This is the letter I came up with asking my wife to leave the house. Steve Harley told me that I needed to be firm and let her know how her bad decisions were effecting her family. Also he said to stay away from ultimatums such as "if you do/don't do this, I will do this" kind of statements.

WW,
When I told you that you could have another month to figure things out it was with the understanding that you would talk with a counselor and read to find some information out so you could better make a decision on what you wanted to do. Since then you have made excuses for not talking with a counselor and have been here very little of the time. It's obvious that you are not going to try and work things out here at this point.

I have learned that any relationship you are in takes a lot of time and effort to make work over the long run. I have read about and talked with literally hundreds of couples, some with problems much worse than ours, who decided to make a real commitment to making their marriage a good one and succeeded to be happy beyond what they ever thought was possible. I know that we can do this with our relationship if you would make that commitment. Right now it is very hurtful and sad to watch you put that time and effort into your relationship with OM instead of here with me and your family. Your decision to continue your affair with OM is too emotionally draining for me and confusing for the kids. That's why I need you to leave the house completely and not contact me until you are willing to end your affair with OM for good and follow a plan with me to get our relationship back on track. This is not an ultimatum. I can't force you to do anything you don't want to do and I know that. This is the only way that I can protect myself and the kids from being hurt by the bad decisions you continue to make. Do you remember how you felt when OM had his ex-girlfriend come back to his house when he got upset with you? Those are the same kinds of feelings I go through everyday and I won't do it anymore.

I will have the separation papers filed within the next few days and will get you a copy of them by the end of next week. You can look them over and then we'll get together to talk over anything you might want to change. Also we have a lot to tell the kids so think about what you want to say when you get a chance and we can figure that out too.

I want you to know that I want to work this out with you and keep our family together more than anything. I am continuing to learn and work on myself so I can be the kind of partner you want and deserve. It will be vey hard not to see or talk with you anymore but the alternative right now is even harder.I can't keep watching you leave the house knowing where you are going and watch the kids get more confused about our situation.

You have said to me several times that you wish this wouldn't have happened. I feel the same way. That's why I have set out to find out why we got into this situation and to do as much as I could to make sure it doesn't happen again. You can make the same decision. You have the ability to stop the breaking up of our family right now if you want to. I know it's not easy but I know in the long run it will be worth it if we both commit to making each other happy. I will wait as long as I can for you, but I can't promise how long that will be. That isn't meant to be a threat, just an honest statement about how I feel. I love you very much and pray for the day that you decide to come back to a new and fulfilling relationship with me.

Sounds good, starman. Sorry you're in this position.

-Qfwfq

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is the only way that I can protect myself and the kids from being hurt by the bad decisions you continue to make.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would eliminate that part as it smacks of disrespectful judgement on your part (although you are right on the money), and would add 'by the present situation'.