Ya know, it's funny what a little contact can do to a BS.

I had a great weekend, had that 2 hour phone call with my WW on Thursday, spent Friday, Saturday, and Sunday with good friends, watched some movies, tv, hit some bars, ate some food...A fine time was had by all. Yet, here it is Sunday night, and I sit here feeling a bit depressed and missing my WW again.

I was doing so good, too! Even before the weekend, before New Years, I was feeling better than ever about myself. Then the phone call came from WW, and then another, and things were great. Maybe it's just that tomorrow is back to work, the weekend plans are over, and I've got nothing exciting going on for a while that makes it a little harder. It's so much easier to be upbeat about things when you've got a lot going on. But I can't plan out every single day with something exciting to do either, I suppose.

I am realizing that patience is the key here, and believe me, I am not sitting by the phone waiting for a call, I'm keeping very busy doing fun things for myself, house chores, working, and the like. But I still find myself thinking about my WW a lot, and hoping that the phone call wasn't just a fluke, but a genuine start to something better.

It's been 2 and a half months since D-Day, and not much longer since her A started, yet I also still feel those emotions tugging away at me. I still sometimes think of things she is doing with OM and I get angry or jealous. I know it's not good, but I do. I like to think she misses me. I like to think she's coming out of the fog. I like to think the newness of the A is wearing off, and that I'm looking like the better man again.

But I also sometimes find myself wondering if my W is truly happier with OM, or at least still sees me as only a friend now, and no longer a husband. The fact that, in our last few meetings and conversations, Dv papers have not been brought up, or divorce at all, especially in that last 2 hour conversation, gives me hope. It does make me believe that she may not be in such a hurry to throw our M away after all.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. Patience, patience, patience. I need to keep telling myself to have all the hope I want, but to keep my expectations low. I did not expect another contact from her this weekend. But I do hope to hear from her again soon.

It's funny, just like the A is a drug for my WW, I think that positive contact and the opportunity to put my Plan A in action is becoming somewhat of an addiction for me as well!

Hope to have more good news soon. Until then, I'm still on that rollercoaster, over 2 months later.

ALS

<small>[ January 05, 2003, 10:25 PM: Message edited by: ALostSoul ]</small>

Not to dampen the mood but the rollar coaster ride lasts much longer than 2 months. However you sound better and Im glad you are doing stuff to keep you busy. That is very important. Sitting around with time on your hands can be lethal. Your mind wonders all sorts of crazy stuff. You have to stay super busy.

Have you thought of adding anything that you can do on Sunday. Make it a day where you maybe workout some, go for a long walk, read a good book, rent a movie, or invite a few friends over for munchies and something to drink.

I know the tugs can be tough on the heart but you are doing really good. Keep us up to date and hope things continue to get better. Its tough. Take it from me. Ive been on the rollar coaster for a few years now but that is part of the plan and in the end you just shoot for the goal of stability, whether its with your spouse or not, you still have YOU and you are worthy of peace and stability in your life.

Zoey

ALS,

I agree with you. I can go for days feeling okay, especially when I am busy. Then Sundays come, and partly due to the doom of having to go back to work the next day, and partly due to all the quiet time alone Sundays seem to lead to, I usually get very lonely and depressed.

I also struggle with having patience, from the other side of the fence, waiting for my BS to come around. Somehow I'm more patient when I'm busy....the more quiet time alone I have, the more impatient I get. But lately I've just adopted the philosophy that my H is worth the wait, even if it's a long one.

I just wanted to let you know you're not alone in your feelings!

Take care,

Jen

Hi

I have followed your story and can relate to your pain. I can see positive results that your plan A is haveing so you must keep up the good work. You must also manage your expectations and protect yourself. My H is showing strong signs of coming out of the fog, and I can honestly say that for me, it was easier when he was still well into the fog. Somebody told me that the rollercoaster gets harder as ws come out of the fog and I wondered why as surely it would be easier when you see more and more baby steps - right? Well now I understand why it isnt. You will see baby steps and feel wonderful. Then, even w/o LBing, you will see backward steps and the ws will withdraw. Then you will see baby steps or even giant steps and then withdrawal. This period is vv tough and you have to be strong. It will be tempting to withdraw yourself.

In my case, I was seeing so many changes in attitude that I started forgetting about myself, and started putting my ws b4 me own interests and letting go of the few boundaries I had set. I stopped going out to the gym if my h said he might stop by, I waited in etc. You need to continue protecting yourself and ensuring that you do things to satisfy your life. I find it particularly hard on a sunday as I see my h for most of saturday and then gho a day or two w/o contact. I was starting to wait in for him on the offchance of seeing him, but now I am ensuring that I am setting my own agenda again. Last night, I went for a late night session at the health suite of a local gym, swim, sauna, sun bed etc. It felt wonderful and I felt a lot better. However, now its back to work and thats another story....

Dont let this depress you, I dont mean to. You are doing great and that shows by the signs that you see in you w. Al I am saying is meet her needs as far as you can, but make sure that you protect yourself and if there are particular times when you know you feel down, then introduce a new activity to occupy your time.

Keep up the good work, work on yourself, but it wont happen overnight, the fog is difficult to predict.

LH

Zoey,

It's good to see you here. I was reading your posts on the recovery area. I can't imagine going through 3 years of Plan A to have my WW still not responding, you are a very strong person. I hope you will stay here with us regardless of what you decide to do.

I guess I don't have a problem keeping super busy, but sometimes my mind wanders even then. I had friends around all weekend, Friday through Sunday night, but then my mind started to wander when the house was empty again. I do my best to try and control that but I have a very active brain I guess!

I'm fine with a long rollercoaster ride, I just am hopeful for more positive steps. I felt good after the phone call with my wife last Thursday, but now I start to wonder why she called -- Was it because she missed me and was thinking of coming home? Or was it just because she has a guilty conscience and felt she had to talk to me? Or is she just trying to play both sides of the fence?

She still stopped short of making any plans to see a movie or even have a cup of coffee with me, so I can only assume she still is seeing OM. I hope to talk to her more regularly, or even see her socially sometime soon, but I intend to sit back and let her control the contact now. Staying in the shadows seems to work better for me than pursuit.

Jen,

Thank you for your feelings, I can tell you can relate to exactly where I am now. The best philosophy is yours, that it is WORTH the wait. I need to tell myself that as well.

LH,

Hey, great to hear from you again! I am glad that you think my Plan A is having some positive results. It will take some more regular contact to convince me that things are working, I am also ready for things to go back into little to no contact from her as well. The ball remains in her court as far as contacting me goes.

The good thing is that, so far, my WW seems to be following the script rather closely. It's the worst case scenario, she's moved out and continues the PA, however, I am finally showing positive changes and that might be giving her second thoughts. I realize the next steps SHOULD be that she slowly comes around if my Plan A is solid, and even then, there may be moments in and out of the fog.

I am hoping that the fog lessens and lessens, and that we can become friends again, talk more regularly, see each other, and the like. I agree with you, too, if she comes out of the fog more often, it will be harder seeing her and then NOT seeing her. I get better when there is no contact for a LONG time, then right AFTER contact I feel great, but then come down from that again. It truly is an addiction of sorts!

I will continue to keep busy, better myself, and be positive. Been doing pretty good considering my situation, I am continually thankful for all of the wonderful people here, those who post to me or just read, and all the help I've received so far. I have no doubt that without this place, I'd have just LBed until there was no hope, divorced, and been miserable. At least now, whatever happens, I will know I did all that I can.

ALS