I could just scream. Short background: My H rediscovered his 'soulmate' on classmates.com about 5 months ago, and rapidly fell into an EA with her (the last 4 months). OW has 2 kids and just left her own H. One of my major pet peeves about this R was my H seemed to be working hard to build a better R with her 2 girls than any of our own 4 kids. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
My H and I had a lot of R talks in the first 2 months of this and then tabled a lot of things because we just weren't going to reach any consensus. I've Plan A'd my little heart out, but have reached a point where his continued contact with her and the lies he tells both of us have become the LB that will eventually make me walk, so I scheduled a big R talk for last weekend.
It took two days to cover everything, because we did it a little bit at a time. I started by asking him a few questions and when he tried to lie to me, I pulled out the big gun. I have all the emails they've exchanged. He said he didn't remember saying things, so I showed him where and when. And that's when he got really quiet. (probably trying to remember all the things they might have said to each other in email <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> )
I made it clear that I do love him, but for my own health and any chance of repairing our R, something had to change. The implication was, of course, that if he wasn't willing to get off the fence and stop cake-eating, I was going to have to be the one to change things.
He said he wasn't sure what to do, and then later said that he didn't think I could trust him again. He's said before that one of the reasons he was holding onto the OW so hard was that he felt I wouldn't be able to trust him, and we'd end up getting divorced anyway, and then he wouldn't have either of us. But after a few more of these mini-talks, when it became clear that I wasn't going to help him practice for Olympic-level cake-eating and fence-sitting games, he offered up NC, asked for a few days to figure out what he was going to say, and wanted me to read it before he sent it.
That was Sunday night.
Monday morning he left for a class in another part of the state. He left me his cell phone (for other reasons), but he does have a phone card, with which he's called me 2-3 times a day. It appears that he really hasn't initiated any contact with OW. OW, OTOH, has left numerous voicemail messages for him and sent 3 emails, which have really upset my H. She was very clearly distraught in the 2nd email at not having heard from him.
H has sounded depressed and upset, and really tried to make me feel guilty for this, because, of course, it's all my fault that they're hurting. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
Which brings me to the subject line of this post. OW sent another email last night, where she said that her YD was upset and missing him and that she'd (YD) left him a voicemail on his cell phone.
I just know this is going to be a problem. OW's YD is already in family counseling for problems associated with the breakup of OW's marriages (to her father and then step-father). I tried to tell my H that getting involved with her kids was a bad idea, and I flatly refused to let the two of them plan outtings that involved my kids. I'm a child of divorce; I
know what kinds of things parents can do to hurt a child when they're all caught up in the feel-goodness of a new R.
OW's kids have been put in the position of being questioned by family members about her R with my H. Why do these people not
think about protecting their kids first?
I just feel like his agreement to NC is about to blow up over hurting a 12yo child, and I could just scream. Guess I should get that Plan B letter edited, just in case I have to use it soon.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
