Steve Harley told me that every few days I should remind my wife that things between us aren't going to change unless we have a plan to do that. This is because she has been surprised that her feelings for me have not come back like she thought they would and she can't understand why. He told me not to just bring it up by itself but to try and include it in a conversation about us that we are already having.

Today my wife asked me to give her $55 dollars so she could buy a ticket to a convention that her school is going to attend. This convention is the first week in May. Well my wife asked me to give her another month to decide what she wanted to do with herself. I was thinking that her month would be up before this and do I want to give her money for something like this when she may not even be here? I thought I could take this opportunity to ask her about this and allow the discussion to lead to the topic that Steve wanted me to mention to her. Do you think this is a good idea as long as I'm respectful when I talk to her? I know I technically shouldn't bring up R talk in plan A, but if I don't it won't be brought up at all and I will not be able to remind her about us. I'm not sure if I should use this or maybe just ask her what she's been thinking over the last week. Any suggestions?

IMHO, if it won't break the bank... buy the ticket. She will know it when she goes to that function. The mind is a funny thing.

Her month will be up before then? Her feelings haven't come back? What is she doing towards that end? I mean even the A takes effort. So to sit back and expect it to just happen is a setup for failure with the option to say 'I tried' when she really didn't.

L.

Guess I am classified as everyone.

Buy the ticket. You don't have to talk about R or A. ACTIONS speak louder than words.

I echo what Orchid said. She will think about you when she is at that convention.

You love her? Buy the ticket. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Get her the ticket. It gives the insinuance that you believe she WILL in fact choose to stay. That alone plants a seed in her troubled mind. Trust me, don't even act as "if" she won't choose to stay. I know it's how your mind worries, but you're better off keeping a positive attitude.

ditto the ladies.

You are absolutely right to think of this. Where is the fairness?

But do you wanna be right or do you wanna be married?

That said, there will be a time and circumstance when she has to accept the consequences of her decisions. When that time comes, let it happen, but don't rub her nose in it.

WAT

It is better to give than to receive, and for a time you may have to continue to be the big giver to save your marriage. Is it worth it? I say yes.

Honey

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Steve Harley told me that every few days I should remind my wife that things between us aren't going to change unless we have a plan to do that. This is because she has been surprised that her feelings for me have not come back like she thought they would and she can't understand why. He told me not to just bring it up by itself but to try and include it in a conversation about us that we are already having. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hmmmm....very interesting. My H sounds a little like your W here. He is sort of surprised that his feelings have not come back for me in full force either. It's like he expects that to happen passively, without any active effort on his part. I think I may just have to use SH's words with my H (maybe even within my illustrious plan B letter that I keep sitting on), and point out to him that "things aren't going to change unless we have a plan to do that."

Oh, and pay the $55 for her. It's adding to her love bank I'm sure, all part of a good plan A.

thanks everyone. When my wife got home I asked her for the exact amount of the ticket so I could write a check for it. She said she decided that she was not up for going to it and cancelled her reservation at school. She was down again last night, said she got a little too cocky after the medication she was on started working.

Jen, I do think that was good advice from Steve. I know I forget sometimes that my wife is clueless about all this. Because I've been spending a lot of time here and have been putting the work in to make myself a better person I've gotten to the point that all this seems like no-brainer stuff to me. I have to remember that I was as big a mess as my wife just a few months ago.