wh was leaving his check direct deposited in our acct and he took out what he needed and the rest i used to pay the house, water, elec, food, phone, etc. He stopped that direct deposit! When he started it he told me it taked 2 paychecks for these kinds of things to take effect. So he has known!!!!!

He is at army reserves all weekend and i called and called him to ask what the heck. no call back from his cell. finally i called his army and told them whats up and said i need to talk to him desperately and why. he never called. so i called again and the person said he would talk to his sgt. so far no call from anyone.

i dont know what to do. i dont want us to be homeless.

first calm down
The military is not going to let him desert his family.
call the nearest post and speak with a chaplin, tell him what is going on and you need money and let them help you.

he is not active duty. he is reserves. GOD HOW CAN HE LEAVE THE KIDS HIGH AND DRY.

When he started it he told me it taked 2 paychecks for these kinds of things to take effect.
Depends on when he applied for it to stop, Usually it takes around 2 weeks to get it done. If he applied on the 7th, then it won’t take affect until the end of the month paycheck. If he applies on the 1st, it should be done by the 15th.

The military requires he is support you as long as you are married. He is getting paid based on the number of dependents he has. If he is NOT supporting you, contact his unit commander AND the base legal office/judge advocate. A chaplain is a good idea also. HE can point you to any supporting agencies you may need to talk to.

he is not active duty.
It doesn’t matter.

<small>[ April 04, 2003, 04:21 PM: Message edited by: Chris (CA123) ]</small>

i am talking about his regular work pay. i cannot make it on just my check.

1st he has an affair while i am recovering from surgery last year. then he breaks it off when i find out. then we have that false recovery--flowers, cards..etc. then he moves in with her in january. then he turns into major ******* in february or so. then he pushes for divorce. and now he stops the money flow. where is it going to end. i am in the pit of hell. i am scared, feel alone, afraid to be homeless.

GOD I NEED YOU GUYS!!! help.

It doesn’t matter.

The military requires he is support you as long as you are married (& he is on the military.) His reserve pay is based on the number of dependents he has. If he is NOT supporting you, contact his unit commander AND the base legal office/judge advocate. A chaplain is a good idea also. HE can point you to any supporting agencies you may need to talk to.

Get a lawyer. Time to stand up for yourself legally.

WH finally called me again. he yelled at me that until i sign these uncontested divorce papers he will not give us any money.

i dont have the funds for a lawyer.

he told me until i sign he will not give money at all! he told me his army didnt do a thing to him. he said that he wants to be with the woman he loves. he said he is going to get me in trouble with work--i traveled while on sick benefits and wasnt supposed to. he wanted to talk to the kids. the youngest was asleep and the oldest told him no. so he said if she doesnt talk to him or spend time w/him he will send her back to kentucky to be w/her mom. her mom hasnt contacted her in over one year. and the 11 yr old said she wants to be with me and her sister.

he actually said he will not give us a dime until i comply with him. it was UGLY. he yelled at me, trying to be all forceful. so i yelled back.

he said he will never reconcile with me, he wants to be away from me forever. he was very hurtful. i didnt cry. i was just mean back.

so he left me for his lover, moved in with her, not is leaving us high and dry. his children!!! God it keeps shocking me. was physically ill all weekend.

Kuljey,
I'm so sorry that this happened. When I read that he stopped the direct deposit I had a feeling he was going go use it over you to get you to sign. What an [censored]!!

Can you get money from family to see a lawyer? If so please do. I know you don't want a divorce but can you apply for separation and request he pay maintance and child support. This way your not divorced but you still are legally protected.At this point I'd be tempted to file a alienation of affection lawsuit against the ow to hold over him-tell him you'd drop it if he signs documents that you want. Do you have a 401k that you can take money out in case of emergency?As for the army reserves I would try to go to the top with the adultery info.As for getting you in trouble at work can't he be in trouble for spending work time calliing, seeing emailing the ow ect.You might want to contact your pastor about the situation because many churches can help you with finding food and funds until this is straightened out. Do you think his father can help you as he is a religious man.

As for your stepdaughter, if it comes down to it you may be able to ask for custody-please ask a lawyer. This man is so selfish--does not think about his kids at all. I'm starting to think you and they will be better off without him.

Stay strong!!

Kuljey,
He says the army didn't do anything to him...did you inform anyone of what he's doing, both living with the OW while married and now not supporting you?

Follow Chris's advice and go to the chaplain or make an appointment with the JAG (the military lawyers, I don't know what the acronym stands for) and find out for yourself.

Right now it appears pointless to expect him to tell you anything that helps you.

double post

<small>[ April 07, 2003, 10:33 AM: Message edited by: Lor (Lor) ]</small>

i went to jag. they cannot do a thing for me!!!

Kuljey, i dont' know what state you are in, but in some you can go to Welfare or state assitance for child dependents. They will also provide you with legal aide based on your pay! When you apply, they also will go after him to garnish is wages at his regular work.
Number one, no paper you sign at this point will be valid as he is doing it under blackmail and duress. That could be null and void in an instance! It's called Undue Duress!
State agencies will help you since he is out of the house! Call, make an appt and go immediately.
They will go after him because they want him to pay rather than them!
As for his threatening your work, tell your employer what he is doing and how he's treating his family. That he is trying to force you to sign by blackmailing you about your job.
I have some sad news for your H. He is in deep doo doo!
Legal aide(Call County you're in)Listed in most phone books under County government agencies, they will help you! Because you cannot afford an atty and are abandoned! yes,he's in trouble for abandonment also!
Get calling and going. Do not waste time!
God bless, LouLou

P.S. Kuljey, at most county court houses, they have family aid/counseling centers you can speak with someone about the legal aspects! They also have forms cheap that you can file regarding support and other legal aspects. If you act as you own atty, it's Pro Per. But you need legal advice and legal aid is the place to start.
LouLou

heard from WH today to ask if i had done our taxes and no question about how are his children. i went and filed for food stamps and got them, child daycare help, got that too. then they asked me to fill out a paper on the absent spouse..their work info, address, ss #, etc... they go after that spouse for the payback to the state. boo hoo!

i am so angry. getting less sad, more angry. less tears, more rage. his freakin fog is so thick he doesnt care about his kids. i had a friend come last nite leave me some money to help and some groceries. my grandmother (the one who chewed him out) gave me money too. the kids are upset that we are going to have to get rid of the dogs and cable...hopefully the home phone wont be next.

i am NOT going to sign any papers. he can suffer for awhile.

today while at my counseling appt i asked when these two ppl who dont have a conscience will get theirs back. she said in Gods time. What do you all think of that?? i mean, i am really struggling here and they are just having the life of riley, single life, fun fun fun!!!

one thing i forgot. i notice that now anytime i talk to him it just turns into a fight. just being around him or talking to him is sooooo hard. i just want to tear him apart for being such a jerk to the kids now. and when he begins to be a jerk to me over the phone i lash out by calling his whore a whore. funny thing he never tells me to not call her that! just dont get this anger that i have when talk to him around him..any ideas on that?

<small>[ April 08, 2003, 09:25 PM: Message edited by: kuljey ]</small>

kuljey:

Um... Look. While he's crazy over her it does YOU no good to put her down. So stop it. Also stop arguing with him. If you can't keep your conversations "upbeat" when you do talk to him, then don't talk to him.

I know this is very hard. But believe me, it's the ONLY thing that's going to get you two starting down that road to recovery. This bashing and arguing will postpone that indefinitely.

-Qfwfq

i notice that now anytime i talk to him it just turns into a fight.
It’s only a fight because you fight back. Can’t have a fight with only one person yelling and arguing.

I am saying you need to NOT respond in an argumentative way.

Make sure you include his Reserve Pay, since Chris says he is being paid by the number of dependents, you should be entitled to a portion of it. Beside, it has been part of your income. Have his check garnished. Do not accept it any other way.

Did you check into legal aide? This is a must. I don't know if Chrysalis is local for my area or if it is national, try them for legal aide help, Catholic Charities, United Way, Womens Shelters might be able to direct you to a resource. I'm out of ideas.

Make sure you tell them that step daugheter wants to stay with you, she has not had contact with her mom. Some states will take into consideration that she is 11 and knows what she wants. How long has she been living with you, they may even consider that you have been a stable person in her life and do not want to disrupt that.

You might try applying for emergency temporary custody for her. This way, WH cannot send her back.

so when he starts to get ugly, or ask me for the blank divorce papers (signed) do i just hang up..

how do you control yourself from calling the ow a HO?! why does it do me no good to bash?