well i called and left a msg on his cell that was awesome. i said we need to discuss the arrangements-when, where, how long and make other arrangements as to who is pickin her up. i said that when he calls that i would like him to be alone so that we can discuss this w/o commentary from ow. so he called me while i was at work still, 3 times. the last msg was that he is HOME and ow (he said her name) is still at work and he is alone, that she is not home yet. so when i got home i called him back.

the conversation started good. he didnt know what was going on w/his dad. i told him. i said i agree 100% that the kids need to have a relationship w/him. i told him that i love my girls very much and they are my life. he was getting angry cuz i said my girls. he said his daughter is not mine. so we discussed that a bit. i told him that we really care about each other, my family cares about her, and she and i even had the "growin up/menstration" talk. he got a little angry and said that i am not her mom, that my family is not her family, and i told him she says i am and that they are...well to get on w/the story. i said that so much has changed w/all of us. that our little one wears glasses, has her first loose tooth, and that the oldest graduation to middle school was very nice and the little one wore a cap and gown at hers. he said that he didnt know about the glasses. i told him about me, my wt loss-105 lbs, and he finally got flustered and said that he doesnt want to hear about me, that he is happy i am movin on. there was sarcasm in his voice. he told me that he is tired of just lookin at a picture on his visor of his work van (which he is in only m-f) and apparently doesnt have pics at his home???

about the part where we discussed his dad picking up the little one, i told him that he has been rude to me and i will not stand for it anymore. that he was blaming me for everything and that i am not to only blame. i said i do not want him at my home. he said his car is in the shop and couldnt even get a loan for 200 from his bank cuz his credit is shot to hell (his words.) i said who is fixin the car, he said after thinking, a friend, its none of your business. Whatever...

we talked about the 150 he sent me--that arrived yesterday (i mean i opened it while we were talking), he said he would send more "if" he could. i said that i didnt appreciate them coming from her bank. he said no they werent from her bank. i said that they confirmed it via telephone that it was from 'her' bank account. that blew him away, he didnt say a word more!

there is more to the "discussion" parts but this gets interesting when i say that the little one is not wanting to go but that i would like him to talk to her to ask her to go w/him and maybe she would change her mind that i am not comfortable sending her somewhere at this point that she is not comfortable. so she got the phone and walked away, a TINY bit later she came back in my room where i was and on my end i heard i hate antoinette and i dont want to go! she said that and said i dont want to talk anymore, handed me the phone and RAN off. i said what did you say to her, he told me and i said well she looked upset. i said well that is how she feels and i have no idea how you are going to see your kids and have this relationship when they feel this way about her. i told him about her bad dreams, he asked who they are about, and i told him what she tells me.

he told me about being served. he said that because we CANT afford a lawyer we have to go thru the court system alone. he doesnt know i have one. he said he has a lawyer but is not willing to tell me the name. so i didnt get that one. so i asked so in court you will have a lawyer he said no...? i told him that i never got the papers..haha! (*remember they left them at the doorstep.) i said i was out and a sitter was there that nite. he said he would send me a copy. i said that i am ready for the divorce (didnt say a word about how i truly feel--which is i wished it wasnt happening) and that we have to work on being friends. he said HE CANNOT move on or be friends till we are divorced. i really dont get that one.

the conversation was not long long but we got alot in in the time. there was more, if i remember i will post. one thing that is hugely significant was he started to bawl hysterically. he said his daughter (meaning the little one--didnt mention that his oldest has refused to speak w/him since at least early march) hates him and he thinks he cannot fix it that he could have lost her. i said what is best for the children is my priority and will always be. i wil find them a good stepdad w/good qualities. his crying got worse and said i have to go, my head is not straight. i said NO Jon dont go...and kept talking, i said that i want to be friends, we have to get along. i then mentioned the fact that the dish network if fixin to get shut off and the kids watch it all the time (i hardly ever watch tv) and if could help. thru the tears he said when will it get shut off. we didnt get a chance to ever make those arrangements cuz he said i have to go, i am too sad. i said i want to help you jon, he said then meet me for a few hours on sunday so i could see my daughter. he said he would call back. i never heard from him. his dad called about 1 hour from this conversation w/my husband and lft a msg that he is getting elena at 9am sunday morning. i hope my husband calls because i will not call him and get chewed out!

what do u make of this conversation? crying? etc............. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

kulyey,
i wish i could give you some great words of advice, or say something to help you,i wish i had some magic words that would make everything right in the world. but of course i dont <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
i just know my h cries all the time too, but it hasnt changed his desicion to leave. i really wish i knew what he was thiking? i do know that as bad as i hurt, hes got to b hurting even more, because hes leaving his family, and me a woman who believed in him all his life,the one who stuck by him even now i refuse to give up on him!
i read when you got your d papers, and i just cried so hard for you and me and everyone elses pain. im not looking forward to the day i get mine, i just told myself they will come,ill b more suprised if they dont. im just not giving him any reason to d me, i dont do any lb im always posotive and happy, and i always look and smell great. i just pretend i dont have a care in the world. so when he does go through with it he will feel so much guilt!because he will know i dont deserve this! i dint do anything wrong! also i dont think i will ever go to plan b you know why? because i always want to b in the ow face! he said he always wanted to b best friends,and i always want her to know im never going away! if he ever wants me or needs me im going to b right here!she will never ever feel secure, because deep down she has to know he will always love me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Just curious what your lawyer has said about the oldest daughter.

Is it going to be possible for you to get custody? Is she going to go to her mother or what if he doesn't want custody?

well i am still sort of standing by him. i stood by him when no one else did...and he leaves me. he called again today to see about tommorow. i did not budge on his dad coming to my home. he was mad. anyway, i am just blown away by his complete "jerkness." i keep saying lets get along, be friends for the kids and he is being nasty. well anyway, he says that he DOES NOT want to see me, what the heck did i do.

my lawyer is filing for custody of my stepdaughter. he is not going to bring up the mother.

my WH said he will keep me on his will to be his beneficiary, to bury him in his Class A uniform, now he says he has changed his mind. he said he is taking me off his live ins and would consider putting the kids on it. WOW.

anyway.......i am just exhausted..feel like i am rolling over and dying. being run over by a steam roller!!!!

he said he is taking me off his live ins and would consider putting the kids on it.
I don't understand what “taking you off his live ins" means?

my WH said he will keep me on his will to be his beneficiary,
The portion of a will concerning a spouse is usually NOT valid after a divorce. It needs to be reaccomplished AFTER the divorce naming you specifically.

<small>[ June 07, 2003, 03:42 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

life ins......oops

Why is he acting this way.. "i cannot see you" "i dont want to see you"????????

what did i do. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Why is he acting this way
Because he is having an affair and it is not easy to do things like this to people you love.

kuljey,
You stated in another thread that XH abused you and the little one:

ok, visitation, my oldest DOES NOT want to be around him, fear of yelling and hitting. (he used to yell quite a bit--almost every other sentance, and hit me and the little one alot.) she said she would run away--she is his daughter from a previous marraige. she is 11. how do i protect them... ?

If that is true why send them at all until you go before the court and suggest supervised visitation.

If I had a true concern about the safety of my children I would forsake all visitation - whether I looked like an evil b!tch or not.

You claim you are sad he has left and does not want to be at home. HOWEVER, if he is abusive it seems as if you are all better off w/out him. tew

<small>[ June 07, 2003, 08:10 PM: Message edited by: tewjtm ]</small>

kulyey,
i wish i knew? i know how you feel , i kep going over things hes said in my head, things he or i may have done, what did i do to deserve this? and you know what i came up with, NOT ONE DARN THING!!
THEY ARE JUST BOTH BEING STUPID AND SELFISH!!
my h also said these things to me,when h was getting caught lying again. he would yell at me the most mean things things i never thought in a million years this man who loved me so much for 16 years, would ever say, I DONT WANT YOU ANYMORE!! I DONT LOVE YOU,JUST GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD, I DONT LOVE YOU!! IM JUST HERE FOR THE KIDS!!
i just know your pain,of wondering what the next day is going to b like good or bad? pain that some days is just so deep,it goes all the way through you, and all i want to do is lay down and dissapear,these are the days i just walk around and pray,pray out loud, pray in my mind.pray for god to deal with it for me, tell him i trust him to get me through this,and he has and i know he will continue to.
i still have my kids and best of all myself,getting stronger everyday. remembering my worth,and i keep tellng myself im loosing h <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> im sure, but he is loosing the most of all,the best thing he is ever going to get in this lifetime,ME!!!