SC, Congratulations!!!!

I told you good things happen to people like you. And you know what? this is the only the beginning. First of all, you will be busy and will have less time to spend on this BB and you will be more and more confident. What woman would resist: handsome, smart, successful and can pull off an Hawaian shirt. WOW!

Well 2long...that would be better than a crotch sniffing mud carver <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

ROTFLMAO!!

h4f:

"Well 2long...that would be better than a crotch sniffing mud carver
ROTFLMAO!!"

Better?

... um... can't say ANYTHING that came to mind just now!

Hi Space ~

Geez, your threads get so long, I can never keep up with whats going on. I end up hunting through page after page trying to figure out what happened last!

I just wanted to voice my opinion about the whole development of an A and the BS emotional state.

I think the time that it takes a WS to run the gamut of the whole affair saga is about the SAME length of time that it takes a BS to pretty much throw up their hands in acceptance and start moving on.

I think you and your wife's emotional processing of this whole scenario has kinda dovetailed into each other. I think thats what happened for me too. About the time I was emotionally where you are headed, my H changed his mind and wanted to come home. I don't think divorcing him 6 months before would have brought us into recovery sooner. Which is WHY I was so vague with YOU some months ago when you asked me what it was that got my H to come home.

Yes, I was moving on, and he didn't want to lose me so it forced him to shape up. BUT he was in an emotional place where that decision was possible. 6-9 months earlier, my filing for divorce wouldn't have brought him home.

I reached a spot emotionally that I needed, as did he.

And I get a sense that a similar thing is happening to you also. I think with alot of folks here who had to live with the affair after D day.

This stuff just takes time and personal growth doesn't happen easily or quickly! I have to say that you have grown ALOT in the months that you have been here.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mapleleaf:
<strong>SC, Congratulations!!!!

I told you good things happen to people like you. And you know what? this is the only the beginning. First of all, you will be busy and will have less time to spend on this BB and you will be more and more confident. What woman would resist: handsome, smart, successful and can pull off an Hawaian shirt. WOW!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And don't forget; can whip up a mean barbeque, and even pull off a line or two of French! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You are FAR too kind, ML, and I thank you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by BrambleRose:
<strong>Hi Space ~

Geez, your threads get so long, I can never keep up with whats going on. I end up hunting through page after page trying to figure out what happened last!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">For some reason my threads tend to become the "joke of the hour" threads, which I throughly enjoy, but they do become very hard to read! And I'm so happy to see others post and get feedback here, that they tend to go off in numerous directions. But that's OK! LOL!!! (I will start a new one when my WW decides to have the chat...or not!)

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
I just wanted to voice my opinion about the whole development of an A and the BS emotional state.

I think the time that it takes a WS to run the gamut of the whole affair saga is about the SAME length of time that it takes a BS to pretty much throw up their hands in acceptance and start moving on.

I think you and your wife's emotional processing of this whole scenario has kinda dovetailed into each other. I think thats what happened for me too. About the time I was emotionally where you are headed, my H changed his mind and wanted to come home. I don't think divorcing him 6 months before would have brought us into recovery sooner. Which is WHY I was so vague with YOU some months ago when you asked me what it was that got my H to come home.

Yes, I was moving on, and he didn't want to lose me so it forced him to shape up. BUT he was in an emotional place where that decision was possible. 6-9 months earlier, my filing for divorce wouldn't have brought him home.

I reached a spot emotionally that I needed, as did he.

And I get a sense that a similar thing is happening to you also. I think with alot of folks here who had to live with the affair after D day.

This stuff just takes time and personal growth doesn't happen easily or quickly! I have to say that you have grown ALOT in the months that you have been here. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I remember that very, very well. And I remember how perplexed that comment left me then. I'm glad you brought it up again, because now I understand it, although I certainly can't (or haven't tried to) verbalize it as you just have.

I wonder if we'll ever be able to explain this to a "newbie" in a way that they can understand. If we did, it would help reduce a lot of pain and frustration.

Thanks, BR. You are and have been a most influential and valuable "teacher" for me. I thank you. With sincerity, I thank you.

Spacecase, its so hard to keep up with you!! We really need to get that fogsucker fixed, I think there's a few OPs stuck in the suction pipe that need be blown out into outer space with the aliens that abducted our spouses.

But seriously, keep the strength up, its weird how we have to worry about a conversation with our own spouse but our marriages are on the line.

Spacecase,

Hello, I have been somewhat intimidated about posting any suggestions on your thread as you always seem to be reading something new etc.

I just wanted to say that, at the very least, it has to give you some measure of comfort knowing how much you have invested in making this work.

Sometimes, even the most together, strong people, have a hard time seeing when they are giving it an excellent shot and doing a great job.

I hope you realize, it is true when people tell you what an inspiration you are to all of us that keep up with your thread.

Steve is amazing and if anyone can get through to ww it is him. I always feel happy when I get off the phone after one of our sessions.

Good luck and thanks for being such a sharing, giving person.
Hugs,
Layli

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by going_crazy:
<strong>We really need to get that fogsucker fixed, I think there's a few OPs stuck in the suction pipe that need be blown out into outer space with the aliens that abducted our spouses.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh, what a beautiful image! I am seeing that "torpedo tube" they have in Star Trek (or is it something else...help me here, 2L! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ) that they use to fire dead guys out into space...what a Beeoooooootiful sight! Off you go Mr. OP! Say hello to "Uranus" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> for me as you fly by! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ROFLMAO!!!

Serious post now;

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by going_crazy:
<strong>But seriously, keep the strength up, its weird how we have to worry about a conversation with our own spouse but our marriages are on the line.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm very serious about this. Seriously, we have to take a serious look at the planning for these serious conversations, because seriously, these WSs are a serious problem. They seriously put us through some serious stuff, and we take a serious risk when we want to have a serious conversation about serious stuff, because we're on seriously unknown territory, and anything we may seriously say might be taken seriously wrong and land us in a serious pile of...or even worse, we may seriously delay a serious recovery or seriously send them scurrying back to the OP. I'm Serious! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by layli:
<strong>Spacecase,
Hello, I have been somewhat intimidated about posting any suggestions on your thread as you always seem to be reading something new etc.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey Layli! Long time no see!
How could I EVER be intimidating? I'm just a nice guy with an obsession for reading and learning. So much so that Pep, (or was it Orchid?), said "stop reading. this isn't for reading, it's for doing!" or something like that. Yeah, right! Like I'm going to learn to control my facial expressions all by myself! I get nervous tics (see, I spelled it right this time!) just thinking about it! LOL!!!

Serious stuff below:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
I just wanted to say that, at the very least, it has to give you some measure of comfort knowing how much you have invested in making this work.

Sometimes, even the most together, strong people, have a hard time seeing when they are giving it an excellent shot and doing a great job.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Truth be told, I don't really "feel" like I'm in control, but I do realize that my "senses" have improved insofar as realtionships and the dynamics of these situations are concerned. So yes, definitely that makes me feel more secure. On the other hand, sometimes I just lose it...so, who knows?

But I do feel like I've given it my best effort, and I intend to go through with it to the end with as much enthusiasm and energy. I love her, I love my family, I love how good it could be with all I've learned, and I'm not going to give up very easily.

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
I hope you realize, it is true when people tell you what an inspiration you are to all of us that keep up with your thread.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It makes me happy to hear this, as my greatest pleasure and vocation is to share and to teach. Perhaps that's why I share it all. I have no shame or compunction in sharing feelings, successes and failures, as I believe someone may find it helpful.

quote---------------------------------------------
It makes me happy to hear this, as my greatest pleasure and vocation is to share and to teach. Perhaps that's why I share it all. I have no shame or compunction in sharing feelings, successes and failures, as I believe someone may find it helpful.
quote---------------------------------------------

I agree. Maybe that is yet another reason why I'm a teacher. Have you considered the profession?

Anyway, I had a request for you SC (and anyone else here), I'd love your insight/input on my situation. I know you've commented in the past but would like to hear your thoughts currently (as your p.o.v. may have also changed in the last few months.) My thread is at Plan A/B:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=30;t=001238;p=1

If you wouldn't mind reading it whenever you get a chance (no rush) and giving your 2 cents, I'd appreciate it.

I'm at the point that I could continue Plan A or go to Plan B and either way would be ok for me for some time. I just want to do what is best for my M (and me). Some on my thread have made good points for Plan B, but I'm leaning on a longer Plan A (party because of my last conversation with S.H.)

Thanks (sorry to threadjack!)

spacecase&#8230;

i&#8217;ve been away since the first of this month&#8230;spent two weeks at home in the village&#8230; it&#8217;s taken me the last three days to catch up on your threads&#8230;

as we say at home&#8230;na wa o!!!

words fail me&#8230; you are in my thoughs&#8230;

oaktown&#8230;

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by oaktown:
<strong>spacecase&#8230;

i&#8217;ve been away since the first of this month&#8230;spent two weeks at home in the village&#8230; it&#8217;s taken me the last three days to catch up on your threads&#8230;

as we say at home&#8230;na wa o!!!

words fail me&#8230; you are in my thoughs&#8230;

oaktown&#8230;</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't know what to say...3 days to catch up on my threads? This is too much...I appreciate the interest and hope this has been of value...

I guess that's a sure sign that I must start a new thread! LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

"na wa o!!!" means...?

spacecase&#8230;

i wish i could put into words the true value of your threads&#8230; your voice in particular has given me insight into the thoughts and feelings of the betrayed husband&#8230; that which i could not hear/learn from my husband has comes to me through my empathy with/for you&#8230; i can not thank you enough&#8230;

&#8220;na wa o!!!&#8221; literally means it is wonder full&#8230; it&#8217;s a phrase we use at home when circumstances or situations are so overwhelming that we know not what to think&#8230;

oaktown&#8230;