Hi everyone:<p>Please help me figure this out- I have read the MB principles and Im trying to apply them to the best of my ability, but its hard and I know I may not be applying them like I should.<p>Just a short summary.<p>My WW had an EA/PA for about 1 year now. I had a suspicion but never acted or communicated to her about it. I figure that is something I should not bring up and would be a slap in the face for any spouse, if i was wrong. Well, I recently discovered my suspicions were right around early March. I did a very short plan A , and couldnt take it anymore, so I moved out early April. Since our separation, I am still communicating with her when I pick up the kids and we still have very minimal phone contact, not about true feelings, but just about events in the course of our days. I guess I am separated while still doing plan A, since I didnt write a no - contact plan B letter. My plans are to give it 6 months or so to see if I/We still want the M to work out. The OM recently , a week after our separation, moved out of state. They are still having contact via phone & emails. I asked her if she wants to D. She told me twice now , no. Even with all the evidence presented to her , she still denies the EA/PA (i cant figure that one out). There is no question, she is in the fog. This is mainly because I wasnt there for her. I have acknowledged that to her and apologized for that. I know I have to give her time & space, im doing that. As for me, one day I want the M to work and another day I dont, i guess that is the rollercoaster everyone is talking about.<p>Sorry for the rambling... my questions are can I be separated and plan A? Is that effective? Or a question for myself is do i want to rebuild? Since the OM is out of state, should i use this opportunity to make deposits, even tho she still have contact with OM? ----The separation makes me feel better since I taken myself away from the madness and I have created a busy schedule for myself and my 2 children. I know I am 'sitting on the fence' now, but i dont know what to do as i do not want to make a hasty decision. Again i know im just rambling out my frustrations but any insight or comments would be greatly appreciated.<p>
I am a Confused Dad.

Hi c_o,<p>Q: Can I do Plan A while separated?<p>A: Definitely! In fact, it's often easier since you don't have to observe WS behavior that amounts to in-your-face rejection on a daily basis.<p>Plan A is as much an attitude and philosophy for me than anything - it's an approach to life that is focused around the Plan A'er first and foremost. The idea is that the WS may notice that you are, in fact, changing - and that can make them curious, even from a distance.<p>If your WW has given you some hints about what made her angry / upset, that's a good place to start in working on your Plan A "changes". You'll also want to think of ways to indirectly "show off" these changes to WW, when you can - without coming across as pushy or clingy.<p>I also recommend lots of reading... "Surviving an Affair", "Love Must Be Tough", "Passionate Marriage", etc., etc.