Replaced:

Oh my, your name choice really makes my heart go out to you. I'm guessing it's probably an accurate description of how you feel - especially after 30 years!

I fully agree with your #1 and #3. If only my H would "spill his guts" to me like he used to, instead of spending just about every night on the phone talking to at least one of his 2 female friends. (This was happening long before my affair - and got worse after. Now they are the only people he spends time with it seems.) Also, I feel like he listens to me less, or at least less attentively, like I'm producing some background noise he has to put up with, not something he values and has interest in.

Gotta add those to my list in my journal. Thanks for making me realize those needs!

Jen

Jen,

"I need my H's close friends to be MEN, not women".

Absolutely. You couldn't have said it better. I would say that right now that is my #1 need.

Yes my name choice is an accurate description of what happened to me and he even said "I knew exactly what I was doing and I enjoyed it".

Some would say what a horrible and cruel thing to tell your wife. But guess what? It was so gut spilling, radically honest that the truth icreased my respect for him which in turn increased my love for him. That is why gut spilling is so important to me, his trusting me and respecting me enough to let it all hang out.

Replaced

<<<<<bump>>>>>

C'mon, ladies the guys need to know.

What Pepper wants from Mr. Pepper:

Emotional connection
Safety in his arms
Oral sex
Thoughtful gestures
Laughter
Invigorating discussions
Oral sex
Acceptance of life's ups and downs
Sobriety
Oral sex
Little surprises
Teasing
Fighting fair
Responsible financial planning
Honest opinions
Kindness
Oral sex
Deep wet kisses
Appreciation of my *charms*
Patience with my *not-so-charms*
Moral compass navagation
... and oral ... now and until I am 106 years old!

Pepper

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Gee Pepper, do you think you might like your H to give you a little oral sex now and again? LOL

Thanks for making me laugh at the end of a long and emotional day!!!

I also like the phrase "invigorating discussions". Better than "uh huh, mhmm, yeah" discussions!

Jen

I have redone my EN form for Steve and I thought of this post. I was so helped by "What do Men Want" and I wanted to pay it forward with some specifics if it would help someone.

AFFECTION: Doing anything together - wash cars, cook, dishes, laundry, showers, read paper, painting yard work.Being looked at with a smile because it is nice to see me. Look at me as if you are proud of me. Receiving a flower you picked because it was pretty and I would like it, being given anything because it would make me smile and making me smile is your goal. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Being kissed, hugged, grabbed for no reason anywhere - at the store, in a restaurant, while doing dishes, on the couch, in the car.Being referred to by a nicname. When you can't wait to tell me something. Having the bed turned down, coffee pot turned on, gas put in my car, being taken for a ride to no where. Hearing hopes, dreams,plans for our future. Hearing WE instead of I. Taking me with you to do something you enjoy. Notes in my car or bag. Phone call during the day to say hi - I love you. Being happy to hear from me during the day. Long sweet kisses. Hearing you laugh. Seeing you smile. Gentle touches. Hugs where I let go first. Tell me a joke, being sung to, laughing during sex in the afternoon. Surprise me with plans made for us, being taken out by you. Pay attention to me when we are out...talk to me...tell me I look nice...touch me...hold me hand...sit close to me. Tell me something I don't know. Hug me when I say something stupid and laugh and shake your head. Hear my ideas with respect and an open mind...give me the chance to do the same for you. Explain things patiently to me if I don't understand. Making love...not just sex. Tell me you love me for no reason. Hold me until I fall asleep.

Ahhh...so easy right?