Last night as I was picking up the kids, my neighbor came over and asked if she could talk to me in private, which caught me off-guard because I only talk to them in passing.<p>Well, she told me that last week WW and her talked for a while (I remember the night) and apparently WW got pretty smashed over there. WW told her everything about OM, the A, our relationship, her suicide attempt and how she still feels like killing herself. This neighbor felt like she needed to tell me because it really was bothering her and she felt like I should know what WW said (said she figures I already knew, but just needed to clear her conscience)<p>She then asked me how I was doing with all this and I told her that quite frankly, I don't really care anymore, that I have been living with this for almost a year, nothing has changed, and I can no longer continue like this. She said she knew that I no longer lived in the house and asked me what I was planning on doing. I told her that if nothing changes by the end of the summer, I will file for D and move on without her.<p>Then the neighbor told me how much she admires my strength and perseverance during this and how it is so obvious to her that I still love WW and wants things to work out. She said that when her and WW were talking, she felt like slapping her in the face and telling her to wake up and smell the coffee, that you have a wonderful H who loves you and is willing to work through this and that all OM is doing is using her for his own needs and really doesn't care about WW at all. I guess she also told WW that there is no such thing as an amicable divorce, that it will have a serious affect on everyone and any relationship they have after that. This neighbor and her H are both on their second M's and she says that the D was really hard on everyone and even this second M is strained because of it.<p>That was so nice to hear a third-party acknowledge that I am doing the right thing. It really made me feel good to know my efforts are not in vain and that there are other people who agree with me about how wrong the A is and what kind of person OM really is. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>On another note, [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] strange things are a-happening with WW. Yesterday she asked me to get the paperwork started whereby she could assume the mortgage on the house, claimed it would benefit me if I didn't have this on my credit history. I didn't even respond to that one, not a chance in h*** am I just going to give her the mortgage. At the very least, I'll refinance it after a D, split the equity and then let her assume it. But, that will have to be spelled out very specifically in any D agreement.<p>She also asked for more time and space from me (storm warning flags up again, something is brewing) saying that she needed it to figure out what it is she wants to do. I told her that I have given her all I can and don't think there is much more time or space left in me. I also told her that I know her and OM are still involved in at least an EA. She denied this, saying that she only talks to him occasionally and he doesn't mean anything to her anymore. I have a hard time believing this yet because from what I gather, she still talks or emails him everyday. From what I gather, she is doing a lot more emailing and my guess is that since he is unemployed, he doesn't have as much access or privacy to a phone. Oldest D's even commented on how bad of a mood WW has been in lately, I said it is because of the death of her uncle, they said she has been like this for a few weeks and this is the same way she was when her and OM were "going together".<p>Just gotta keep distancing myself from WW. Yes, she has made some indications lately that the A is dying and that she is starting to show some remorse for what has happened, even asked once "where did we go wrong?". But so far, its only been lip service, no actions to back it up. And, as long as OM is still in the picture, I know recovery cant start, so until then, I'm just letting go. Any movement forward is going to have to come from her now.

LHS,<p>I am proud of U. Yes, others do notice. See our efforts are not for naught! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Whether the M recovers or ends, you have made notable progress. If the M ends, it is not because you have not given your best. It takes 2 to make an M work. So even perfect effort can still lead to a D. <p>Keep up the good work. This MB stuff and each of us supporting each other along with our individual efforts does pay off. <p>take care,
L.

Yes, it does feel really good to have someone acknowledge your efforts. And, to have the neighbor verify what I knew all along about how destructive the A is and how OM is simply using WW also makes me feel good. This is the second person in a week (BF was the first with her email) who has basically said the same thing. Kinda weird to think why this has happened, I don't really believe in coincidences, maybe God is trying to show me something but I am too wrapped up in my own worldly problems too see it. Its just so aggravating [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] to see her continue this when everyone knows what the truth is, wonder why she cant see it, it seems so obvious.<p>Yesterday S wanted me to come over and help him do a craft project. While I was there, I tried to avoid WW as much as possible and limited my conversations with her. She was out in front and I could tell she was trying to see what OM was doing (he was outside too, but was being very elusive) so I just stayed away from her and let her do her thing. I wont allow myself to be a part of that anymore.<p>What I have realized is that for now, there is absolutely nothing I can do to help WW. She has to do this on her own and hopefully she can come to a point where she can end ALL contact with OM, push him out of her life completely and then come back to the M. But, it has to be on her own free-will and until she reaches that point, I will continue to keep my distance and let her make own decisions.