Hi Again
I have another question to ask...How do you deal with your W saying nothing but negative things and rehashing everything in the past. Please I will take any advice I can get.

Try agreeing with her...see if that turns her into finding something positive to say about it. Then agree to that.

It's almost like she is trying to put me into tears, and then kick me when I'm down. Then when I am crawling to get a paper towell or a drink of water she wants to break the glass. She can go on for hours about how rotten of a guy I am. I start to look up and say "Lord make it stop" I beg her and she just keeps going and going.

tired - first, realize she's reading right from the WS script. Very, very, very typical. (I'm assuming she's having an affair?)

By definition, everything to do with you IS negative. It HAS to be for her to justify her affair. Has she told you that you caused the affair yet? She will.

So, expect this stuff as normal affair behavior and don't believe a word she says. Ignore it or follow wifey's advice - but in no case argue with her.

But here's a twist: You might want to LISTEN to it. Play the part and fix any reasonable criticisms, thereby eliminating them. Even fix the unreasonable ones that are easy. If she complains that you bring home Coke instead of Pepsi - bring home Pepsi. Easy. Believe it or not, this was an actual criticism of a current poster's spouse. (K or Chris? - I can't remember). The point here is to remove the reasons she has elevated as justifications for the affair. You'll know you're making headway when she makes up new reasons.

No I was the one that had the A...Check out How to get through the bad days... I know I deserve it because of all the hate that I cause, but I want to show her the love and caring that she deserves. When she is in these moods it seems that she just needs to vent, but for days at a time???

OK, I apologize for misunderstanding.

Consider telling her about this site and coming to us for validation and understanding.

WAT

<small>[ November 20, 2002, 02:55 PM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

If she complains that you bring home Coke instead of Pepsi
BOTH of us bought Pepsi and after she left me, she said it was because I never bought Coke?!?

Anyhoo, if she says something that is true (you had an affair, blah, blah, blah) then agree with her & tell her you were wrong. If she says things that are NOT true (the moon is made of green cheese) tell her you never thought of that and you will have to think about that.

Truth is in the eye of the beholder
- he ran fast by me

facts are what happened
- he ran by me

He did run by you (fact) but what is fast to you may not be fast to me(truth). Understand?

Remember though, you are NOT doing this simply to get along. You are trying to understand from her point of view and how it may have affected her. This is the key to successful relationships ala' Harley.

<small>[ November 20, 2002, 03:48 PM: Message edited by: Chris (CA123) ]</small>