Last October through this past March I had a EA with a co-worker that turned in to a one time PA. During this time my H tried very hard to get me to see the light and work on our M. It took me awhile to come around, but I did. I think it was too late, though. I have been trying extremely hard to work on our M. At the current time the OP and I are still working in the same building, but there is no contact. I spoke to both of my bosses and told them the whole story as to give my H some sense that I am telling the truth as to the no contact at work. I have been seeing a counselor and H went with me one time. I have made a commitment to look for another job. Have been at my job for 14 years and would like to transfer to another department rather than just quit. H won’t commit to working on anything until I don’t work here anymore. I feel that we should both be giving 50/50. Why should I try to look for another job when he isn’t giving me anything? For two months now, he completely ignores me at home.
I know most of you on this board are the BS’s and I am the one who the made the mistake, but I need some help with how he’s feeling and some insight into what I can do. We have been M for 14 years and have two sons. If I didn’t give enough information, please let me know. Please everyone, pray for us. Thank you.

well your husband needs to trust you again. He feels he can not trust you until you find a new job. If yu really want to make it work your going to have to earn his trust. If finding a new job will earn his trust back then that is what you will have to do. When my wife finally decides to come home and be a family she is going to have to earn my trust. I can see where you husband iscoming from. God bless and lots of luck to you.

LWH,

Your H is probably feeling a lot of anger and betrayal right now. You said that you finally came around to working on the marriage, was H working on it during that time? I am BS from over a year ago when my W had a PA and over two and a half years since her EA with some PA. During this time she has made a few small efforts to come around but then has slipped back to her own life. I have been back and forth with my emotions but have mainly stuck with working through it in order to keep my M alive. I can understand his feelings about you still working at the same place as OM. Even though you say there is no contact, the opportunity is still there. Your H, if he is still willing to make a go at your M, does need to take a chance on you. You have destroyed the bond of trust between you and the only way to start regaining it is for you to be totally honest about everything and H to take a chance on you. I just wish someone would talk my W into making the effort you are.

I agree with the previous posters. Imagine how you would feel if the roles had been reverse and your husband had an emotional affair that led to a one time sexual encounter. You have been trying him to see the light but he continues to work at the same place with her. How do you think you would feel? You have hopefullly just temporarlily destroyed your husband's self esteem and self respect. Do you really feel you would be making a full effort if your husband worked and saw the OW everyday? It sounds like you do not have a clue of the pain your husband is going through. Maybe if it happened to you then you would have a different perspective on what you did and what you continue to do. It sounds like your job is more important than your husband or your marriage and your husband is feeling the same way.

I got some very good advice today on this board from a ww about this very subject. However, I think you could still work there if you had no contact. Your husband doesn't believe you and that's too bad. I think you will have to do what he wants to make this work. Do it fast.

To Bryanp: Well about 8 years ago my H did have an EA with a co-worker, but stopped it before it became a PA. I questioned it then but he denied it. It didn’t come out until I confessed. He did continue to work with her but had no contact. (They no longer work together now.) But, I didn’t know about it. I do know the pain my husband is going through. I listen to him talk about it, I see a counselor to help me understand him. But why should I quit my job when he can’t say if he will work on things with me? It doesn’t matter where you work you can still see the OP if you want to (which I don’t). I have already applied for two other jobs. He doesn’t see that as me trying to find another job.
TO Jetes—yes during the time I couldn’t get myself together, H was trying.

My job does not mean more to me than my H or my M, I am trying but things don’t happen overnight.

Some more info...I work in a school and my kids come to school with me.