts taken down to the basic level, that's why MB works for me.
Both logical and basic.

You ask your spouse: "What would you think about me doing (this or that) ?"

If your spouse says: "I would not like that."

If you go ahead and do it anyway , you're being thoughtless.

Simple.

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**edit**

Last edited by Fireproof; 05/02/13 10:28 PM. Reason: TOS non MB material

Romans 5:5
Amplified Bible (AMP)
5 Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us.
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Quote
Renter is willing to provide limited care as long as it's in his or her best interest. The romantic relationship is considered tentative, so the care is viewed as short-term. It's like a person who rents a house and is willing to stay as long as the conditions seem fair, or until he or she finds something better. The person is willing to pay reasonable rent and keep the house clean but is not willing to make repairs or improvements. It's the landlord's job to keep the place attractive enough for the renter to stay and continue paying rent.

What does a Renter's agreement relationship look like 17 years later?

*link* to a classic example of a long term RENTER's AGREEMENT

Edit to add:

I want as many MBers as possible to read exactly what Dr Harley wants all of us to avoid by following POJA.

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Bump!

After just having read the book BRF, I got so much more out of reading this thread again.

Highly recommend the book to anyone who hasn't read it...


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by Pepperband
POJA = "a rule for thoughtfulness"

I like concepts taken down to the basic level, that's why MB works for me.
Both logical and basic.

You ask your spouse: "What would you think about me doing (this or that) ?"

If your spouse says: "I would not like that."

If you go ahead and do it anyway , you're being thoughtless.

Simple.
I think you definitely need two people that are both signed up for the POJA theory to get the most out of this. Honesty needs to be key for the person responding. If the spouse really doesn't like the idea/action, they need to respond honestly.

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Bump

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Eileen writes about dating and Dr. Harley's book "Buyers, Renters, and Free loaders." The book discusses how the giver starts out in control, and as time goes on, the taker starts to take over.

Radio Clip


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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