The night b4 he moved out he bid on Army stuff on Ebay. Now he won, like 200 worth of stuff. I told him i dont have the $$ and neither does he. He asked the OW and she said no, she has bought them groceries (he is living w/her) and doesnt think she should help.

Now this is devious, but i miss my H, how can i capitalize on this..the she wont help him thing?

<small>[ January 27, 2003, 10:20 AM: Message edited by: kuljey ]</small>

Devious or not...I wouldn't pay for it! If he can get it from OW...more power to him! He bid on it, he got it...he should have figured a way to pay for it before bidding. jmho

i mean what can i tell him to realize the ow is not as good as she seems. she is not willig to help him.

what can i say?

First don't buy the stuff for him. Ask him why don't you ask the OW? Ask why the OW feels she shouldn't have to pay for this stuff? Ask why does she feel this way? And just elaborate on the answers, if there are any! Most likely he will flounder around with little talk. Just say, I am financially unable to buy things right now for myself. To buy unnecessary things like that is way out of my reach. I would help if I could, but sorry honey, I cannot help.

kuljey, let him simmer in his own stew!
You don't bid on Ebay if you can't pay!
Shows just how irresponsible he is! When OW sees how he just wants to use her,she'll kick him out.
The best thing you can do is let her get a taste of this selfish man.
She'll get tired of supporting his butt. Because most OW want someone who's spending on them. LOL
You don't have to do anything, Kuljey. He's going to hang himself over time. And I'd say very short time!
Relax, and let it run the course. He'll be back soon.
Because he'll get kicked out!
LouLou

Kuljey..

Are you reading up....are you spending some time here focusing and reading about plan a

This relationship sounds so very very rocky on soooo many levels...and good news is that high high percentage of affairs die their own death even with the bs doing nothing....

And already when things should be peachy and lovey ...

she's threatening him not to mess up...go ahead OW...that's a really attractive quality...threatening...lovely...

and didn't I read that he is calling a lot?? be upbeat when he calls...no relationship talk...just convey caring and concern..without begging pleading and argueing...leave all negative interactions for the other women and you be as calm as you can....

He's asking her for money...that should go over like a lead balloon...fog-city

lots of bumps and warning flags going on...
So you gather your wits...gather your ability to get calm...and be kind to him...
Tell him things like he looks tired...and you're worried about how he is...and then drop it and change the subject...

Ask him when would be a good time to visit the children...see if he would like to eat dinner with them this week...they miss him...

If you have read up on plan a and have questions ask away....ask for specifics....so people can help you feel in control of you...he will do what he does...you need to focus and care for you...

lots of people have stood where you are...it hurts like hel-l move through that pain as much as you can and make a plan in your head, set goals that set you in motion....

tell him something cute the kids did that day...tell him about a neighbor or friend you encountered...remind him without confronting him about the life you and he have....

be strong....ARK

What should you say? Very little to nothing! Let him "see" this woman as she is as a real person with opinions of her own and wants/needs that are not all about meeting his.

While I happen to agree with her in this instance...I wouldn't give him the money either. But since they're in that period where they expect everything to go on as it did while in an affair and all which that fantasy world involved...now they are learning the cold hard facts which reality will be teaching them.

Trash has to be taken out, toilets have to be cleaned, one can spend money and not take into consideration rather the other is interested in spending....it's going to be a hard lesson...one he needs to learn sooner rather then later.

BUT...he's going to hold resentment towards her if she doesn't bail him out, or if she does...she's going to hold resentment towards him for having to bail him out. Either way, works for you.

So just sit back and enjoy the show! jmho