Well for those of you who have followed my story, my W and I reached a custody agreement a few weeks ago (so I thought). She would have our daughter M/T/F/S/Su one week and we would reverse it the next. I agreed to let our daughter go to school wherever my W lives. The day I called the mediator to tell him we reached an agreement, my W told me she wanted to change it to set days during the week. She proposed she would have our daughter on M/Th and I have her T/W, rotating weekends. I wasn't crazy about that because she would get her five days straight on her weekends. I suspected she wasn't forthcoming with her reason for changing. I found out last week she was offered a PT job bartending/waitressing on T/W nights and weekends at a golf course. She said she would have to work a second job if she wanted to stay in the area we now live so our daughter would not have to change daycares and would be able to go to better schools next year. She was willing to let me take our daughter to dinner or something one night during her five day stretch. I have no problem with the agreement because it will be best for our daughter, but I was upset that she didn't tell me from the begining why she wanted to change days. After being lied to for so long, I just wish she would have told me the truth from the start, but I decided to let it go. It could work out better for me financially. I guess she's finally starting to see the financial realities of getting divorced.<p>Once we notify the mediator of the agreement and the lawyers dot the i's and cross the t's, I'll be moving out. I simply can't continue to live this way. It's just too painful. We'll have to sell the house eventually, but right now I just need to get out. Steve Harley advised me that it was time to do that. It's been almost 8 months since she filed and she has taken no steps towards the D. Nothing has changed.<p>If this is the life she wants, I'll let her have it. If working FT and PT and raising a child half the time is a better option than trying to restore our marriage, that's her choice to live with. I wonder how long she'll be able to do it?<p>sad dad<p>P.S. For those of you who don't know, she has never admitted her EA or shown any remorse, guilt or desire to save our marriage, but she also appears to be in no hurry to move on. I believe OM is no longer in the picture. The whole thing is very puzzling.<p>[ June 23, 2002: Message edited by: sad dad ]<p>[ June 23, 2002: Message edited by: sad dad ]</p>

It is very puzzling in deed. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] I'm sorry. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I can't remember... Is your W seeing a counselor? Seems like she may just need help figuring out what she wants. <p>I'm talking to my ex now, you know. He seems to feel pretty stupid about the whole thing. He admits he was selfish, the A was wrong, bla bla... but still tries to justify how he was unhappy in the marriage... yet he wants to be best friends. I don't understand our WS's that when EVEN the A is over (like yours) or after the D (like mine), they want to be friends, but are not willing to work on the MARRIAGE. If we're soooo compatible as friends, and the passion was there ONCE, .... <sigh>... I dunno. I guess we believe - from the Harleys - that the passion can be rekindled... when we learn to meet each others' needs.<p>I guess I'm just thinking your W is scared to actually walk away. Scared to lose you. Scared to lose her "life" as it was - or at least the good parts about it. Like MY ex is scared to lose MY friendship. <p>I wish she would realize (same for all WS's) the treasure in YOU - and that you are WORTH staying married to. That YOU may not be perfect, but whatever life she thinks she's going to find out there isn't perfect either.<p>My ex says over and over, "I learned my lesson. The grass is NOT greener on the other side."<p>I'm glad you are going to move out. And Plan B too, right?

Faith1,<p>Thanks for the support and the kind words. I think your ex wants to remain friends because that was probably the best part of you and he is having trouble letting that go. But you know and he knows it's all or nothing.<p>No, she has never gone to counseling. I asked her to talk to Steve, but she wouldn't. I think you may be right that my W's scared. Scared she may actually get what she wants and lose what she has. You know the saying, "you don't appreciate what you have 'til it's gone".
Now that my W's all but gone I really appreciate what I had. Maybe she will when I'm gone. I am FAR from perfect, but I'm a good person, a great father and I've always put my family first. <p>Plan B will be hard with a young child. I'm not sure I will do that. Do you plan B if you think the EA is over? That might make this even more difficult on my daughter. Maybe just minimal contact. I'll see what Steve says. Thanks!<p>sad dad<p>[ June 24, 2002: Message edited by: sad dad ]</p>