WW Has essentially plan B'd me. What do I do? Send a plan B letter and go with it or just keep laying low w/o a sound?

Unless things change, our next contact will be at MC on the 28th. And then, who knows.

Do I wait until after the next MC to send the Plan B letter? Do I send one at all?

Materialy speaking I have nothing to lose if this goes to a D. Emotionally though, this is very draining.

A lot of questiions here, I know. Thanks.

<small>[ January 18, 2003, 10:35 PM: Message edited by: Luki ]</small>

Luki-

What do you mean she has plan B'd you? Does she ignore your attempts at contact or did she say she wants NC?

I have read the posts that are in your sig line but don't know anything other than that. I assume that her A is still going on and she is still in the fog. I don't think you can do much of a plan A if she wants NC, it will only drain your love bank by her repeatedly ignoring you.

I would suggest you wait until the next MC session and see what happens than, maybe an answer will be more clear then. Until that time I would lay low.

Good Luck!
STTSI

Luki,

In FogLand ... you are her source of pain (out from guilt) and OM is ther source of happiness .... therefore you should be zaped out from this atmosphere. You know where this is leading to ... WS is dead set to make R work with OM. IMVHO, you have to lay low ... don't even breath but pray w/ fasting that OM will LB'ed. Put your plan B letter away ... I would give her plan A letter instead and write also that she will have her "space" of NC. In this case you have a chance to show you are still believe in and let her do the NC upon you.

It would be plan B by default anyway.

-rh-

Luki,
I agree with redhat, my situation is alot like yours and I wrote a mixture of plan A/B letter that I was comfortable with. He has only had contact once with me and that was after X-MAS and he was looking quite poorly as he looked around our home and saw all the decorations and also how good I looked as he could not help but notice the complete change in me, it was really a blessing that he left as the emotional toll of his withdraw from the reltionship then adding an A just sucked the life right outta me... But I am healing and working from my end of thing on me and we will see what happens. I do not think MOW has left her H for WS, but that is also something I don't know for sure.

I feel for you Luki, it is a tough situation all the way around for any of us trying to rebuild and better our relationships.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I would give her plan A letter instead and write also that she will have her "space" of NC. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This sounds like a good idea. Got any link to some samples??

Luki,

WAT has one that I use ... I will look into mine and posted here ... Basically plan A is a plan B letter minus no contact ....

-rh-

RH,

Any luck with that sample letter. I appreciate you trying to find that for me. Thanks.

***UPDATE***

WW emailed me this morning and wanted to know when I was going to pick up a package that was delivered to the house. I have not responded. I don't think I will until tommorrow. Another package is due to arrive today so I am sure that will prompt her to email again; we will see.

I will try to remain aloof(sp?) to see if that puts her off balance a little. To tell you the truth, although I miss her dearly, it is nice to be out of the line of fire, I am content to continue this despite the double edged sword(not being around her/not getting attacked).

Well, scratch that last plan. WW just called and asked if I got the email. So, we worked out a plan to get the packages. Yes, I am stil locked out. No, I will not see her.

Yes, I am still pissed off at the situation. That phone call roused the "taker" so to speak. So this is a little vent. I know she is looking for me to pop off so she can say "see, I am making the right decision." That, or she wants to push me to file. To that I say, "NO WAY IN H*** AM I GOING TO DO THAT!!!!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

This is going to be her D, not mine.

She was pretty short with me; not a lot of syllables on her part. I told her thanks in a nice tone of voice and let her go. Since she has contacted me I will follow up with a very short email w/ some reverse babble and then go into silent mode again, even if she replies.

Luki-

Good for you! Keep the LB's to a minimum and then go silent and see what happens. That way you don't get hurt as much.

STTSI

Luke,

Here is sample plan A letter from the master WAT.

-rh-

Heard today that OMs 'rents divorce was due to, guess what, An A!!!! His mom ran off with an OM. I guess they have little to do with her any more. WTF!!! What a complete and utter failure of a person.

Luki- and this is who she wants to be with???

Isn't the fog wonderful? Keep your head up and stay strong!

STTSI

Thanks for finding that link RH. I think I am going to lay ultra low till the next session. I will then contemplate the letter. I think it would be a LB right now. Hope all is well w/ you.

I am still trying to figure out how OM can do this knowing that his mom ran out on him w/ an OM. It boggles the mind.

-Luki

sounds like a plan. get yourself mentally prepared for the MC session... sometimes the fog does wonderful (not) things.

A Plan A letter can't hurt. I'm flattered that redhat thinks mine was good, but keep in mind that I'm now divorced! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> BTW, before I sent it I changed it to incorporate some responses in that same post.

Keep your chin up and vent here, not there.

WAT

Well, you know what they say Luki, you marry your mother/father....It was most definitely true in my case.

MTD

**UPDATE, or lack thereof**

6 days of 100% NC w/ WW is wearing on me. I felt better when were in conflict. Withdrawl sucks for sure. I will stay the course till the next session then press ahead.

I am keeping myself busy at work and I am doing the moonlighting thing.

The clock is ticking now. She has no more excuses, nothing she can blame me for. I have a feeling that the next 6-10 weeks are going to be the most crucial. I am also feeling the familiar pattern setting in where the BS is contemplating giving up, but I won't. If we are following the typical pattern she may come around within this time period. That is my goal for her. I know I can't make her do it, but it helps to visualize it as a goal.

I am still reading Private Lies by Pittman. He really hits the nail on the head when he talks about "accidental infidelity". I would label my WWs first A of that type. What a great book.

OK, I'm seriously rambling so I will stop here. Thanks for reading.

Luki-
It's good to hear from you even if it just rambling!

After you get done with this heavy, philosophical book, read a fun one, ok? Just for you? Take a break from "Why is she doing this?"

Your MC is next week? Do you go together or meet her there?
DB

Hey DB,

The next MC session is next week on the 28th. We always meet there. That is going to be awkward if NC continues. But the sesson will be interesting.

I think I will send her a nice card this week.

-Luki

Does your counselor give you "homework"? I've heard others speak of their sessions with SH and they talk about homework. Just wondering what that might involve.

Do you have specific areas to discuss?
DB