I've known all along that H wouldn't admit that he was the one who downloaded all that porn (including the child porn) and burned it all onto cd's. He's a conflict avoider to the core, and has been since I've known him (and probably has been his entire life). I've tried to prepare myself with this knowledge from the get-go.

However, in an email from my family lawyer this morning, she wrote:

"I have received (H)’s case conference materials. It is clear that he is blaming you for the production of the pornography, and that will be his defence in his criminal proceeding."

It ticks me off beyond reason, hearing it from my lawyer. It makes it all the more "official", you know? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

It bothers me so, that even now, my H is so deep in denial. He's lost his family, he's been in jail (so far, only for one night), he is facing up to 5 yrs imprisonment... and yet he is STILL blaming the mess on ME!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Anyone who knows me, and my story, knows damn well that I have done my best to repair my M. That it was never really my job to be fixing it... that it was all about H from the start. sigh!

And even now, I am continuing to be the better person, and doing whatever is best for the boys. I have, IMO, been bending over backwards to ensure their safety, and to work with the court system to aid in access and visitation between H and them.

And yet, whatever I do, it's still not good enough for H. He's still blaming me for it all. My gosh!!! He's blaming me in front of the SUPREME COURT OF CANADA!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> WTF is with him??? (rhetorical question... the answer is most easily dismissed as him being fubar'd, "fogged up beyond all recognition" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ).

I can go through all of the positives in this situation, and know that he's simply making an [censored] out of himself in front of, well, Canada!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Point blank... if the courts, the police, or the children's aid society had any doubts about this whatsoever, there is no way in he!! that I would have been awarded interim sole custody of the boys, nor would I have my laptop to post to all of you on (it would have been confiscated with the other evidence by the warrant), nor would my boys still be living with me.

But it still doesn't take away the hurt and frustration I feel by my H's wrongful accusation against me.

Gotta go and burn off some of this anger on my stationary bicycle.

Karen

Karen,

U have the right to be angry. His denial is taking him on a river ride that you don't want to be on.

No one else is buying his line so it is only his word against the world.

take care and don't ride too fast! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

Karen,

It is a bit cloudy in Redwood City, CA. I might need that spit fire to start my grill <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . He will be torn apart with that defense and make a fool of himself. He will be immortal years to come for his foolishness. Many students will be quizzed about his case <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> . Aren't you glad you are away from him ?, count your blessing.

-rh-

I'll admit that thread topic caught my attention <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . I have read your posts time to time but don't know the whole picture, so I'll chime in on just this little bit.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> "I have received (H)’s case conference materials. It is clear that he is blaming you for the production of the pornography, and that will be his defence in his criminal proceeding."
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Try not to let things like that get to you it's not worth your time or energy. Go have a good workout. I absolutely pummeled myself on the bike yesterday in sunny MN( no fire breathing needed here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . Excercise is good for the soul more than the body I think. I hope this day goes better for you. Take care.

-Luki

<small>[ February 05, 2005, 05:25 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

Orchid: Thank you for your reply... and so fast too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> You are so right that I don't want to be on this ride. I've honestly had enough... a long time ago! I sure hope you're right, that others aren't buying into his guise. He's SO GOOD AT LYING though... and I still worry that he'll convince someone who matters. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Redhat: Yes I am VERY glad I am away from him. But as I said to a phone counsellor this morning, even though I've left him, he's not out of my life. Ok, I wouldn't expect him to be, b/c of the boys... but this is truly ridiculous! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> His abusing me still hasn't ended!

Luki: I'm not understanding your tone with "the stupidest thing you've ever heard". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> That quote was actually made by my family lawyer, and I can't help but to worry about it, b/c his defense to the supreme court is that "I" framed him! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> And it did feel good to work out some of my anxiety on the bike. That's exactly why I bought it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

And thank you to everyone who is reading this thread. It makes me feel so cared about when so many are reading... even if it's only out of mere curiosity. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Karen

hanora:

We were obviously posting at the same time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I do not know when the final trial will be, but I do know it will be held at the London Courthouse (80 Dundas St). Heck... I'll post it here, when I find out, so that if anyone wants to attend, they could. That is, assuming it will be open to the public, as most trials are.

The next time you will be in the area, let me know, and maybe we could meet for coffee! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> You can email me at topie25@hotmail.com.

Thankfully, I will have ample opportunity to practice what I will be saying to the judge and/or jury at that time. With help from the appropriate resources, I'll be able to word things in such a way that they will have the best impact and effect on the judge/jury. I will have to talk about my experience in finding the info and turning it in. I will also have to inform the court about how this situation has directly affected me and the boys. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> It's really sad and scary actually. I started on my list yesterday.

Karen

Sorry for the misunderstanding. Let me re-phrase.

Your H's attempt to "frame" you is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of. Sorry, I didn't mean for my last post to be misunderstood. I'm sure that "defense" will crumble. Hang in there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

-Luki ( a little embarassed here )

<small>[ March 24, 2003, 12:35 PM: Message edited by: Luki ]</small>

Thanks for clearing that up Luki! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> (that's the trouble with posting like this; it can sometimes be difficult to understand the tones in the messages). And please don't be embarrassed. We've ALL been questioned about our messages at some point or another. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Karen

((((((((((((Lady Karen))))))))))))))

You should spit some of that fire over here in Colorado!! It's snowing again.

Sorry to hear of this complete stupidity on your STBXH's part. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I'll email you tonight.

Love ya!
Lady K

Dear Karen

As ever, you are so strong and brave during this difficult time.

As for your H, huuum, well, not sure what words describe his latest little game. I guess, sadly, sometimes when faced with the truth, people fight with any means they have, however ridiculous they may be - and your H's claim is of course ridiculous.

Hang in there and wishing you well from the other London

Lisa

Oh Topie, don't you just wish that sometimes they could stand outside of themselves and hear just how rediculous they sound???

It's rediculous, that defense is meant soley to create just the tiniest bit of doubt in the jurors' minds so that they would not convict them. Insane ~ inane, really. Remember, that noone (husband included) sees it as a reflection on you ~ just a testimony to how pathetically low he has dropped and how desperate he has become. I literally had to laugh at how little he thinks of everyone else's intelligence! Like you would "manufacture" something so heinous that would have the possible ramifications of losing your children! HA! I think not!

Anyway, warm fuzzy thoughts and lots of prayers coming from Texas to you today. Talk to you later~
Calypso

Knewjie: Thanks lady! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I got your email, and I'll probably wait a few days before writing back. It'll be busy around here with court and counselling. Sorry to hear about the snow. YUCK! This winter was far too long!

Lisa in London: Thanks for replying. Yes, it is amazing at how low he is grasping. When I talked to the phone counsellor this morning, she suggested that he's grasping at straws here (very typical for an abuser), and this is the last one he's got to cling to.

TheCalypso: Thanks to you too. It's true... why the he!! would I risk losing my kids, just to get at H? That IS insane! I still do fear that he'll be able to convince someone who matters in this situation. He really is a fantastic liar. Shoot! I believed him for years too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> In my case, it took 7 yrs before I could REALLY see him for who he truly is... a coward. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Karen

HUGS Hon,

and LOTS of prayer.

Cali

Hi Topie25,

Sorry you will have to go to trial as a witness and sorry your STBX is trying to blame you. That might be the only defense his lawyer could come up with.

Try and not to worry. The police are for the most part sceptics and look at every posability. If they thought for a second that you did it they would have taken your computer as well. With computer ferensics there are ways of finding out what has been downloaded even after being deleated.

When you go to court just keep your answers brief and to the point. Maybe write out for yourself the timeline of events and how you discovered the stuff and what you proceeded to do. Then when you are nervous in court you will have had practice by writting out the time line and series of events. Plus try and think of all the questions his lawyer will ask you. Remember they are using you as a means to get him off. You will need to remain calm, answer the questions, and know you did nothing wrong. My ex's lawyer tried to use me as my ex's scapegoat. It hurts but I just remained calm and tried my best.

I am so sorry you and your children are having to go through this. All the best.

Cali: Thanks for the hugs. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

MoiNouvelle: Thanks for the pointers. I have become involved in a group at the courthouse called the "Victim Witness Assistance Program". They will help coach me for trial (as well as keep me informed of each upcoming court date, and whether or not any applications were made, or of any changes to his recognizance). The trial won't be for a while yet, as the police have a LOT of evidence to go through. Yes, I do know about the retrieving of old info from hard drives (the investigating detective told me a bit about it back in January). H had about 10 of them lying around, and the police took them with their warrant. Plus the new pc, and laptops, and 100's of discs and cds. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I feel bad, b/c they have SO MUCH work cut out for them. That will also mean that the case will continue to be held off until they're ready. Between my counselling (both IC and court help), and my moving on with my life in a positive way, I'm sure I'll be just fine come court time. But since I'm not "there" now, I'm feeling insecure, worried, and extremely anxious.

Karen

Topie, just want you to know...I am so proud of you.

You are doing great.

Hugs Topie! I just got back from vacation and was skimming through the posts and saw yours. I just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers. It amazes and saddens me how unbelievably selfish people can be. BTW...I love the the acronym you used "fubar'd"! that is great! Says it all in a nutshell!! You are right, he is going to make an [censored] out of himself and you will be the shining star. Hang in there Karen.

BH

F.U.B.A.R.

F'd up beyond all recognition ("fogged" works best for MB purposes <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

Actually, I got it from the movie "Tango and Cash", I believe it was. Good movie.... even though it's an "action" flick with Sly Stallone and Kurt Russell. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> (I still like my "chick flicks" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ).

Karen