first off thanks for calling-you sound good!

here's what happened-we talked and he finally started to admit the truth. that is what i was looking for. do i know if it is 100%? no, but i wanted the act of fessing up. he needs to learn to be truthfull. he has lied about things-nothing major-our whole relationship. he is a conflict avoider. his lies have hurt me and his family. for nothing. its stupid!

anyway he did talk to me and admit to a few things. it was a good talk. but he still needs to counsel with steve. he has dropped the ball on that one again. (no big surprise here!) however he is going way out of his way to meet my needs and folow the advice steve has given him so far. so im being a little patient here for now to see if he is letting this all become second nature for him before he moves up to the next step. he is doing a great job at what he is trying to do so far. so i am gonna hang for awhile to watch and see.

i havent given up on what i need-i am just seeing if his timetable is a little slower than mine.

i didnt want to explain this last night- husband was sitting with me when i was talking to you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

if you have any questions--fire away

ps-tell my little buddy HI!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Your H was sitting right there?!?!?! LOL!!! It was EARLY in the evening... the thought that he was actually there didn't even come to mind!!! (so I can't blame it on a "blonde moment" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ).

Is he REALLY going out of his way to meet your needs? I know he did an awesome job in the first few weeks (or was it just one week? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) after talking to Steve... but I thought things dwindled down significantly after that?

I am hearing so much strength in your tones and attitude in the last few months.... and as wonderful as that is, I'm concerned that you might be losing some serious love units for your H without acknowledging it much. Obviously, your private life is just that... private! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> So flame me if I'm wrong in my attitude that you're withdrawing from your H.

I told OS you said "Hi!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . He really liked talking to you on the phone... he's his mum's boy as far as chatting up a storm... that's for sure! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ("I'm fee yers old. When I'm four, I can go te shkewl" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ).

Karen

p.s. thanks for posting the update this morning... somehow, I was expecting to hear more details of what he was actually lying about... but that's none of my business anyways. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> With my own H being a pathological liar (again, that's MY unprofessional assessment), I can understand how so many seemingly "small" lies can amount to MAJOR problems.

ok--about the lies....

he was going out occasionally-4 times a year maybe-to the clubs with the guys from work. some lap dances. i thought it was just a regular bar after work for a drink after a tough time at work.

the other lies had to do with family stuff. his family is a bit difficult... so in order to avoid conflict he would tell them whatever was needed to pacify them and tell me something else. an example was our wedding. i wanted my son to walk me down the isle, then he was to leave during the reception. he was only 5 at the time and i didnt think it was fair to have anyone at the wedding watching him. they were there to enjoy themselves, and i figured i would be a bit busy to watch a 5 yr old.LOL

anyway his sister must have cornered husband and asked about her daughter and other niece about being in wedding. they were younger than my son and i had no plans on flower girls. he never mentioned this to me and told his sister yes. i all of a sudden found out i had flower girls! not even from him, so i was pissed at sister in law when i should have been pissed at him!

its all stupid things like that. i didnt push to much about it, after finding out i wasnt "crazy" after all these years i let it go.

now onto my needs. he did slack off on some things but picked up a few others. i think its a time management thing for him with the work hours. that is why i am not jumping all over it. he is still trying, i just think i was putting it all on my time instead of his. im gonna wait and see.

as far as harley counseling-i will not give up on that....just giving it some time.

im not detaching, just realizing i will survive. its a good feeling.

thanks