OK here is the question my fifteen year anniversary is on Thursday - I am getting a divorce - a court date is scheduled for 9/18 - he cheated, he is the one that wants the divorce - long story but I finally gave in and said ok fine... Alright now part of me says buy a card it will be the last anniversary that you have with him - You really didn't have a bad marriage at all until sometime last year when he decided to loose his mind and fabricate all of the wrongs that were in our relationship (that never really were) - or do I just say ok its over it is the way he wants it - Why bother??? After everything he put me through does he really even deserve a card?? Just wondering your opinions????? Not sure what I am going to do???

Hi Maw
Our 26th anniversary is Sept. 18, and even though WH left me and moved into an apartment, I plan on sending a "thinking of you" type of card, not mushy, just simple. I'm looking at it as one more (maybe one of the last) opportunity to interact with him about a marriage-related issue in a positive way. Although today I was cleaning and found the card I gave him last anniversary - it said "thanks for giving our marriage another chance, I love you" (Had just found out about his EA and begun counseling) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Things change, unfortunately. And I know others may have different opinions. But at this point for me, I'd rather send it... than to not send it and wish I had afterwards.

Also, I would suggest for your sake to plan on doing something fun, out of the house with friends on Thursday! It's bound to be a difficult time for you.

Avondale - wow my courtdate is on your anniversary - I was thinking about sending a card that said something like I will always love you - and that I know this is our last anniversary together I wanted to wish you the best - And i hope you are happy - but then I keep thinking why should I bother - I am sure he isn't going to... I plan on doing something what I don't know but I am not I repeat not going to sit home and feel sorry for myself - I had 14 years of a wonderful marriage - a great relationship, a new house and two beautiful daughters - I have a lot to be thankful for and I truly believe that he is the one that is going to regret what he did one day.. I don't know I guess I will see if I get more responses - Thank you for your input..

MAW64~~~~~

Send the card and let go of any expectations you may hold in your heart for getting a response from him.

Send the card as a loving good-bye.

Send the card from the position of a human being showing respect for the institution of marriage.

Send the card in recognition of all the happy memories you have shared.

Then ... let go .... grieve the loss .... and heal as best you can.

This too shall pass.

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Pepper - Ok so you are saying to send the card as the better person - the one that respected and still respects the marriage vows - I have been betrayed but I will be ok... That makes sense - I am thinking maybe I might go and look at them tonite and see what I can find - nothing to mushy but something about our years together - I am wondering though if he will look at it as a nice gesture or as a final dig to him?????

" I am wondering though if he will look at it as a nice gesture or as a final dig to him?"

Know what ... I don't care what he thinks about you sending him a card! It IS a good and a nice gesture for you to make. Do it for yourself ... reaffirming yourself as a good person ... He will react the way he reacts ... and so what? If your motive is misunderstood (by him) it does not diminish your motive in YOUR eyes (unless you let it).

Pretending you were never married, and ignoring the anniversary seems dumb to me.

Being a loving person can only help you recover .... and he has to do his journey his own way.

This is, of course, just my opinion.

Good luck!

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Pepper - I couldn't agree more. Not much to add to that. It's all very good sound advice, and makes perfect sense.

My best to you Maw, and I hope that you can make the most out of the day. Take care!

send a card, making it a loving appreciation of what you have shared.. no expectations is very very good... you never know... d is not final yet, and sometime s they do turn around... stay loving, stay kind... just as the bible tells us... lvoe is patient, giving and kind.. no dig.. just love.

honey

Pepper - thank you - yes it would be wierd if I didn't send the card even if I was really ticked - though him throughout our whole marriage always forgot the anniversary card, mothers day card - you know but I am definately going to get one in the morning - and I am going to write something nice and I will be going away friday morning so I probably will not have to talk to him -

Tutter - thank you very much for your imput - I read your story all of the time and in the beginning you gave me alot of good advice about the WS side - I think you and your husband are ok - you just need to let in go and stop reading so much into everything that comes out of his mouth and just be confident that the marriage is still together - My husband even though he was the one that cheated never chose to try to fix - wether it was to much trouble or he can't live with what he did - but I know it is his loss and someday he will realize it.

Honey - thank you - I read your story all of the time I actually look for you because I know the pain you are experiencing I did it for so long - my husband in my eyes was turning into an alcholic dealing with what he did to me -but it is funny the second I said ok I am going to call a lawyer he stopped drinking to some extent I mean he still drinks but I guess he doesn't drink to dull the pain anymore - I am not happy getting a divorce but you know I will be happy someday and that will be his loss - we need to figure out for ourselves that we are worthy to be loved and we don't need this crap - no matter how hard we try we cannot change them - they are captain of their own ship - and that is so corny I have no idea why that came to me but anyways - thank you three ladies for your wonderful input - I will buy the card in the morning because in my heart it is still my anniversary and we are still married -
Thank you