My H's appt with Steve was originally scheduled for Monday but it was cancelled and they called H directly. Remember that Steve asked me to indicate to my H that him speaking to Steve was to help ME heal? Well, when the MB office called him to reschedule, he flipped. Said he didn't know it was Marriagebuilders. He agreed to reschedule to today anyway but felt I was being dishonest.

Anyway, I don't know how it went but I do know that H was a bit angry. Said that Steve didn't focus on me at all. He said that I tricked him.

Oh no...

I do have to set up a follow up with Steve to get the real scoop since I didn't want to badger my H.

What do you think? Did I cross the line?

I think I would leave it alone for a while. You know H will bellow at you about it later. For now let him ponder on whatever SH talked to him about. It's really too bad the MB mix up had to happen! That probably skewed his perspective from the start of the conversation. Still...he talked to him...that's something!!

Hi Hope, Good to hear from you at this late hour. Just wondering, in my H's angry vent after his appt with Steve, he mentioned that my efforts have only made him stronger. I said nothing but could all of this truly be pushing him away even further or is this "bellow" just hot air?

Thanks

Wait to get the low down from Steve. Be prepared that some of the babble may be what he also told Steve. Anyway, best thing is to not ask him about anything. Let sleeping dogs lie.

L.

So far it seems most of what comes out is hot air....but it can be hard to tell. It will be interesting to hear what Steve has to say about it all! Don't worry yourself over it too much...all you can do is your best.

Hmmm.... Wow, that's terrific news, Terrified!!! Your H spoke to Dr.Harley and didn't hang up on him!!! I'm quite sure Steve H. got in what all needed to be said to your WS in that one conversation... <sarcasm on> Too bad it wasn't a conversation about YOU and all "your problems" <sarcasm off> like I bet your WS thought it was going to be from the description you gave... I love it!

Try not to worry, like the others have said. You know how your H likes to exaggerate everything--especially when he gets all emotional and angry... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Get a good night's sleep and calm yourself down... Keep posting!!! It should be interesting. I pray that your WS will really let it sink in whatever was said because I'm sure it was good advice. I don't think you should reschedule anything, just give your H time to process and wait for him to approach you after he can digest it all... Might take a while tho so be prepared to be patient and wait. Save your money, honey!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ August 29, 2002, 12:51 AM: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</small>

If your H changed his behavior, it would help you heal....

Did your H think that STeve was going to tell him what YOU should do, when you weren't in the conversation and neither H nor Steve can't make you change? H can only change H. Terri can only change Terri.

Your H sometimes seems to lack basic understandings of how relationships--and now counseling--work. (sorry for the H bash, but didn't know how to say it nicer).

Glad he went.... I know how awful it is.. the anger, the betrayal... the baby steps forward.. the angry steps back? WHY?

are these men worth it at all? No, not in current condition, but maybe some day?

Thanks for being here, and getting yourself through all this. I assumed you pd for his session... what is with these men? sorry did I mean mice?

hugs- h

I am going to start thinking of my ws ... now in a joking way as a little baby man... a miceman running around wimpering all his issues out to the big bad world above... they are so out of control and trying to control the world.. it is sad.

Sorry if this is some angr y venting. I am very very glad for you that he ahd one appt.

hugs again, H

Terri,
From where I sit, anything other than Angrey outburst from your H to you, would be a surprise to me -no matter the topic! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

No reason to ponder -- It is very amazing to me that he kept appointment -- does show room for hope --
Help you - yeah, if Steve can get some idea of where your H is coming from -your H's perspectives and all -- just maybe it could ultimately help you understand why your H is always so mean to you!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
Oh, BTW, as I think about it - sounds to me your H's reaction could be preditable - from his point of view, he has no problems, so why would Steve ask about him --- From his point of view, he does not consider his attitude a problem or he may not actually think that his way of communicating to you is a problem, why therfore would Steve need to get to know him? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

If I were you, I would not worry about trying to explain to your H. Perhaps Steve can help!!
As always, Prayers are with you!
Bob

<small>[ August 30, 2002, 10:37 AM: Message edited by: Hurrian Hoosier ]</small>

Terrified<

I think it's kind of funny...husband saying it didn't focus on you at all....well golly..you mean there might be two sides to a relationship...

hee hee...this is the guy who blames you if it's raining....and has yet to face an OUNCE of anything on him....

This is your husbands game...it's funny that he even told you about it....he just keeps drawing you in and stringing you along...and of course same old blame game.....you you you oh you...you you...

Your actions make him say he is stronger...because he is really just saying once again..I am not responsible for ANYTHING....

We have monopoly, we have the dating game..., we have sorry,...we even have a game called life...but the only thing in your husbands toy closet is the BLAME GAME> ....and pretty soon NO ONE will want to play with him anymore....

blah blah jab jab...eventually we come to some small glimmer that perhaps just perhaps we could be a little wrong about how we behaved...but there is always hope terri...heck even the Grinch got that part in the end...and he was one rotten guy....
I am sure you will hear all about it...babble babble...

peace, strength, and perhaps a dog trained to bite anyone who says...It's all your fault...
ARK