ANyone , lets make a list... maybe this will help me in my challenged area:
1. He doesnt respond well to my calls
2. do not pursue
3. do not try to fix
4. make him wonder
5. better things to do! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
6. past phone calls do not get result I want- in fact drive him away

Ok, here's my start- please chime in.. this is my challenge from now until sunday... NO CALLS! yea! now if he calls I will not answer and let him leave a message..or keep it super brief if he does- I am busy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

HONEY

1. To help him respect you
2. To let him know you're not available on his terms
3. To detach yourself
4. To avoid pain
5. To become stronger
6. To take care of your life

Big HUG!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Ok Honey - 1. You do not need the aggravation.
2. With his recent behavior he does
not deserve the time of day from you.

Stay strong do not call - it will only make you upset and obviously it will not phase him in the least. So don't call you are better than him and you shouldn't be going through this day after day after day...

Great list Honey!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

1. Its an act of loving yourself (you don't deserve his verbal abuse)

2. Its an act of loving him (you love him too much to allow him to continue in his destructive ways)

3. Its an act of loving your kids (they are learning what is acceptable and not acceptable in a marriage by watching you two).

4. It is practicing self control which will help in all areas of life.

5. It is practicing patience (the next phone call will not heal your marriage - it will take much more than that)

6. It is taking responsibilty for your life and your happiness by not allowing his negative behaviors in. When he is ready to be a positive influence in your life - you will know...he will be pursistant and consistant.

Great job Honey!!!

Honey,
Did you read my duct tape post to you? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Even if you don't actually duct tape the phone closed, a small strip on each phone can be a visual & tactile reminder without leaving lists for your kids to see.

hi and thanks... I think I am a phonaholic... I think talking, communicating can solve this... so driven to do so.... but not in this case ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> remembver that now!

I am tired of all of this! aggh! I make a living talking and communicating and this is hard.. it is in my blood to call!

thanks, HOney

Honey - you said it yourself it is in your blood to call to communicate - so if you don't do it - isn't he going to wonder ??? What the heck is going on?? Just put it out of your mind - I know way easier said than done but see if by some odd chance he might call you..... Good Luck...

Every time you feel the urge to call him... post it on here! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Start another thread (or use this one - whatever you want), and vent it out at MB!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I can totally relate to your wanting to call your H. I talked to my H at LEAST once every day during our separation. I always found an excuse to call him, even if it was just to say "hi". And even though I was usually calling about the kids (to ask him to come and visit them, for example), I was pushing him further away each time.

I found it extra hard, because for our ENTIRE relationship, we had never gone more than one day without talking to each other.

And sadly... do you know what it took for me to not want to call him? Plan B. I was at the point where my love bank was so low, that I honestly didn't give a 'hoot' about him anymore.

At the start of my recovery, my H explained to me that one of the things he really wanted was just a few days of 'relief' from my phone calls. He said that if I had stopped calling him earlier, that we probably would have started our recovery earlier too. Maybe that's how your H feels too?

Karen

thanks for continued support.. just had an urge to call for guess what MONEY- I havent seen enough or any in a while...and I need some... any advice?

Hugs, HONEY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

bump, stressing- just got a bill dumped on me from my parents that I have to pay... and I need money.... he needs to contribute something... it is so unfair to do this all alone??/ would an email be oK?

HONEY

I think the best way to handle the money is legally. I don't think talking to him will do any good. He is a grown man and should know/care about his responsibilities. You shouldn't have to ask. I know this won't be an overnight quick fix but I don't think a phone call/email will be either. Find out how you can legally get $$$ from him.

problem is this man does not have a JOB, works irregularly for odd job websites he is building... barely pays his bills... he worked at metro for a few wks.. now who knows?

thanks a million, I know I will have to pay to file. and not having enough money right now is stress, partially my poor budgeting... but I dont like being on too tight of a budget thanks to his irresponsible behavior! AGHHHHH! thanks a million. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Thanks, HONEY

Honey,

YOu are going to have to file, sorry. Just because you file doesn't mean you will divorced right away. I filed a yr ago & we still aren't divorce.

I am looking into the prices right now... I make too much for all the stupid legal aid people and it is not fair, all home expense dumped on me... we used to make almost 3x this, together.,

AGGH!

H <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Honey - you might be able to go to court for temporary child support - Call a lawyer - I mean the judge will probably tell him get a job at McDonalds or something you have responsibilities - How does he have money to entertain woman and drink?? You have got to get tough - I actually just went to a womans group and they told me I need to take a stand for myself - You also need to take a stand....

Every call you make only PUSHES him away and has the opposite effect from what you want.

Further, Honey, do you know what the definition of INSANITY is?? It is making the same mistake over and over again but expecting different results! Stop calling him! Love ya!

thanks, I have not called... yea! I did send a very firm but polite email to which I got a ... I am working on it... but I am broker than you ... reply.... AGGH! what an idiot.... seriously, at this pt , my love is dying.

This is about a drunken lifestyle choice... not me! and I am tired of being crazy because he is so irresponsible.

hugs and thanks to all of you friends... by the way... I am saving up now for my retainer fee... another decision made today... I dont want to ask my parents for it... they will loan it... but I want to pay it myself since it is for child support.... I do not want the divorce really, but for him to wake up... I know he may not.... but I want legal ramifications should he not pay me.... ! which he has not been suffering... AGGH@

thanks and hugs, HONEY

Honey,
Please don't e-mail him...it's the same as a phone call. You're going to have to work this out yourself and he'll be surprised when you do. That in itself could be a wake up call. As long as he thinks you can't make it without him, he'll continue to treat you badly. Don't contact him in any way whatsoever...don't even talk to his friends or family. Go cold turkey.

he needs to pay more money- this is not fair, he is out at bars nightly... ! no, not emailing again today through sunday... one email was enough... perhaps wkly... I have to ck on money! It is unfair to shirk responsibilities and without a pain or reminder that he is irresponsible he will gladly not pay me.

I am sav ing for the retainer...

thanks, H

Honey do they have lawyers in Texas who will take a divorce case and recover the fees from your H?

You're right it's not fair but it's fact now and it seems filing is the only way you will ever see a cent.