tommorow it will be 12 weeks that my wh has been gone. yesterday it was 2 wks since he has seen his children. he only saw them because he briefly showed up at the ER. so that was not a technical visit by him.

he hasnt called in I dont know how long to ask about them.

this is so wierd... he is just a person who we knew and vanished. gone..kaput.

he has been offered a place to live, a place to have his kids spend the weekends...answer was no.

had a hard weekend, was very sad. thinking about the fact that they are havin fun, have no problems, no responsibility. since he has stopped his direct deposit i have now MORE worries. the child support game is hard to get started. but it is started.

**please dont blast me. this is going to be wierd-but i asked a person who reads tarot cards to tell me what is going on w/him. he felt that the OW is the boss in the house. that wh walks on eggshells w/her family. sometimes they are nice, sometimes they are not. he saw her either pregnant now, or going to be very soon. also sees that she could be cheating on wh now and this kid may be the other persons not wh. he said that the OW wears the pants in the house, and wh does alot of housework. **again please dont blast me

i am just trying to make sense of him, what they are doing. this weekend was hard. i have not called him, not asked him for help.

my 5 yr old is being very verbal about how she feels right now. says the ows name and says she took my daddy, i dont want to go to her house. she said to my friend who picked her up for me from daycare, cuz i got out of work to late and it would have been closed, that "mommie and daddy were married, and then i was in mommies tummy. now _____ (ows name---i call her whore) took my daddy away."

the 11 yr old (his daughter, my step) has expressed many times that she will run away if i force her to visit him.

money is a problem..that is a worry. he could take the 11 yr old away or as he says send her back to her mom instead of leaving her w/her sister and me. that is a worry for me. i get out of work sometime late and have a hell of a time finding someone to pick up the 5 yr old for me. the burdens feel like they are getting heavier, and are not easy to handle.

well, anyway. thanks for listening. and thanks for the responses.

bump for responses

Sorry that you are going through this. I did the tarot thing too. I had a friend who does it and i did it online. I don't put any stock in them. When you are desparate thats when these thing become appealing. My lovely wife even went to see a pschycic.

I too will be separated in less than a week. My daughter took it pretty bad at first but hasn't wanted to talk about it since.

My best advice, which I got from plent of others and never really took is to try and detatch yourself from what your husband does. His roller-coaster does not have to be your's. See a counselor, ask for a-d's if possible and seek out some friends or some kind of support group. The church would be an excellent place to start for that. If you smoke go to a smoking cessation class because most prescribe welbutrin to help you quit.

If you are a christian, get in your bible. God has promised to take care of us. Trusting is hard but worth it.

You cannot control what your husband does but you have all the control over what you do. Your kids need their mommy right now. Be stong for them.

God bless and good luck

Ditto. I keep reminding myself that the answer to my problems is not figuring out what H and OW are doing. That way lies madness.

Spoke with our MC yesterday. She commented on how much I had changed during the course of the sessions, how much I had turned around and learned to work with the situation in a positive way. H did not. Psychologically, he didn't move.

So who is the winner? Why do we see the "winner" as the one who is getting (we imagine) hot sex? Rationally, we know this is not true. If I've become a better person for all of this as H is spiralling into a strange situation (by all accounts) -- well, isn't THAT a gain?

Try to make some profit for yourself out of this mess. Seems hopeless, but you probably already are.