Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 12 of 12 1 2 10 11 12
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
POJA = "a rule for thoughtfulness"

I like concepts taken down to the basic level, that's why MB works for me.
Both logical and basic.

You ask your spouse: "What would you think about me doing (this or that) ?"

If your spouse says: "I would not like that."

If you go ahead and do it anyway , you're being thoughtless.

Simple.

Joined: May 2013
Posts: 10
T
Junior Member
Offline
Junior Member
T
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 10
**edit**

Last edited by Fireproof; 05/02/13 10:28 PM. Reason: TOS non MB material

Romans 5:5
Amplified Bible (AMP)
5 Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for Gods love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us.
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Quote:


Renter is willing to provide limited care as long as it's in his or her best interest. The romantic relationship is considered tentative, so the care is viewed as short-term. It's like a person who rents a house and is willing to stay as long as the conditions seem fair, or until he or she finds something better. The person is willing to pay reasonable rent and keep the house clean but is not willing to make repairs or improvements. It's the landlord's job to keep the place attractive enough for the renter to stay and continue paying rent.



What does a Renter's agreement relationship look like 17 years later?

*link* to a classic example of a long term RENTER's AGREEMENT

Edit to add:

I want as many MBers as possible to read exactly what Dr Harley wants all of us to avoid by following POJA.

Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,448
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,448
Bump!

After just having read the book BRF, I got so much more out of reading this thread again.

Highly recommend the book to anyone who hasn't read it...


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,254
Likes: 2
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,254
Likes: 2


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,254
Likes: 2
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,254
Likes: 2


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,254
Likes: 2
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,254
Likes: 2


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 21
K
KPT Offline
Junior Member
Offline
Junior Member
K
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 21
Originally Posted By: Pepperband
POJA = "a rule for thoughtfulness"

I like concepts taken down to the basic level, that's why MB works for me.
Both logical and basic.

You ask your spouse: "What would you think about me doing (this or that) ?"

If your spouse says: "I would not like that."

If you go ahead and do it anyway , you're being thoughtless.

Simple.

I think you definitely need two people that are both signed up for the POJA theory to get the most out of this. Honesty needs to be key for the person responding. If the spouse really doesn't like the idea/action, they need to respond honestly.

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Bump

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,254
Likes: 2
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,254
Likes: 2
Eileen writes about dating and Dr. Harley's book "Buyers, Renters, and Free loaders." The book discusses how the giver starts out in control, and as time goes on, the taker starts to take over.

Radio Clip


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Page 12 of 12 1 2 10 11 12

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 12 guests, and 65 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
bb1471, OTDL2001, DexterWalsh, Roja jayakumar, MarriageIsWork
71,659 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,523
Posts2,322,497
Members71,660
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5