Here is some background:
In plan B and its over<p>Well....Slip-up on Plan B....WW stops by, wanting to talk about DV...Wants a peaceful one. Of course, other discussions follow..(Her lead)<p>Says confused....slipped and saw OM once...Don't know if she'll be able to stop....He really meets her EN's....Says he feels same (He is M with W and D.) Tells her he wants to leave....My WW says that she knows that it will never work, though.<p>I sit and listen to her ramble on.....Says OM very jealous, protective type. Stingy, Greedy, whatever you want to call it. Not at all like me, letting her live her life and giving to her anything she wanted except EN's.<p>Informs me that really has been a 2 year affair instead of 1 year and one-nighter (original story), and have been PA a lot more than she let on. (Wanting to get all this off her chest). Says he really pays attention to her (she says this she is under his "spell" or something). Talks about him being like a "close girlfriend" (?)<p>She was real comfortable talking to me about all of this. I really (surprisingly) did not LB. All I ever said that she had to break ALL contact in order to get her head on straight. She said she knew that. I let her do most of the talking, and did not "down" her OM in any way.<p>Maintains through entire conversation that sex played absolutely no part in relationship as to her decision to see him, was all about EN's. Something I never gave. Sure that I would always hold it over her head. Never let her live it down. Let her talk about his qualities, my qualities. Said OM is more "like" her, more compatable in lots of ways, perfectionist, etc.<p>Also says she feels "content" more than ever. (Possibly due to fact can still receive EN from him, while I sit here wanting Her?)<p>Geez...I can honestly say most painful experience that I have ever went through. Making ME have second thoughts...Many emotions going on in MY head now...Anger...Hurt...Can I ever have a life with her without being miserable (jealous, wondering?).<p>I WANT TO WAKE UP FROM THIS NIGHTMARE !!!!!!!!<p>She says wished we had divorced years ago, when I ALMOST had A. (Was propositioned, thought about seriously, but said NO!) She's trying to palce that on same level as her A. (Get Real)<p>Also asked me how I discovered so much, WHY I wanted to find out so much. Let me know she is still pissed that I went and obtained cell phone records. (Our cell-phone, just she carried it.) In other words, somehow wanting to blame me for finding out!<p>Still on this "friend" kick. She started her own bank accounts. I said no problem, I can understand that. Trying to be nice here to her.<p>But now I am getting in the "fog".<p>Can I ever really live with her again?
Can I trust her again?
Can I shut out the pictures in my mind?<p>And then....<p>Yes...I love her very much!
Yes...I want to rebuild our marriage!
Yes...I desperately think I want to!<p>And then...<p>The *%&##) )%*%*# !!!!!
How could she?
Man...I would really like to ??????<p>HELP !!!!!<p>
HCII