Hi

This is a question that I have been struggling with since DDay. Throughout our R, my H has been loyal, trustworthy, honest, reliable etc and that is part of the reason I love him and put up with my current treatment. Why is it then that a 'good man' can make the decision to be unfaithful to his partner and then express feelings of guilt only in relation to his treatment of the ow?

I see this as displacement of loyalties. Rather than allowing himself to feel guilty for his treatment of me, he sees the ow as an innocent who saw he was unhappy and wanted to help him. The fact that he is now unsure what he wants, allows him to feel guilt for his treatment of the "inncocent" party, the ow.

I am sure that if it were not for this displaced guilt, my h would have decided to gice our R another try, but he cant while he still feels that he owes her something and is letting her down. I realise thatb this is part of the fog, but I am interested in others thoughts on this displacement of guilt and how it has been resolved.

LH