Has anyone ever done things to let their WS hit the bottom even quicker? I am talking about while in Plan B. What I am referring to is that my wife(WS) moved out and left me with a lot of bills on the house as well as other things I am stuck paying. Of course since the beginning I have been delt the short end of the stick. I don't wish anything bad upon my wife at all. But I do ask myself as why I don't let things happen that will just make her hit the bottom quicker and end all of this cake eating. Everyone who knows my wife says to me that once she hits bottom she will realize what she has done and then she will want to work on the relationship. The bad part is nobody knows when that might happen. So I wonder why I don't call our car insurance people and say my wife is living down town which she is and let them increase her payment by almost double. Why should my wife still get to eat her cake and not have to really face the real world? Should I be making my wife pay half of our mortgage? Also I am stuck paying half of my wife's fitness membership which we can't break because we signed up for a year. Do I ask my wife for money for things I am stuck with that is half her's? Do I keep protecting and trying to provide for my wife who isn't really there any more in the true definition to us all as a wife?
So do I help my wife stay a float or do I just sort of treat her in the way she has done me? Everyday I find myself helping someone who doesn't want to be there for me. The dentist office called and my wife missed her appointment and they probably kicked in a late fee. I am tired of first paying all of these bills and second my wife isn't helping me out like she said she would. What do I do? Do I help her swim or let her sink?

confused guy: I think you should definitely be making your wife pay 1/2 of the bills. She needs a good dose reality and with your supporting her, it won't happen. You probably should consult an attorney and find out your rights. That doesn't mean you have to file for divorce, just get some advice to protect yourself.

Definitely protect yourself first. Believe me, you have no idea what she might be capable of. My XW tried a few things to sock it to me and I've been able to avoid all but 1 and I have my attorney working on that. Just be fair and not malicious. She is on her own now and needs to see what it is like.

I have taken this approach to my XW and she has not been holding it against me as far as I can tell. I think it is helping her to realize how much I did for her.

When HER creditors would call my house I'd make sure I gave them her new name, address and phone number. She never said a word about it. Even though she knew I had to be the source of the info. I have to admit that gave a perverse sense of satisfaction. Let the OM deal with creditors calling his house and bounced checks.

Don't add any lead to the situation, but make sure any lead that is improperly placed in your boat finds its way to the rightful owner.

I am queen of doormats...make her pay her share. It will do you both a world of good.

Well, what made my W hit bottom may not be the best way, but it's what happened to me. I simply gave up hope and slept with another woman. Then I told my wife that I knew about her A, and that I had slept with someone (it started our Radical Honesty policy that day) and she saw that I was starting to slip away from her, too. Almost like I was moving on, and that hit home with her. She now is wanting to spend more time with me, and we actually have our first date in over 4 months this Saturday. What's sad is that I now have a girlfriend, too, so I'm in quite a pickle. My advice to you is DO NOT get involved with another woman, but simply show your W that you will not be a doormat, and you WILL carry on in life and enjoy it without her. Work out, party a little bit, go visit friends or family that you've lost touch with, go on a trip, whatever it takes to get over her. She'll notice your new independence, and she'll get jealous. Before you know it, she'll be back begging for a second chance. Might not happen, but reading everyone's stories here, it is very common.

nasakid:

Sorry, CG, for the sidebar to your thread, but Nasakid: I thought you said you didn't sleep with that GF in your other thread? What the?

<small>[ August 06, 2002, 06:41 PM: Message edited by: 2long ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So do I help my wife stay a float or do I just sort of treat her in the way she has done me? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I like the way your thinking on your whole post except this above quote. The things you are talking about doing (giving her 1/2 the bills) is NOT treating her like she is treating you. It is:
1) protecting yourself
2) allowing your wife to be responsible for herself.
3) tough love
I think if you do the same action: giving her 1/2 the bills with a different thought process: the above 3...then you will have more peace about doing it AND it will be in a way she may someday respect not resent.

confused_guy,

I think you are asking if you should do something to harm your WW? O.K. I sometimes feel the same way, but remember us BS's are choosing the high road. Do not stoop to their level. The A will end. Give it some time to die on its own. You want her to remember you the way you were in Plan A. That is what will make her want to come back to your, right. Sit tight. Suck it up. You have a time limit for Plan B, right? You will not need to be a doormat much longer.

Keep on the high road.

DL - Cham

I'm for the reality plan. It isn't right that she continue to have her cake and eat it too... ESPECIALLY if you are in plan B. Plan B is about protecting yourself. Is paying her way protecting you? I doubt it.

She moved out. She wants her new "independant" lifestyle <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> , right? Why not just give her what she's asking for?

Your best bet is to do things all legal. If you haven't already received legal advice (from a lawyer in your area - not just from bits and pieces on MB), then I strongly urge you to do so. They will give you a far better idea of what you CAN do legally. Once you have that knowledge, you can work with it to do what you WANT to do.

When I was going the legal route when my H and I were separated, I had a friend refer to my actions as: "lighting the way along the path of destruction he made for himself". So yeah, IMO, you should help her to sink.

Karen

I totally agree and support the reality plan, it will help her hit bottom..... do what is fair, right now you are doing your unfair share of the responsibilities, make her take 1/2. You don't have to me mean about things, but do what is fair. If she wants to get divorced, show her what life is going to be like being divorced, it will help her hit bottom and make reality set in. I know from my case when I cut off the extra financial support, WS hit bottom alot quicker.
Dave

Thanks for all the replies and I do appreciate the input. My big problem right now is that I don't have much money. In order to get legal advice on what my wife is responsible for as far as paying I would have to pay a lawyer. Does anyone know what my wife is responsbile for by law for paying?
I have been getting the short end of the stick till now and I don't want to keep getting stuck with this end of the stick. Any info on the legal part? Anybody have any ideas on trying to keep the cost of a lawyer down?
Since I am so short on money and my wife hasn't sent me any like we agreed upon. I did send her an email today saying that I needed the money we agreed upon but I have not heard back to her. Usually my wife is glued to her email so I am sure she got it. I just hate all of this b.s.

Confused Guy -

I am not a legal beagle, but common sense will rule here. She is partially responsible for maintaining the house. To be safe figure her percentage of income to yours and use that for financial obligations. Or check the internet for your state's standard practices for deciding finances for divorced couples without children.

My input........ANYTHING in her name alone (fitness club, etc.) stop paying for now! Notify her that you are stopping payment. Start tracking the payments you have made and are making on items that are in both names. This would be part of any final settlement. Protect yourself!
Good Luck and God Bless.
Gib

<small>[ August 08, 2002, 04:24 PM: Message edited by: Gibby1 ]</small>