For those who know my story have to ask your opinion, WS was asked to move out when he became less of a human being and started getting nasty with us. Well, he has been over 2 times to get stuff and barely takes anything out, also we changed the locks because of his erratic behavior. Today when he came by he noticed that the locks were changed and of course became instant "victim man". Saying how petty and immature we were and that WE were not being kind, blah blah. Proceeded to tell me that he had to drop one of his important classes (that he dropped last year because "life was too hard on him")and it was our fault for making him move out when he was sick last week-end and all the stress. I had to disagree, I said "WS you made these choices, you made it impossible to be around you with your disrespecting behavior when all I was doing was being polite and trying to show you that all this could be made easier, but; again you CHOSE to make everything about you. You had (and still are) the A. You showed nothing in any remorse, or even cared if the dogs ate, not to mention any care for my behalf, sister, my brother. "So I feel WS, that since you need to justify your actions as I know you do, if it makes you feel better, blame us all you want for YOUR choices, but you really are running out of people since you have ostersized all family and support" My questions for the people who have followed my posts: 1) I really do not think changing the locks was a bad idea given WS mental behavior of late, do you? 2) I do not think what I said to him was a LB, do you? Please feel free to be honest with me. I would appreciate it.

Originally posted by Neesha:
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1) I really do not think changing the locks was a bad idea given WS mental behavior of late, do you? </strong>

Do you feel safer as a result? Then it doesn't matter how he views it. Your safety is reason enough. His in/out privileges were lost due to his choices. Ask him: If someone was abusive to you and acting like you, would you want him around?

<strong>2) I do not think what I said to him was a LB, do you? </strong>

Anything you say will be taken as an LB. That is why the same words in plan A is an LB but plan B it is not.

I changed the locks on my door the day after the WS moved out. I feared for our safety. I did not know what he would do if he was allowed in our home 24/7. Also I felt I was enabling his bad habits if he had in/out privileges.

LB or no LB, I changed the locks for my protection. The police, counselor, etc. agreed.

L.

Neesha --

Old adage: one cannot get from this mountain top to the next without descending into the valley.

I'm sorry for this latest valley in your journey; perhaps to be expected, given WS's myriad problems, but upsetting for you nonetheless.

I concur on both of Orchid's responses (as I usually do). You MUST set boundaries for you, your family, even your dogs, to insure your safety and well-being. Of course, WS won't "like" whatver steps you take nor understand why they are necessary. As Orchid said, it doesn't matter what you say or do, everything will be viewed by him as a "you're out to get me" threat. Remember, in his eyes, all of this is "your fault." Changing the locks clearly shows him that his current behaviors are completely unacceptable and are no longer being tolerated as the "norm" by this family. No more!

I continue to admire your calm and rational responses in the face of his storms. You've always had a wonderfully Zen-like approach throughout. Until WS begins to see things clearly and accept full responsibility for this mess--until The Fog clears--you're most likely in for more of this bumpy ride. So fasten seat belts and keep your cool. You're doing the RIGHT things, Neesha.

Ammon

Thank-You, I just had to hear it from "my support team", I was feeling like I needed a "check". Sometimes when you are caught up into one of the "fog talks", it almost is a vortex to hell in your head, it's like they almost have you believing they have a point, (in which I wasn't that naive. I wanted to thank you both for coming thru for me again, as I did not feel I did anything wrong, and I also do not consider myself in plan A/B. I just consider myself taking care of my family from someone who intentionally caused hurt and pain. Take care and thanks as always for letting me "ground" myself here.

Neesha,

Glad to hear you are feeling stronger. These thoughts will come and go, the stronger you get the less they come.

Hang in there, we are right here with you.

Cyber hug coming your way! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
L.