I havn't posted in awhile. I hav a new job and I have been busy. I have been talkng with my WW almost everday. She calls just to chat and talk with me. It's funny how she wants to be my friend but not my wife. OM is taking all the tests and is going to join the military. I say good I hope they ship him off somewhere far. My WW is mad at him right now. Last night he called her his ex wife's name. I thought it was funny. When my WW comes home will she only be here until OM comes back from military. I will do everything I can with marriage counseling and building a better marriage but how will I ever be sure? That is what is scaring me right now. I have another problem. I met this other woman who is really nice and I'm not sure what to do. I want to work things out with my wife but If they don't then I will be losing both. I should have never started seeing this other woman but I was so lonely. I just wanted some company. I don't want to hurt her. I have to go out of town for three days for job training. I'm going to do some thinking. When it comes right down to it I just want my life back. any comments or suggestions?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by wrngler:
I havn't posted in awhile. I hav a new job and I have been busy. I have been talkng with my WW almost everday. She calls just to chat and talk with me. It's funny how she wants to be my friend but not my wife. OM is taking all the tests and is going to join the military. I say good I hope they ship him off somewhere far. My WW is mad at him right now. Last night he called her his ex wife's name. I thought it was funny. When my WW comes home will she only be here until OM comes back from military. I will do everything I can with marriage counseling and building a better marriage but how will I ever be sure? That is what is scaring me right now. I have another problem. I met this other woman who is really nice and I'm not sure what to do. I want to work things out with my wife but If they don't then I will be losing both. I should have never started seeing this other woman but I was so lonely. I just wanted some company. I don't want to hurt her. I have to go out of town for three days for job training. I'm going to do some thinking. When it comes right down to it I just want my life back. any comments or suggestions?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Does this new woman in your life know that you are married and separated from your WW? If not then you are being dishonest and unfair with her. If this is the case, then you are now in an A of your own. The best thing you can do for this new woman and for yourself is to be honest with her and tell her that you are not ready to give up on your M and that to avoid any more misleading of her heart, it would be best to not see each other again.

If you are scared to be without a woman in your life then I'm afraid the you MAY have some serious co-dependency issues that you need to resolve before you are ready for a relationship with your WW or any other woman.

And as far as your WW is concerned, I would like to suggest to NOT be so available to your WW because she is using you to vent her frustrations with OM. Once she's vented she again is ready to resume her R with OM while you still wait for the A to blow apart. If you were only available say only half of the time, then she may reach the point where she'll have enough of OM and her love bank for him will close for good.

Before I go let me reiterate once more end your new R with OW NOW.

That's what I figured someone would say. It's not that I need someone around It's just nice. I did tell my WW about the woman today. She is jealous. Now she want's to talk to me even more. I think she knows her relationship with OM isn't going to last and she was figureing I would always be waiting for her. She is now rethinking that. She wants to come over and have a talk and see me tommarrow before I leave. She even hinted on going with me. OM will be out of town the same time I am. I guess we will see what happenns.

Good---I was waiting to read that someone starting dating and the other spouse may become jeolous! I have heard of this working many times.

I think this is a good angle for you. I really think you need to spend less time around your WW right now and more time getting yourself together. Get some new threads...new cologne...new hairstyle....get more confident. Show her how it could be and if she waits too long someone else will get you..........keep doing the jealousy thing....I think this may work well in your situation since she keeps in contact with you and OM isn't in her best graces. Don't flaunt it just act a little more indifferent. I wish I was a little in this position.

I'll probably get flack on that but it is just my opinion that if you tried other things that this may be the one to help. It surely won't hurt. Just keep boundaries with other woman. I hate to say it (and it probably isn't right) but you may have to use another person to get your W back. I guess I would do ANYTHING to hold my W in my arms again.

Good Luck

<small>[ November 23, 2002, 05:20 PM: Message edited by: AlanArthur ]</small>

Thanks. I am hoping this works. I don't want to really use someone like that. I have set boundries and I told this new woman I'm newly seperated and want to take it slow. All I can do is hope for the best. Good luck to you ad god bless.

bump

wrngler,
To be fair to this other woman I do think you need to tell her that you are working to save the marriage and you two should be considered friends only. Don't do ANYTHING you will regret if you and your wife get back together....then you will feel miserable. It's risky being alone with a female even if you are just "friends". Depends how serious you are about wanting wife back. There may come a point and time that you find someone else that you like or love better. Your W is taking that chance........remember she did it (I did it) and it is soooooooooo easy to do if your not careful

Remember: Have a clear plan and do not deviate. You are playing with fire and if fuel gets near it will blow up in your face. You really don't even need to be dating. Just getting new clothes and image will make W think you are getting on without her and others may be checking you out.

DON'T BE SO AVAILABLE TO YOUR W....let her and OM suffer awhile on their own. She will miss you.

I actually already told the new woman what was going on already and she hasn't spoken to me since. This is for the best. I must say though it sent a message to my WW. She wanted all the details about this woman. I didn't give her many. I'm starting to wonder if OM leaves will she still want t caoe back to me or not?