My 11th Wedding Anniversary is coming up on the 31st August. As usual I am keeping busy and have things sceduled around that time.

I am in plan B and there has been no contact with each other at all.

My question is, do I send a note to H just saying I remember its our anniversary? Obviously a "happy anniversary" card is out of the question <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

My thoughts are that if I did it, I'm initiating contact, however it might shake something loose in that head of his - which may or may not be a good thing.

If I don't send something, however it sends a very clear message to him.

I feel sad that we are going to miss out on this anniversary.

Could I ask what others would do in this situation?

That's a tough one, SH. Our Anniv is Aug 30, and I expect I'll be in full Plan B by then. The suggestion I got was to acknowledge it with a "blank" card and just writing in it "Happy Anniversary" or "Thinking of you" or something to simply acknowledge it, to let her know I have hope for the future.

I know that Plan B means no contact but maybe a "thinking of you" card like SC suggests would be alright. It seems to be a tough situation. Maybe some successful Plan B'ers will have more to offer. Best of Luck.

Nothin', nada, zero, zilch.

Plan B is Plan B is Plan B. Re-read what you said in your letter.

Let him wonder.

WAT

It has been said here, and insisted upon by Steve to me, that one of the best things to "bring a WS back" is trust that the M CAN be repaired, and thet the BS WILL do his/her part.

I think an acknowledgement of a wedding anniversary is a "safe" way to do that; no contact, just a card or note.

JMHO, of course.

Hi Seahorse, I tend to think about things in terms of what I would do if it was me. I bet you could word it better but here's what I would do.

SS

Dear H,
It's time to celebrage our 11th Wedding Anniversery. I feel there is not really anything to celebrate. I wish things were different, I wonder what you are thinking and feeling. I wonder what you want.

To go on like we are now means we will end in Divorce, that's not someting I have ever wanted. I'm not sure why I am writing this. Perhaps even though we can't really celebrate, I wanted to acknowledge this date as something that used to be very important to me, and that I hope will be again someday. I think you know what needs to happen for us to ever be a couple again, I hope it happens, but it's up to you at this point.

With all my love,
Seahorse

<small>[ August 19, 2002, 10:17 AM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

SS; I like it!

Seahorse -- This is a hard one. My 10th is coming up in September.

On one hand, a good plan B would probably suggest do nothing as WAT says.

On the other hand, I know personally that I would have a hard time not acknowledging the anniversary and would want to do as still seeking suggests.

My gut tells me do nothing as he is probably expecting you to send something. If you do nothing, then the ball is in his court. Oh, even as I write this, I don't know personally know how I would do nothing. Do nothing is the true plan B I suppose.

I hope more people that are in recovery/have been through a plan B come and reply to you.

Seahorse - I cannot really tell you what to do only what I did because I just went through this on the 15th... OK well I still talk to my husband (he sort of wants to be my best friend - though I am having a hard time with that) we have two children and we have an upcoming court date for our divorce on 9/18 - our 15 year anniversary was on August 15th - and I posted here to see if I should send a card or anything because in my heart it was my final anniversary and I wanted to acknowledge it - I ended up not sending the card because I didn't want him to think that I was trying to make him feel bad - but on that day I spoke to him a couple of times and I brought it up - and he said believe it or not I was gonna say something but I didn't want to upset you - so he said happy anniversary - he came over he gave me a hug and I pulled away and he was somewhat miffed by that but I couldn't deal with it. So I survived the anniversary and it wasn't that bad - I love him I will always love him but this is our last anniversary and I can live with that because this is his choice.... So you have to do what is in your heart plan b or not to plan b... Mimi

Thank you all for your replies. I very much want to send a note to H. Its irrelevant what the effect is or if he replies (of course a nice reply would be appreciated). I cannot let my anniversary go by without acknowledgement, its important to me even if it isn't to him right now. I don't post this stuff unless its really important to me.

I'm going to try to get further advice.

SC: Yes I want H to know I haven't given up yet. You can't get rid of this particular seahorse that easy!

Twinkles: thanks for your wishes. I think about him everyday (don't we all think about other SO everyday?)

WAT: I can't let it go by without acknowledging it. In some ways it will make me feel better, which may be selfish, but I think I deserve a little selfish luxury. I know my leeter said 'no contact'.

SS: I liked your letter very much and have used it as inspiration to draft my own (below).

USH: I hadn't thought about that, him expecting it. I don't know what he thinks anymore. If he were a sane person I'd say yes, but I don't know about the current version of him.

(((Mimi))) how sad for you. I dread the time, if it comes that we will be divorced. i dread it. My heart wants to acknowledge it to him. I know he is not the person I married, but still...

Here's my draft to send off next week:

Dear H,

This weekend will mark our 11th Wedding Anniversary. I do not completely understand the feelings that have prompted me to write this note as right now there is no marriage to celebrate. I wanted to acknowledge this date as something that is important to me. A day that we will never have again.

I want to be a couple again and I pray to God that this happens, but the decision is now yours. You know what I need.

I wonder what you think and feel as the date approaches. Do you think of me too? Do you think of our marriage? I wonder what you want and if you will ever decide.

With all my love,
Seahorse

SH; A couple of suggestions below:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Dear H,

This weekend will mark our 11th Wedding Anniversary. I do not completely understand the feelings that have prompted me to write this note as right now there is no marriage to celebrate. I wanted to acknowledge this date as something that is important to me. A day that we may never have again.

I want to be a couple again and I pray to God that this happens. The decision is now yours. You know what we need.

I wonder what you think and feel as the date approaches. Do you think of me too? Do you think of our marriage? I wonder what you want and if you will ever decide.

With all my love,
Seahorse</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Thank U SC and everyone else. You's the best!