OK its impossible for me not to LB while being disrespected so badly. I don’t know what to do. After a short separation WS says she wants to work on things. So I agree and we agreed on some ground rules and I moved back home. We agreed to share pass codes, email accounts Etc. We also agreed to stay out of Bars for a while. We have been seeing Jennifer Chalmers for about a month. Ws is having a very hard time with affection or even being nice to me. Ws went to IC last week and was diagnosed with severe depression. So last night we talked to Jennifer and she said to try to protect each other.

I said to WS that a friend was having a party Thursday night and asked her if she would like to go. WS said no and she got an email about some of her friends from work going to Happy hour on Thursday. I said OK lets go to happy hour with your work friends and then we can go to my friend’s party. WS says no and she would like to go by herself and get some time away from me. This hurts. I say OK can you please try to be home by 8PM. Ws says OK I will try with an attitude. Ws says she will call if she is going to be late. It is know 9pm and no call and she turned her cell phone off (I can tell cause it goes right to voice mail).

How am I not supposed to not LB when she gets home? I am a doormat to her. The past 2 weeks have been just getting worse. By her recent actions I feel she is still in contact with OM. WS says she is not. If I snoop WS blows up and tells me she won’t live like this and she wants a Divorce. I am in a lose- lose situation. I don’t know what to do or how to handle this.

Funked,

You know I guess I would talk to Jennifer about this, and propose that you do move back out. I mean if she won't work on things, and still wants to lead the independent life, there is little you can do. By the way, I believe snooping while an LB, is mentioned by Dr.Harley as something that might need to be done. Ask Jennifer about that as well.

Sorry I cannot give you any good advice.

God Bless,

JL

It's now 10PM... Is she trying to drive me crazy?????

No, she is trying to make a point. You cannot control her or set deadlines for her.

You then have two choices in my mind.

1. Not worry about her being out.

2. Or if you don't like her "self-control", start to move on.

I don't think either is a very good alternative, but you have control only over yourself and how you react to her. It sounded like she wanted you to move back, but it doesn't sound as if she is ready to start recovery. If she is not, then perhaps you need to reevaluate.

I personally wouldn't say a thing to her. It won't do any good. I would instead talk with Jennifer and you and Jenn decide what YOU are going to do.

So go to bed when you are ready and definitely ignore what she has done. It was her choice and no amount of arguing is going to change that. You make your own decisions.

God Bless,

JL

I agree that she is trying to make a point. From that it’s obvious that she has not bought into the MB concepts. She is not showing care or protection by doing this. It will take time and extraordinary measures for her to earn back your trust. This will not help.

As for talking to her about it. I believe that radial honesty is important. You may want to speak to Jenn about a plan first, but you are going to have to tell your wife how this makes you feel. She obviously does not give a hoot about that just yet.

Telling your wife how you feel and what your needs are is not a love buster. It is your responsibility. The love buster comes in the way to tell it... avoid all yelling, show of anger, disrespectful judgements.

<small>[ September 05, 2002, 11:24 PM: Message edited by: zorweb ]</small>

<small>[ September 17, 2003, 08:19 AM: Message edited by: still forever hers ]</small>

To avoid love busting her big time when she comes back home, you might consider the idea of staying the night at a hotel or motel. If she calls you on your cell phone and asks you why you left home, tell her the truth. She may start thinking that the next time she goes out you might just leave her for good.