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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 186
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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 186 |
My WW and I have been doing really well in making deposits in eachother's love bank since I found out about the A one month ago. She has had no contact with the OM and it seems as though she truly understands the magnitude of the mistake that she had made. I am still having my good days and bad days though. I keep thinking of WW being touched in ways that only I should have been touching her and I get really quiet and withdrawn. My WW picks up on my mood change and wants to make sure that I am OK, which causes her to cry when I reveal to her that I am having a period of sadness. What can I do to work through this without going through this cycle over and over again?
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
You will go through this cycle over and over though. That is how you heal, it is part of the grieving and acceptance process. My pattern went like this: build up for about a month, then talk about it, start building up again, talk about it, on and on. The 8 month mark was a tough one. After that it was down hill. Starting at around month 12-13, it never came up on a regular basis but maybe every 4-5 months. I rarely think about it now.
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3,454
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3,454 |
Yep, first year is the hardest. I'm 2.5 years past d-day, 16 months into recovery. My husband and I can both talk about the OW without major trauma on either side. He's over her, and in love with me. Time and the right actions on your wife's part will heal your trauma, but right now, you are expecting way too much of yourself.
Heck, 1 month into recovery I was barely trusting my husband enough to let him move home, and that was only with his entire life under a microscope so I knew he wasn't lying!
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