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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 70
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OP
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 70 |
I really need some help. Background - I'm the FWS. I confessed to a very brief A. Sent OM NC letter copy to my H. We are slowly recovering.
I have a question regarding contact with other males. A business contact (guy) I know is in my city visiting and wants to see me. Something about this doesn't feel right as I am married and he is divorced. I am very scared to respond to this man because I don't know what to say. My legs are shaky just thinking about it. This man is not someone I have ever had any inappropriate contact with but I am still scared of his motives.
I will tell my H but I'm scared at any step back in our recovery so I want to be careful. I love my H so much and he has been extremely loving and supportive.Can someone help with what I should say to this man and also to my H?
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 840
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 840 |
if the other guy wants to meet socially, why not take husband along?
if you are uncomfortable having him together WITH husband, well, then maybe that's a sign that you shouldnt see him at all.
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
a big ditto to Nick. My thoughts exactly.
Does your H visit this site? Please recommend it to him. There are lots of BS guys like Nick and I around who can identify with him.
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
Oh, I forgot to answer your question.
Your response to the guy: "What do you have in mind? I'll see if it fits in with my husband's and my calendar. We do everything together."
To your H: "I was contacted by a guy who wants to visit with me and I don't know his motives, but it makes me feel uncomfortable. I just needed to tell you this because it's the right thing to do." Then seek his support in doing ALL the right things in this situation.
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 70
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OP
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 70 |
I appreciate your points of view. I will respond with no thanks. I think that's best as my H doesn't have interest in my business dealings. My gut feeling is this guy wouldn't be interested in seeing my H anyway. Maybe that's why I felt panicky. I think it's really important for me to have very little contact with any males of any kind. I'm not trying to be freaky about this and paranoid but in the interest of our recovering M, the rules should probably be no contact with any males at any time alone anywhere. I will discuss with with my H. I'll also suggest that he visit here. Thanks for the offer to help.
Does this sound reasonable? Before the A I would have thought nothing of having male colleagues. Now I think differently.
I will explain to H in a loving way. I don't want to keep anything from him.
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 6,950
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 6,950 |
Hydra you are to be commended for showing so much love and concern for your H and looking out against the outside dangers to your M (other males). Your H is a lucky man.
Peace be with you both.
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