WS angry all the time... totally focusing on how terrible I am... when he lashed out at me verbally... I start to fall apart.. tonight I cried and cried... I am tired and lacking sleep... so right now... going to lay down... I had a beer. and have been tapering off my anti d's since I have no insurance now... since I could not afford to pay cobra which ws was paying but his severence is now blown.... and he only has some side or part tiem work and no real job... I have good paying contrac t job.. and may still find a way to get meds... i cried so much tonight it is crazy... he again told me I call too much, I am too fat... I have treated him badly for 10 years... I need to lose 50 pds... more like 25-30- but it is just insane.. he is SOOO MEAN.... and no nice words... he says when he does not contrib. money for kids... well just let them live with me... tongiht I weas tired and worn and really just wanted a nap when arriving home from work... or maybe some adult friendship or conversation or caring... I called ws... his answer.. kids can live with me... sorry he does not have money.. he is willing to let them stay there.. he is actually keeping little one who is 3 tonight which will give me a little rest.. wow... after yelling at me on the phnoe.my head is still pounding from the headache.''<p>thanks, honey

{{{{{honey}}}}}<p>sending you a big hug!!!!!<p>You know the routine... you stuck you arm in the lion's pit, and got bit! You knew that.... right? [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] I won't fuss at ya. You were hoping to pet the little kitten... but forgot the lion lives there.<p>Relax tonite.. get some rest. <p>How was your weekend retreat?

You are so right faith1, he actually called early this am and was very nice? the kitten again... funny he is a leo.... that will def. help me remember the analogy.! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>the retreat was so awesome... just no housework done! I am feeling so much better and empowered after being around so many women who have been through this road of being lied to and cheated on... etc.. married to men who obsessed with porn/ "beaut", "perfect" women, etc. Objectifying us!<p>I am just loving what I got from the retreat and the new friends I made... the place was beautiful and wonderful... decorated oh so country with beaut. furnishings and linens,e tc.<p>a little pond, nice trails to walk on .. beaut. flowers, etc. and no men, and no putdowns, etc.<p>wow! all wonderful caring and sharing women! great gourmet level food all brought in by the cosa women.<p>Thanks faith1 for remeinding me again of my beaut. weekend... <p>at least this time... when the lion growled, etc... I wanted to get away.. not try to talk the lion into being a kitten...<p>that is something I learned this weekend...<p>that all the explaining, rationalizing or telling of our view to bring "them" around to it... wont do it...they actually called it raging... to explain, explain and explain trying to bring soemone to see your point....<p> <p> [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I feel so much better not doing that. <p>I learned a couple of responses to his mean words...<p>1. Ouch
2. I'm Hurt<p>that is it... no rationalizing , explaining , etc.<p>Boy did those responses work well last night.... I think it gives the ws something to think about on his point of view.<p>I also learned how typical it is of the saddict... if that is what my h is... well the maid issues surely point to at least a partial problem in that area...<p>to BLAME and BLAME and rage at us.. the codependent of the sa.... learning to take care of me is not taking this anymore!<p>Yea! So glad I can see that.<p>This group of strong and growing women was fantastic , I urge you to find a group even if you only partially retlate to the sa problem... there were women there who only had h's who supposedly only look at the internet prn... and nothing else... maybe the strip clubs.. too... well, we know there may be more!????<p>Anyway, it was wonderful... I will elaborate more.. but I have to get to work.<p>
thanks for replying and being a friend faith1!
Honey [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Honey, you know this, but I'm going to tell you anyway. He's transferring his feeling of guilt and shame into anger at you. Are you in Plan B? If so, stay away from him as much as possible. I know you want him to magically turn into the sweet man you married, but it's not going to happen until he's to a place where he can accept the pain he's caused you, repent of it, and love you for who you are. You can't force him to grow up dear. Sometimes we have to turn fools over to their own self destruction. I know this is hard when we love someone, but if you don't he's going to pull you all of the way down with him.<p>God Bless You, Jamup

thanks Jamup, glad that he actually feels bad somewhere.. I am wondering where the man I married disappeared to?<p>HOney

Hi Honey!
Here is a Link to some excellent articles:<p>Coude/Towsend Articles<p>This one sticks out for me most that relate to this post: <p>Safe People<p>Here is a blurb from it:<p>In the book Safe People, John Townsend and I defined a person of safe character as someone who:<p>Draws me closer to God <p>Draws me closer to others <p>Helps me become the person God created me to be
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<p>These guys: Cloude and Townsend are EXCELLENT Christian Authors. The articles are about the books they have written. Read the articles when you get a chance then decide which books to get.<p>I'm sorry you are going through this. Your hubby is NOT safe and it harmful to you right now. I don't have any other advise...just a great big hug:
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Honey}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Here is another good response to his mean words:<p>"I'm sorry you feel that way."<p>It allows him to have his feelings BUT puts the responsibility on him to handle it.

thanks again! I will look at link as soon as a break allows it.. thanks luvnprotect, HONEY

Wow, I read the first link and loved it... thanks !