Time is ticking away and I believe my wife(WS) and myself are just drifting a part like two ships at sea. When I spoke to Steve H. about three weeks ago he said to stay in Plan A and try to stay in contact with my wife as best as I can. Basically he said stay right under her radar. I attempt to talk to my wife via phone, email, etc.. I get the voice mail on the cell phone and if he calls back within say five days I am lucky. She doesn’t really call back any more. If I send her an email she usually doesn’t reply. If she replies it is like a week later and I get the typical “oh sorry I was busy crap.”
I don’t want to throw in the towel and call it quits but it seems to me that the way things are that the pieces are there to break up and not work out. How do I keep trying to someone how be in contact with my wife when she doesn’t choose to communicate with me in any fashion. Keep in mind about two weeks ago she told me she felt the next step was a divorce. She said she would never be with me like it once was. I haven’t responded to her on that one and I am waiting to talk to Steve on 11/25 to see what guidance he gives to me. I got my wife to talk to Steve a week ago and my wife said she didn’t expect for it to be marriage talk. She wasn’t too happy with hearing what Steve had to say. Here is what she said an email to be below after talking to Steve..

WS
----
I spoke w/Steve Harley on Friday. I had a completely different impression of what he and I were going to be discussing vs. what he talked about. He is there to help save marriages and help make them work. I am sorry BS, but I just talked to you a couple of weeks ago about this and I did tell you that I have made up my mind as to what I want my future to be. I thought that by me talking to Steve I would be able to give him my side of the story and that he would be able to better guide you towards accepting my decision, but he ended up doing the complete opposite. I am sorry to come across blunt and possibly cold, but I have shared my final decision with you and at this point I am just asking you if we can proceed with the whole process in an adult
--
So what do I do know? We have separate life’s and she lives on her own I live on her own. We don’t really talk. We have separate checking accounts. She doesn’t wear her ring. Unless she is struck by some miracle am I looking at my own fog in the mirror and just not seeing the reflection? The only thing we have in common at this point is we have the same last name. I feel the only thing left that I control is whether I want to agree to a divorce or not. Right now I feel like I want to never give her a divorce just for the way I was treated in the end. I just don’t know what to do. I want something I don’t or can’t have and it is hard….

Confused guy,

I know that this is hard to believe, but it's not too late and things can turn around completely.
Even though she is not giving you much hope right now.
Have faith. You don't know what may happen next month in her life to make her miss being your wife. Pray alot, and I'll pray for you two also.
Just try to keep on track and not get too discouraged. I know that this is hard-I've been there. It took eight months, and most of those eight mos. he never showed me any hope and even filed for divorce. We reconciled. We also divorced years later due to his alcohol abuse.
I just want you to see that a spouse that wants out can easily have a change of heart when you least expect it.

Anyone else?? I have been thinking about this all weekend. I just don't know....

confused,
don't give up hope. I was the WS, and it took a long time for the fog to lift. Continue being very kind to her, and showing her you care in the best way you can. When the fog REALLY lifted, it was too late for me--as it still is. However, I am saying--don't give up. I'm still not, either, and I'm divorced!

My BS was always very kind to me, despite the pain I'd caused. In time I began to compare him constantly to OM. BS was always the superior one... The A will most likely unravel, just give it time.

H_P

Don't give up hope...but don't put all your hopes and dreams in this one vessel (ie. W) either. Continue doing what you've been doing as far as WS is concerned...but also, continue making whatever changes you need and want in your life. Don't put your life on hold. Move forward.

Make your life a happy one. If the WS decides that she wants to add to your happiness...and that's still what you want...then you're ahead of the game. But, if WS continues on the path she is taking now...you're life will still be fullfilling and happy rather she shares in it or not.

Praying that wherever your healing path takes you...you find love, happiness and joy.

<small>[ November 18, 2002, 01:31 AM: Message edited by: just a wifey 2002 ]</small>

confused.....come join our prayer group. We pray every week for the restoration of our marriages. We would love to have you as a prayer warrior to pray with us.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=34;t=007731

Have you been to www.rejoiceministries.org

Never give up. God can do anything.

Love in Christ
cajunky

<small>[ November 18, 2002, 01:38 AM: Message edited by: cajunky ]</small>

Confused Guy-

Turns out you and I have alot in common as my WW and I have been separted since 11/01 and now have little contact in the last couple of months as the D draws near. In addition, I'd also like to see things work out and am hoping for a "miracle" as well.

I know it will sound like a broken record, but continue to work on yourself and seek out those things that make you happy. As hard as it is to do, I think you need to recognize the possibility that you can find love again if it doesn't work out with your WW. Not only find love, but possibly have a much greater appreciation and understanding of love. That thought, along with praying for forgiveness, has given me lots of strength to get through the tough times. Good luck!

I feel as if I can change myself to be the best person in the world. I could pray until I could pray no more. I could convert my body into a temple. I could do everything right and nothing could change. Everyday I just hope for a sign or something. It just is real frustrating when I call my wife this weekend due to my grandpa being very ill with a tumor and she screens my call. She doesn't call back. She doesn't make a phone call to my grandpa who has been asking about her. I ask who the hell is my wife any more? Where has she gone? This isn't my wife any more.
If everyone says the WS wakes up out of the fog one day. When is that one day? If I could just see sign that my wife is still in that body I would be happy. My wife has become a very selfish, self centered person. She is the president of the cake eaters....

Confused Guy: My heart goes out to you. I know myself how it hurts to try to be the best person in the world for your spouse and they still aren't interested. I feel for you. I often wonder what would it be like to be loved and adored so much? Our spouses have no idea how unique people like us on this board are. We devote ourselves to our marriages and our spouses, and not many people out there can say that.

It sounds like you've been going through this for a while. Please keep posting and we'll respond to get you through.

CG-

How do you think you're doing with regards to not feeling "needy" or wanting something from your WW when you talk to her? Is it possible you're pressuring her in some way when you have contact? The only reason I ask is I know, from personal experience, that those feelings are usually transparent to the WS and counter-productive to R.

The reason I know this is because I'm the KING of pressuring and making my WW feel guilty about the choices she's made. I've managed to curb that behavior in the past couple of months (for the most part) and have had much better interactions with her. Good luck man and we're pulling for you.

litchfield...
I hear what you are saying but I feel I haven't pressured her with the phone call. She was the one that told me to keep her informed of my grandpa's health. So I do so and now I get burnt. I feel like I am using a double sided sword and I just keep cutting myself. She acted like she cared about this and now I see she just doesn't give a flying you know what. I am just once again frustrated with her not doing anything actions...