I found out more lies, I guess I should expect it, but it still hurts. I told my h. since he said he wanted to reconcile with me and wanted to come home eventually there should be no reason for another visit from OW. she lives quite far so they have seen each other about once a month. Well it's been almost 6 wks now so I knew it wouldn't be long. He agreed and said she didn't mention it and he didn't want to see her. Well, me and the kids are going away this coming weekend and won't be able to check on him, I found out from OW's H. that she HAD to go out of town for business that same weekend. H. denied knowing at first, then said nothing was going on. Well I found airline plans at his apt. Also she has no idea we have been seeing each other, or doesn't want to believe it, and he thinks she is going to go nuts or something if he tells her, so he's trying to let her down easy. Which I told him he had to tell her the truth and if she does come out this weekend I am finished. It's been over a year of lies, even when I've caught him, even when I beg him to tell me the truth, he hasn't and I just can't do this anymore. Maybe this is a stupid ? but will he ever change? Should I just let him go totally and forget about it? I'm so tired of being hurt by all his lies aand deceit. Also he went and got another cell phone, after complaining that she wants to keep tabs on him every second. i guess he must enjoy being controlled. I just don't know anymore. Any one with any experience or advice I'm open to anything right now. I'm ready to give up. DBD

You can learn to trust a chronic liar if they give you REASON to trust them. If they come clean, show remorse, CHANGE their ways and demonstrate a LONG pattern of trustworthiness, you could learn to trust them. But if they continue to lie, only a nut would trust a person like that.

Well so far he hasn't shown any reason to trust him, so it's a good thing he is out of the house. one step that has already been taken. But this weekend will be the breaking point if he sees her so whatever happens happens.

I answered my own question-I guess not. Thanks for the answers, I guess I am a nut!

If someone tells you they're a pathological liar, should you believe them?

lol catamount! Even a stopped clock is right twice a day, so I guess even a pathological liar can be truthful occasionally!

Like I said thanks for the answers and support, I was serious but I guess if all I'm going to get is bs I don't need to be here. I do have supportive friends and a counselor, and family that cares about me, and unlike other people I don't need to be here 24/7.

daybyday,

I apologize for offending you. You are right, there is nothing funny about it. Please stick around and get the support you need.

What if they weren't even slight liars before the affiar, but the affair turned them into chronic liars... can you, should you trust them again?

Lyxa,

What I'm writing here might make you a little angry, but it is no way meant to hurt you. I'm trying to offer a point of view from someone that has been in the FOG and devastated the people that mattered most to me. I don't want to see other people fall for that kind of Cr*p so hopefully this will help instead of hurt.

I think that if the person is sincere in wanting to committ to the healing of the relationship, then the lies can and will stop. From some of what you've written, I don't believe that your husband is ready to give up the A. Until he reaches a point where loosing you is more important than anything else, the lies will continue.

You wrote:
"Also she has no idea we have been seeing each other, or doesn't want to believe it, and he thinks she is going to go nuts or something if he tells her, so he's trying to let her down easy."

Sounds like FOG talk to me. Based on just these words, I see a man who is lying to both of you. He is continuing to see you and not telling her that you are together. Sounds like a cake eater.

If he is sincerely wanting to repair your relationship, it shouldn't matter whether or not the OW is hurting. Her feelings are more of a priority because he will not even acknowledge your relationship with him to her. It sounds like you need to take this time by yourself and figure out what your limits are and how much more you can put up with.

Sorry to be so blunt.

Sorry addressed the wrong person. That was meant for Day by Day.....

Thanks Kily, I know what you say is true and I have said the same thing to my H. He won't admit it of course, but I know he doesn't want to give her up. He is so depressed, he looks terrible, not eating or sleepingwell, he's miserable. He's upset because she is supposed to come out here this weekend and I had told him a couple weeks ago if she did we were thru and he knows I mean it this time. So he's up against the wall, and it may be against MB principles to do that but I can't continue this way. I need some kind of closure and even tho I don't want our marriage to be over, it hasn't been a marriage and he hasn't been around that much, I'm getting used to it. He just says I'm harsh and have no compassion, but i won't feel sorry for him anymore and he doesn't like that. He is still in the fog, but I need to be away from that, so this weekend will tell all, I guess. DBD