Just need some opinions on all of you who have been there. Is it possible or is this the norm with an unfaithful H to have a chemical imbalance which is causing him to be so confused? Told me of his A 1st of May and wanted to work things out which I thought we had been. Find out this week he had still been seeing OW after 6 weeks of trying. Told him to leave on Wed. He wanted back with me on Sat.night. Sat.morning he had decided to stay with her (co-worker)and his job. Sat.night he said he wanted me and would quit his job. Back & Forth, Back & Forth...Is this the norm for an unfaithful spouse being so confused. Everyone says he is so mixed up he really doesn't know what he wants. He is 50 years old (married 30 years) Should I tell him to seek medical advice or does this happen to you too?
Thanks...Please let me know..........

Yes, definitely normal... It's called "The Fog", and nearly ALL WS's exhibit it to some degree.

As for being a chemical imbalance... a lot of what we say, think, feel and do is governed by brain chemicals. In A's that are addictions (as nearly all are), the main chemicals involved are dopamine and DEA - i.e., the same involved in addictions to crack, heroine, etc.

So really... yeah! There are chemical issues - likely the same kinds of stuff that adolescents deal with during puberty, etc. - which explains quite well why they act like spoiled teenagers.

It's a proven fact, mind you, that the chemistry of lust has "self limiting" features built into it, that tend to cut it off in the 2-3 year timeframe. After that, the lovers are shooting blanks when it comes to chemistry - and are forced to make a go of it based on real-world qualities such as respect, trust, faith, honesty, hope, etc. - kind of tough for most affairees.

Oh boy, this sure reminds me of what I thought. My H doesn't do drugs (can't even get him to take an aspirin!!). Yet he was acting so nutso, I questioned him about drugs. Even asked the doctor and did a lot of research.

But nope, this A thingy is addicitve enough. Shows similar signs to that exstacy (sp???) drug so popular nowadays.

But chemical imbalance? Could be, more like stupid pill on the brain for most of the WS.

This place has shown how easy it is for some to allow bad thoughts turn them into alien type of characters. Some WS even admit to it. Mine did. He said he didn't even know himself. Of course now when I bring up some of his former comments and conduct, he argues with me that he would 'never' have done anything like that...... then I give him that look...... you know what? He honestly can't remember...... he is a bad actor at lying!!!

L.

Thanks so much for your quick response. I really was starting to wonder if my H wasn't possessed by some alien creature. Everyone he knows said he was acting so weird and not rationalizing anything or making any sense that we were all sure it must have been something medical. This was a whole new version of him, like something had taken over his body.
Anyway, thanks for letting me know this is quite common with an EA addiction like he has.
Still confused