my husband (who filed for divorce) called me today to ask me if he could see the kids this weekend. i told him that friday nite and saturday are busy. he said sunday then. he said if i could meet him. i said why cant you come to my house. he i guess ok. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

then he called back in 5 minutes to tell me that his dad will pick them up at 9am on sunday. i told him that his daughter is spending the nite at a friends and wont be there at 9. he said that it will just be the little one. i said why cant you get them. he said his car was having engine problems and doesnt want to drive up here. i said what is the real reason. he said again, my car may have engine problems and i dont want to go to "the house." so i said is the reason becuz you dont want to see me? he said, my dad said since my car needs "work" (mystery work) he would get them and no i dont want to see you. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

OH MY-----HOLY HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!! what the "f" did i do! he doesnt want to see me! ME!!! MEEEEE!! He left me for the whore, he filed for divorce, but yet again, its me! So, needless to say, i am very sad, crying, and just not dealing well with the, i dont want to see you thing.
<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> O M G!! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

What did you find out about the service of papers? Was a legal service or not?

You didn’t sign anything or have the papers handed to YOU for the court to verify you even received the papers.

Also, I would NOT let him take the kids anywhere.

If he wants to visit them, let him do it with you present. In your house, you can be in the other room, or at the park and you can sit in the car/walk around.

In your other post you put, “lor cant work on things if wh doesnt want to.
Why can’t you work on things?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123:
<strong>What did you find out about the service of papers? Was a legal service or not?

You didn’t sign anything or have the papers handed to YOU for the court to verify you even received the papers.

Also, I would NOT let him take the kids anywhere.

If he wants to visit them, let him do it with you present. In your house, you can be in the other room, or at the park and you can sit in the car/walk around.

In your other post you put, “lor cant work on things if wh doesnt want to.
Why can’t you work on things?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Chris: the service was proper. I have a lawyer now. He comes very well recommended.

What do i work on? I personally am workin on me, but i am just DAMN SAD that he cant "see" me. I dont want to wrangle him down, tie him up and keep him here against his will. What did i do, why wont he see me too!? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Guilt.

You know when your late for work and you walk in to your job and your boss is in the reception area? You know that feeling of hiding, avoidance and standing off confrontation or an a$$ chewing? THAT is what he is avoiding. He isn't avoiding you, he's avoiding the truth, because he know's that the truth is, is that he is doing wrong by you.

As Chris said, if you were served papers, and a divorce is in the process, follow the orders on the papers exactly as the judge says. If the orders call for visitation, but don't say where, you the custodial, have that choice.. I think <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Check with your attorney.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by kuljey:

What do i work on? I personally am workin on me, but i am just DAMN SAD that he cant "see" me. I dont want to wrangle him down, tie him up and keep him here against his will. What did i do, why wont he see me too!? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> [/QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">kuljey, what kinds of things have you done to make him WANT to see you? Have you discontinued all lovebusters when you do talk to him? Trying to make someone feel guilty is a HUGE love buster that will push them away. I know you had a love busting altercation with him at the hospital, have you seen him since?

My advice would be to stop all lovebusters when he calls. Don't push, whine or nag. Don't try to make him feel guilty. Just be as pleasant as possible when he calls.

havent talked to him, so no time or chance to love bust.

my 5 yr old, dont know if i posted this earlier on this post, said she doesnt want to go w/her dad, she called him by name. the 11 yr old said to not force her please. if i say any of this to him i will be the **tch. i am in a turmoil about it.

my lawyer is out of town till next week.......left a msg w/his assistant. dont know if i will get a response since i think she is just administrative.

kuljey, didn't you talk to him when he called and when he came to the hospital?

kuljey, didn't you talk to him when he called and when he came to the hospital?

yes i did. the hospital--bad. that night on phone--bad!

no other contact.

no other calls except for a 10 second call 4-15-03 to make sure i filed the taxes. other than that my WH has been LONG LONG GONE w/her!!!

guess they must be sooooo soo happy!!!!!! arrrr.

kuljey, my point is that when you do talk to him, its important to NOT love bust him. You have very few opportunities to talk to him at all so don't waste it by love busting him. Instead, be nice and civil and act in a way that will attract him, not repel him.

Mel--thanks, i understand that. i have not called him at all, even when i NEED him!!!

this is just so hard---he left me---he wanted/wants OW---my heart hurts today.

my little one told me this AM that she hates jon--her dads first name. so confusing! do i make her go..she is 5! and the 11 yr old refuses.

i wished my attorney was in town! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Mine didnt want to come to the house either. It was more he felt uncomfortable there and the guilt of facing me there, where he was once allowed t walk in and now was forced to knock. My youngest child called him daily asking to see him, the oldest was so ticked seh avoided him like the plague. Now that he is back home she is still giving him hell. Its got to be hard to look someone in the face who you have done nothing but lie,hurt and cheat..I beleive its called a conscience. Plus I bet the OW isnt real comfy with him being alone anywhere with you.

There comes a time after the me,me,me, I want Iwant I want, that people generally wonder what the heck they are doing and Pride holds them from actually fixing. So they avoid, kinda like outta sight outta mind.

in my case I sat back did what I could when I could. Was sweet, didnt say much and encouraged kids to see him. That was hard because I wanted to hit him where it hurt, its only natral to want revenge but I didnt. Started working on me. When that happened he was around alot more. One day I am going to bebrave enough to post my story rather than put tidbits in here, but right now its so raw and I dont want anyone I know to read and stir mess up. That happens all the time on its own. Good luck. Be strong. Its not you its his problem.

i still dont know what to do! on one hand there is no court order and he could steal them. but then i am the *itch who wouldnt let poor WH see them. arrrrrrr.

kuljey,
If you 2 are still legally married you BOTH are equally entitled to the kids. And, you are right. If you refuse the visit and he decides to whisk them away w/ or w/out your permission - there would be nothing you could do until paperwork is filed.

It seems you would like to reconcile w/ H and restore M. I also know he has said some very hurtful things lately. I really think not having the children ready when grandfather comes will be perceived as a huge LB by H and also will set the stage for all future dealings.

H also may send dad so he can have a potential witness in Court that you refused him access to his kids. The kids are angry. I am not sure why the 5-year-old is calling her daddy by his first name. Do you correct her on this? By stating something like "I know you are angry w/ daddy, but he is still your daddy and it is inproper for you to call him Jon".

Have you adopted the 11-year-old SD?

kul,
I know it is hard to set aside our anger. However, kids NEED their father. Yes, he may be a lousy H at the moment, but let him at least be a dad. He has extended the olive branch. Please take it. Perhaps the 2 kids are picking up on your emotion and stating they don't want to see daddy in a misguided effort to please you. I am not saying you would have encouraged this, but kids do come up w/ some strange interpretations of things.

Yes, send the kids - BOTH of them. Take the time to pamper yourself that day. Be pleasant.

Maybe he wants you to refuse. Thus you could be playing right into his hands. What if he has been wanting to file for D, but hasn't because of the guilt factor. Your not having and encourageing BOTH kids to go could be justification in his mind that is ok to file as you won't even let him see his own kids.

Once a visitation agreement is in place, the kids will have to go - even if they do not want to. Judges tend to see kids' lack of desire to spend time w/ a NCP as the result of PAS on behalf of CP.

Good luck to you - whatever you decide. tew

kuljey,
I just read your thread on D/D. If there is a hx of DV against the kids - I wouldn't send them for ANY visitations unless they are court-ordered and supervised.

Have you told this to your atty? As far as H filing first, that really is not a big deal.

I know you love your H, but why would you want to remain w/ a man that has not only abused you, but your child as well?

What state are you in? Usually for 2 kids you will get approx 20 - 28% of his gross earnings. Did you adopt the SD? Be careful w/ what you allow your atty to agree to in a temp order as temp orders often are made long term orders of the Court. DO NOT agree to anything you are not entirely comfortable with. tew