this is the recomendation from Pepper:
"Honey" is well qualified to help you on this one. She was the queen of making ill-advised phone calls because she was feeling insecure ... and, Honey is so much stronger now. Maybe you could start a new thread to Honey, and she can talk you down from this ridiculous habit of falling >smack< on your face and committing a phone LB every time you become anxious. Honey really has made huge progress in this particular matter."

my story right now. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> i want to call WH and every time there is lots o' LB'ing goin on. and i really really want to talk to him. he calls me alot, today for the first time i was like, is there anything else. he said, you dont feel like talking...i was like, what do we have to talk about.... he sounded angry after. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

anyway...i really want to call and call him!
help!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

bumping lookin for "honey"

today for the first time i was like, is there anything else. he said, you dont feel like talking...i was like, what do we have to talk about.... he sounded angry after.
anyway...i really want to call and call him!
help!
You didn't have anything to talk about and now you want to call him.

What do you want to call him for? What do you want to talk about?

i want to just hear his voice... dont know what the heck is in my brain!!! it takes soooo much to NOT call him. tryin to make him miss me, i guess...

I DONT KNOW. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I hope Honey comes along today to see this...

My opinion of why you feel the need to call him .... when you have nothing to say.

YOU are looking for your lost identity. Without your H confirming who you are .... you don't have a *self*. You have been used to someone else defining who you are. This is called "borrowed functioning". It's something most of us have done one time or another, but, we must grow out of borrowed functioning eventually, if we ever expect to find our true happiness. You only find true happiness once you KNOW who YOU are independent of what others think.

It's a habit you must break, otherwise, even if your H returned to you and totally gave up the OW .... you'd still be unhappy, insecure, and tend to implant yourself to your H's soul like a parasite clinging to your own life.

Harsh, but, oh so true.

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ March 06, 2003, 10:22 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Yvonne,

Do you want to make him miss you? The way to do that is to NOT call him. Do you want to annoy him and push him away? The way to do that is to keep calling him. Just hold yourself back, you can do it!

Calling him all the time will not give him time to miss you. Wait for him to call. It will probably be only a day at most. Then when he asks why you didn't call him, just say, "I had a few things to do."

Then he'll ask what and be vague. "I had a few errands I needed to get finished" and such.

No, you're not hinting at seeing someone else. Sort of if he wants to know what your doing all the time, he can be in your life..

If you feel the need to call him, do something instead of stewing about it. Do some crafts, go for a jog, walk the dog, ride a bike, go volunteer somewhere.

Part of all this stuff is learning that you don't NEED to be with someone, you WANT to be with someone. Right now, you are very, very needy and you cannot even see yourself without him.

But at this time, you really don't even have a choice, do you?

No. So start to learn to do things and enjoy them on your own. Yes, it is difficult but it is something you NEED to do.

BUMP UP

Honey???? Help please! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

called him. he was mean to me. i couldnt last not talking to him. he doesnt even want to be "friends".

called him. he was mean to me.
and?

called him and he was a jerk to me. kinda covered it on the other post.

he doesnt even want to be friends.

I meant, "so what?"

He gets mad, you cry and get upset. Is it fun? Is it accomplishing anything for you OR him?

for him. he gets to be the mean/strong one. dumping his family/home for his penis/whore.

KUL

Listen ... I feel like avoiding .... you ..... and I'm not even the target of your words! Imagine how hard it would be for your H to return to the person you are right now. He'd have to be a man who likes confrontational hysterical women to rejoice in your company at the moment. (men in general avoid this)

settle down .... you are spinning yourself out of control and making yourself a basket case.

You are sinking, and throwing away all the flotation devices you are offered here on MB. Do you WANT to sink??????? You are one frustrated, hurting lady who is pushing help away with both hands!!!!

Are you on anti-depressnts?

Pep

<small>[ March 07, 2003, 11:04 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

By the way .... I am getting the strong feeling YOU have anger issues that go way back.

What's your feeling on this?

Pep

Kuljey - You really shouldn't call him - take it from me - though I am divorced now recently - I still want to call him - I still want to hear his voice - I still want to smack his head around and realize the error of his ways - But I will tell you I am much better off not putting myself through that - I mean really you said he gets to be the mean strong person - and what happens to you - you get more hysterical and more in a bad way - I tend to refer to those episodes as meltdowns... And like I said I still have them - only I can tell you they are fewer and far between - but the one thing you have to realize is that you cannot control him - you can't make him do something just because you want him to - I know it is very hard but for your well being - you need to back away - only control what you can control and believe me - I know you don't but you will become stronger and you will feel better - I know the pain doesn't go away but you will not be as emotional... Good Luck - Stay Strong... You can do it.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />