Has anyone else dealt with this ? MY WS finally initiated S after about a year, since then it has been infrequent, which I understand, but lately, it seems to have come to a halt. I am wondering if this is something I should expect or if it has some other meaning. I don't think there is any contact with OM. I don't think it is a lack of desire for S on her part ( She doesn't know I know about the her stash of "videos" and device, and I know that she has at least taken that out on several occasions ( at least 2 -3 times a week). so I'm feeling like it's just the thought of my involvement that's the problem. This makes me feel lots of different things like anger, resentment, inadequacy and undesirable. I have kept these emotions to my self, but I know it's time to address this. My question is how best to bring this up and should I tell her I know about her stash ? Anyone dealing with this or have any advise ?

IMHO:<p>When the sex stops, BEWARE. It is a sign that she is not getting her needs met or their is a communication problem about sex. You should use sex as a big warning bell. DING!!! DING!!! DING!!!<p>Do not tell her about her STASH. She will probably be very upset and she probably will withdrawl from you further. You need to never never never bring this up. This would be a major LB. What I see here is a lack of communication. You have created this vise because you have not dealt with the feelings as soon as they came out. You have probably subconsiously made sex seem uncomfortable to her.<p>Do not bring sex up. Remember more than likely sex is only a warning bell for deeper problems. You need to get here to open up about her feelings for you. Describe to her that you are getting the feeling that she is withdrawling from you and ask her what is wrong. She may not tell you the first time, so be persistant and keep asking in more understanding and loving ways until she tells you or gets mad. Stop just before she gets too angry. She may just come out and say that she is disapointed in the sex.<p>I would also recommend that you read "Mars and Venus in the Bedroom." I had similiar problems in my marriage with my WW and this helped me understand sex and learn to comunicate about sex. Unfortunately, my WW is still having a PA/EA so I am not interested in trying to get my SF needs filled mainly because I do not wish to cause more tension. It is difficult to have the passion I have for my WW now and not act on it.<p>Good luck. I hope this helps.