Hi ... my WW is moving into an apartment this weekend. This is not a Plan B, as I am not to that point yet. I did borrow from some Plan B letters, so it will look familiar.
My intent? Overt: To tell her that I love her and reiterate my desire for honesty (which has been missing lately). Covert: Much like a Plan B letter, to leave her with something loving and great to undermine the fog.
Please ... feedback appreciated. Thanks in advance.
Here goes ...
WW –
On our wedding day, I promised to you that you would not walk alone, to give my heart as your shelter and my arms as your home; I pledged to you my honesty, my care, my protection and my time. You are a gift to me and I have loved you so that in my love you might find yourself as you’ve been intended, so beautiful and strong and brave and true; so that the entire world might be blessed by the presence of a woman who shines so.
I believed then, as I do now, that we would be together forever and the thought that we may not grow old together saddens me deeply. We have had truly amazing times and we have had difficult times, but we had each other and for many wonderful years that was all it took.
I remember being scared to approach you because I was so in awe of you. I remember lying on your bed with you on a breezy September afternoon, declaring our brand new love to each other. I remember the day I knew I was going to marry you as clearly as I remember the night you proposed. I remember late night phone calls those times we’ve been apart. And how scared and excited we were when we signed our lease at 7th and Maple. I remember every Christmas and birthday and anniversary. I get choked up when I think about how lovely you looked when you appeared at the top of the aisle with your dad on that magnificent day in April almost five years ago. I love every story you have from your childhood and I still wish I knew you then. I recall the look on your face when I asked if you wanted move to XXXXXX – it was like I was seeing you again for the very first time. The sound of your voice when you found our house is as fresh in my ears today as it was then. I have watched the most beautiful girl become the most beautiful woman and it’s the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.
When I got sick, the actions that shelter my promises to you began to vanish and the more you reached out to me the more they disappeared. I never wanted that to happen and I am so sorry that it did. And I’m sorry that the way I treated you created an environment that helped make your affair with OM possible. You needed me in so many ways and I was lost in the scary and seemingly lonely shadows in my brain. I wasn’t available to you when you needed me most and we are both still living with this heartbreak. I know I can’t change the past. I can only influence the future. While I don’t claim to know all the answers to the tests of marriage, I can claim to be well on my way to becoming a healthier and better man than I was before … the kind of man I hope you would be proud to call your husband again … the kind of man you admire.
You said a few weeks back that you don’t know if we can ever get back to the way we were. I don’t know if we can do it, either. And even if I did know, I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t be what I want. We are always changing and what we once were existed only in that moment. My desires and hopes are that we can become something much greater than we were, to give you the life you deserve, to give you hope that you could return to a marriage you wanted.
I’ll be honest with you. I’m scared to death sometimes lately. And, right now, I am hurting more than I have ever hurt before. I want you to know that I still believe in us … in our marriage … in you. I am a patient man and I love you very much. I will wait as long as I am able. In the meantime, I ask that you be honest with me, even when – no, especially when – you think it will be too painful for me. I want you to know you that you can tell me anything. I will not punish you. I will listen. I will be your friend. I will be your husband.
I love you,
whippit
<small>[ November 09, 2002, 11:47 PM: Message edited by: whippit ]</small>
