I'm to do an all-out, pro-active plan A. I'm to set the stage for WH to fall in love with me all over again! I'm to be a nominee for an Academy Award.
#1 lovebuster for me to work on is my sarcasm.
So, I'm to pursue, invite, seduce, etc.
Not even sure I can do this, but I will try.
Any ideas on how to do this in the face of all the lies and deceptions going on?
KK

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Any ideas on how to do this in the face of all the lies and deceptions going on?
KK </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">One count on the sarchasm test.

Think, "I love this man and I'm going to fight for him; he's worth it" instead.

Sure you can do it.

- relate

did you just talk to Steve this morning?? How did WH's session go?

Yes, 6:00 a.m. Yawn!!!
I think Wh's session went okay. He didn't tell me much other than Steve was a nice guy, and he asked him to fill out the questionnaires.
Steve said he sounded willing to work on the marriage. He told Steve that we did great when talking on the phone, but in person I was very sarcastic with him.
I'm getting kinda tired, feeling drained and wondering if I can do this.
KK
How are you?

From what I gather, he's told SH more than that. He's told SH that he wants you to chase him, come and get him, seduce him! That's why SH is telling you to do this. And he's also told SH what he does not want you to do, which is to complain or be sarchastic or depressed.

So put your sexiest dress on and invite him to a candle light dinner. And not a word about the OW or lies or deceit and all these self defeating complaints.

But sleep for a whole day, then run 5 miles, and have a long relaxing bath with aromatherapy candles and scented oil first.

- relate

<small>[ September 05, 2002, 09:40 AM: Message edited by: relate ]</small>

Do I HAVE to run 5 miles??!
I can handle sleeping all day for sure, but the running...
Sure I can handle the romantic part, but will he respond?
I'm willing to give it a try.
THanks for replying, related.
KK

KK,

Pre dday, It was suggested to me that I write down every day for at least 3 weeks 10 things that I was grateful for in my H. It took a little while, but my feeling for him began to change! They say what you concentrate on is what you get!
We had been in withdrawal and I actually began to want him!

Affimations work well too. Write about the beautiful sexy caring compassionate ....... wife that is sooo totally in love with her H. That you will instinctively know what to do to show that love to your H.....

gota run

D.

KK; just substitute the 5 miles for a couple of Martinins! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You'll do great!

Sarcasm masks fear .... my personal vantage point perspective.

Face your fears directly, and your use of sarcasm will evaporate.

One woman's opinion.

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

I really like the gratitude list... also some of these books like - Restore Ministries and some Going CCrazy have talked about where you are the more submissive wife... I know, I know... but maybe if we are just plain sweet they will see who we really are.

It is hard not to be sarcastic, I know I am... let GO and give that anger to God... forgive him, it could save your marriage. These Weak Affair type men... are not out to be criticized.. they walked or A'd in order to be treated like little princes... right? We have to do the same.. maybe treat him as nice as you wuold treat a stranger or a child, at elast... with practice, it will get easier..

BTW... let me know if you are still interested in this wkend... HONEY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Will Get Through This,
Great idea about writing those things down. Thanks!

Spacecase,
Maybe margaritas instead of martinis....

Pepperband,
I'm sure that's true about sarcasm. I guess I'm afraid of rejection...how do I face that?

Honey,
Treat him like a prince....hmmmm....I will try to do that. (I don't want to get a STD????)
I'll let you know about Fri. night. It still sounds fun.
KK

Sarcasm increases the risk of rejection anyway .... and it will not allow you to grow into a bigger hearted more loving woman ...

It is not a war .... drop your weapons.

Sarcasm is a lose/lose proposition. Try to devise a win/win senario in your mind .... without demanding the outcome be "one way".

Can you reject sarcasm (harmful to your soul) and still accept possible rejection (harmful to your ego)?

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Thanks Pep!
Awesome advice. I DO want to grow into a better person! Even if it rejection occurs.
KK

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Treat him like a prince....hmmmm....I will try to do that. (I don't want to get a STD????) </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

just out of curiosity, has this subject came up between you two?? Have you asked him to get tested? I completely forgot to ask Steve how to approach this, I was wondering if you and Steve spoke about it??

I also forgot to ask Steve. WH doesn't seem to think it's an issue, says they NEVER had SI (SF)
ever! Do I believe this?????
KK
THe affair lasted over a year.

Yes, believe it.

In the absence of any evidence to the contrary, it could be the truth. Even if it is not the truth, he is trying to protect your feelings. What needs to happen is for you to not focus on it right now.

- relate

<small>[ September 06, 2002, 01:28 AM: Message edited by: relate ]</small>

Relate,
Can you expand on that a bit?
KK

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I also forgot to ask Steve. WH doesn't seem to think it's an issue, says they NEVER had SI (SF) ever! Do I believe this?????
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">NO! You don't trust untrustworthy people. However, it would be a LB to bring up STD's with H. Bring it up with SH and ask him how to handle it.

I can relate to the sarcasm and agree with Pepper. I think as you grow and learn to be true to yourself you will slowly loose the sarcasm. It won't come easy though, it will take work on your part. Try and recognize the physical feelings you have when you are sarcastic. Usually it is a racing heart, sweaty palms or something. Then when the feelings come you will be able to recognize it before it happens. It is a growing and learning process. When you say something sarcastic to him immediately tell him your sorry, that you know he doesn't like that and that you are in process trying to change that about yourself.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So, I'm to pursue, invite, seduce, etc.
...Any ideas on how to do this in the face of all the lies and deceptions going on? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have NO idea. That is why Plan B was easier for me. Just try and remind yourself you have a Plan. You are in Plan A - committ to it for 6 weeks. Then in 6 weeks you can re-evaluate and either committ for another 6 weeks or go to Plan B again. Then at least you will some kind of good Plan A foundation layed for him to remember. If you are sarcastic that is what he will remember.

I'm sorry your going through this. I know it hurts. Keep posting.

I luv,
Thanks so much for replying. I haven't heard from WH since yesterday morning. I called him yesterday and left 2 sweet messages yesterday, but today I have decided to wait on him to call.
I just don't know what's going through his mind.
I seem to be detaching a bit emotionally from him, so I think the sarcasm thing will get easier for me to work on. Yes, I will continue to Plan A for a while, but I see Plan B on the horizon.
KK

KK:
Cloudy day here, (we emailded back in may) I had to change my name. I have followed your post for a few weeks now, I was hoping that things would be better for you. I realize that you are in plan b. Congrats on your strength. I havent had the guts. I was thinking about a Lawyer today, maybe. I just need to do it. Take care you.
S