Recently, my H has said:
"I had no choice but to have an A."
"You aren't taking your part of the responsibility for the A."
"Your family won't give me another chance, and that makes me think maybe we shouldn't stay married."
"I'm glad it happened because it brought out the problems in our M."

Comments like those feed my paranoia: is he still having the A and trying to justify it?

He has also said things like:
"I have no desire to contact her. I've done enough damage."
"I'm not going to lie again. If I contact her, our M is over and you'll know it."
"If we DV, I may be open to her if she contacts me."

The only way that I won't be suspicious is if she is dead (no, I am not considering that as a plan) or if I am with him 24 hours a day (no, I am not considering that as a plan either). If he gets a cell phone and I can contact him at any time, he could be talking with me while he is with her. One time during the A, I talked to him when he had just gotten lunch from the cafeteria. I remember how excited he sounded and wondered why. Well, he was used to get lunch from the cafeteria and go off to the park with her. If we move, he can still be in phone and e-mail contact, and it is not appropriate for me to be logging into his work e-mail. So what do I do?

How I feel is very similar to how I felt during the A, lots of suspicions but no proof. Back then, my trust in my H overruled my suspicions. Now the trust is gone. What do I do? Divorce him because of suspicions when he says he learned his lesson and won't ever do this again -- or trust that he has learned his lesson and trust that the suspicions will lessen over time? Inertia may result in my allowing time to pass, but it sure is difficult to live with myself in the meantime. Any recommendations?

I had a friend who was a BS whose H ended up cheating again after 4 months. First A was a one night stand, second an internet A. She said he did not try to heal the relationship after A #1, so she was not surprised at A #2. However she said that by staying until A #2 occurred, she would be able to look into the eyes of her young son when he grew older and tell him she honestly tried to give the marriage a second chance. I have clung to that ever since the A. My H has done everything "right" as far as trying to make up, learning from his mistake, etc. My hangup - He still works with her, the entire A took place at work, and the fact that she's still interested and it's only his disinterest in her that's keeping them apart makes trusting him, having faith in him and rebuilding very difficult.

Yes, some of his comments sound foggy. How long since the A ended? Has he attended counseling, filled out the Emotional Needs Survey on this site, done anything to try to heal the marriage? If he's still coming out of the fog, then don't put too much stock in what he's saying. My H's tune changed quite a bit from D-day to 2 weeks later. And now 10 months later his view is even clearer.

Make a plan, decide exactly what you plan to do if you find out he is still cheating. Don't be a helpless BS. Just having a backup plan will help you not feel so helpless and powerless over the situation. I have a plan, and I also still have it in place with few alterations even though it is 10 months down the road and all is going well.