Has anyone else here noticed that their WS seems to be addicted to lying. Maybe a side affect of the dreaded fog disease.

I read some emails that my WW sent to the OM professing her love for him, yada, yada, yada. In these same emails she lies to him about me to make me look like a real monster. A therapist said that this is typical. They make themselves look like a victim.

I actually find it to be somewhat amusing. Not only is this relationship with OM already built on shaky ground, she's already lying to him. HA! What a path she is headed down. 40yr old woman hooks her hopes and dreams onto a 34 yr old frisbee playing, bartender, who cheats on his wife. Can anyone say "winner".

Filed for D yesterday and atty says I need to move back into our home so that I have some custody rights. Not looking forward to the next 6-9mths that the D will take to finalize.

Thanks for the support and God Bless.

Hi Biscayne,

Unfortunately, lies are a definite by product of an A. The WS ethics and moral code are thrown out the window because they are only focused on the EN that the A is satisfying. Eventually the bubble will burst and the lying may stop.

Good Luck

Hey I play frisbee!

Mine is a habitual liar.

Last week my XW received the check from my retirement account which the divorce says she has to use to pay off the minivan she got in the divorce.

A few weeks after she left I loaned her $600 with the verbal agreement that when the retirement account check came in she would pay me back. I knew I was taken a chance and I hoped she would do what she said.

As the date for the retirment check coming in approached I brought up the issue of the $600. I even said I would take the keyboard she has instead of the cash. She was talking about selling the keyboard instead. The check came, she paid off the van, but didn't give me the $600.

Well I emailed her many times on it and she wouldn't even respond. So I emailed her telling her I was going to file a motion for contempt for the van payments she did not make that I had to make while she waited for the check to come in. That came to $1150. I told her I would take the keyboard or the $600 and let the van stuff go.

Well I emailed her 3 times and the last time I included the motion for contempt paperwork and told her when I was going to file and that I would still accept the keyboard or $600. I had both delivery and read receipts so I knew she got it. Well I filed as I said. Yesterday she called about it and claimed she just got the emails. She didn't realize I had the read receipts.

She stuck to that lie until I told her at what time and day she read each one. Their was about 2 minutes of silence.

When affairs happen they begin living a lie. Once you start living a lie it is difficult not to.

People who lie (habitually) do not trust the truth.

Not really an addiction ... per se.

Habituation is more like it.

If you were in a situation where you thought telling the truth would get you into more trouble ... you might not trust that the truth will set you free.(eventually)

Habitual liars are unable to see the long term benifit from telling the truth.

??? Your thoughts ???

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Biscayne:
<strong>I read some emails that my WW sent to the OM professing her love for him, yada, yada, yada. In these same emails she lies to him about me to make me look like a real monster. A therapist said that this is typical. They make themselves look like a victim.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, it certainly seems typical from what I've seen in my own WH. It's freaking amazing.

My WH learned pretty quickly that if he did the 'she said this/did that' thing, followed by 'I don't know why I bother' thing, his OW would come running to validate all his feelings and tell him how wonderful he was and trash me. It worked great to keep her attention focused on him and close any distance he felt starting to creep in. Sometimes, it was only a twist of my words to give what I said a different slant or a forward of something I wrote to him, with anything that might make him look bad removed. Sometimes, it was an outright lie.

Lovely to be used like that, isn't it? That's probably the hardest thing for me to deal with. He used me to further his R with someone else.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I actually find it to be somewhat amusing. Not only is this relationship with OM already built on shaky ground, she's already lying to him. HA! What a path she is headed down. 40yr old woman hooks her hopes and dreams onto a 34 yr old frisbee playing, bartender, who cheats on his wife. Can anyone say "winner". </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's a dark humor. But yeah, if you build a relationship with lies, what kind of future can it have?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband:
<strong>If you were in a situation where you thought telling the truth would get you into more trouble ... you might not trust that the truth will set you free.(eventually)
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm not sure if I just didn't understand what you were saying or not, but I had a comment on this.

I see a big difference between lying on the spur of the moment to protect yourself. I'm not saying I think it's okay to do that; don't get me wrong. I just think it's a different kind of thing to say, "No, it wasn't me" when someone asks you if you were the one who spilled coffee on the white couch, and the kind of lying where someone lies about someone else to make them look better or get attention or what have you.

One is done on the spur of the moment and might be regretted almost immediately when the instintive panic subsides. The other is.... I don't know. Premeditated, in a way?

Lying is lying, obviously. But I can understand the desire to protect yourself from an accusation. I don't understand the kind of lying that makes you look good at the expense of someone else.

I never thought she could be this way. Never lied like this in the past. I think Kily has it right. Lying is a product of the affair. All ethics and morals are right out the window. I'm sure she has painted this picture of me being some kind of monster to her 20 something friends and to him, and to her family, all to justify her actions.

Based on all of this, I wonder if I could even consider reconciliation if she came back wanting that. I'm at least strong enough now to be able to look at her and tell her that only if........... And then all this pent up sexual energy has it's outlet! (Ha, ha, ha. Sorry, I'm trying to laugh my way through this to keep from crying). My sense of humor is a little warped sometimes.
I signed the D papers today and she will be served either today or tomorrow.

I start D recovery support group tonight. If she calls while I'm in the meeting should I answer!?! NOT!!

Thanks and God Bless

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Biscayne:
<strong>I start D recovery support group tonight. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi,

I'm thinking of joing a Divorce Care group - let me know how yours goes. I'm a bit hesitant.

Good luck!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey Free,

Group went well. They actually have two different groups. One is a reconciliation group and the other is an actual divorce recovery group. They recommend that you attend the reconciliation group first even if it's just you and you don't think there's a chance. The reason being much like the MB advice. You explore every possibility of reconciliation so that if things don't work out you can look back with no regrets. This is the group that I went to tonight. Felt like I was sitting on the MB GQII forum. Listening to the stories, and trials and tribulations of each suffering individual. Just with a lot fewer people. This is a non-denomonational teaching and support group held at a local Methodist church and there were other churches listed in our area and we don't live in a very big town. I picked this one since I am Methodist and have started going back to church for the strength to make it through each day.

Just as an aside. One of the pastors came in and talked with us for a few minutes and mentioned that the divorce rate is actually higher in the church than outside the church. 53% vs 51%. Ministers actually have a 42% divorce rate. Makes you wonder. He made the comment that another minister told him when he first came there to becareful of his mistress in his marriage. The mistress being the church itself.

I'm going to start a new post dealing with my filing and WW being served D papers today.

Thanks for the support and God Bless

Biscayne,
have you ever noticed in everyone's posts how the lies our wayward spouses tell themselves and the other person are almost identical?
Thought it was humorous.
I hope the support group goes well for you.
Hang in there,
Layli