first, I would like to thank everyone who responded to my posts....I appreciate all the advice...
The other day, I found out my H lied to me again...The affair was more than a one time thing...it was ongoing, but he says he has no feelings for the ow...and he said he found no sexual release with her..so why did he keep going back? and now he says it is because she is strong and independant, and she made him feel good about himself...and he says he is tired of being in a dependant relationship, and that the only chance I have of hanging onto him, is if I become strong and independant...he says I cannot love him unless I love myself...the problem is, I don't know how to love myself or care about myself anymore...what self-esteem I had went down the toilet when he chose someone else over me...I want to be the one to make him feel good about himself, but he says I am too dependant on him, and he will never be in a dependant relationship again...he said he built his world around me once, and I hurt him to bad and he will never do it again...I don't know what to do...I am losing him...I don't know how to care about myself anymore...and I don't know how to be strong and independant, when all I want is to be his everything again...I don't want to do things with out him...I don't want friends of my own, I don't want to go anywhere...I just want him...what do I do? He told me to get angry, and no matter how hard I try, I can't...I feel in my heart that I deserve what I got...and I feel in my heart that I deserve to lose him...and I am so afraid...