Layli,
Don't get discouraged. This is the way it is. MOST of us don't have the blessing of a spouse that immediately and willingly ends the A upon discovery; for me...9 very long, very painful, very desperate months. Tears come to my eyes as I write this, just thinking about it.<p>Plan A is about you. About making a better you; a stronger you, a more attractive you. If you are lucky enough that the A reaches its natural conclusion during this time, fabulous! you are then ready to start recovery. Everything you do during Plan A is about making yoursefl better, and giving the WS the chance to see that you love them, care for them, are willing to change, correct, improve. But this only tangentially affects the WS; it is not meant to make the WS change their mind, it is only meant to make you stronger while the A runs its course.<p>Plan A does do a lot of good, because it prepares you to be on your own if it comes to that, and it sets the stage for Plan B if it comes to that. If, during Plan A, you reach the point where your love for the WS has diminished close to the point of ending, then you must save what is left of it and go to Plan B. If during Plan A the A reaches its natural end, then you have set the groundwork to bring your spouse into the process as a full partner and work towards recovery.<p>And yes. We all feel discouraged and alone during this period. We are doing all the work, all the giving, all of it. And getting very little in return; except the knowledge that WE will be better for having done it. And that, my dear Layli, is a VERY good thing!<p>Be strong, be better, be the very best you can be as a person and as a human being! And have faith!<p>[ June 20, 2002: Message edited by: Spacecase ]</p>
