My wife anounced she was having an affair with a married man 3 months ago. She also moved out at the same time.

I've been building the Love Bank from almost day one when we talk or meet once a week though I didn't know until recently what I was doing.

Wifes affair is crumbling. Her affiar partner told her it was over.

When do I send her my letter describing my faults reguarding our marriage? Now? or after she has time to go through some withdraw from her affair partner.

She tells me to move on and that to much time has past for us but I hope this isn't true. Our marriage had communication problems and it would seem so strange for things to just end without trying.

I know she must be spinning out of control as her world isn't what she planned and she just got dumped, kinda like she did to me. I took 6 weeks to come out of my fog.

What's my next move?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by goodguy007:
<strong>
I've been building the Love Bank from almost day one when we talk or meet once a week.
I know she must be spinning out of control as her world isn't what she planned.
What's my next move?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Goodguy,

FWIW, my advice is just keep doing what you are doing to build up LB$. I suspect you will have a "talk," as opposed to a letter.
I'm not sure writing it all in a letter is the way to go, as long as communication between you is good.

And you'll know when the time is right for that talk. DON'T push anything right now. She'll probably grieve for om for awhile (as ridiculous as that sounds, it's true!). Just be there for her....and she'll likely begin to notice, trust you again, and turn to you more and more....while your relationship begins to heal.

This all sounds good.

Good luck, and God Bless.

Looks like we are in the same situation. My WW's A ended a little over a month ago but so far she has shown no desire to return home or to work on rebuilding our M.
Ll is correct (in agreement with my IC) that your WW will now have to go through a grieving process that can take from three to six weeks. It is a good idea to give her some space right now and allow the fog to clear. She is going to experience depression, anxiety, and anger and the anger will almost certainly be directed at you. Not fair, but true. Be there for her only when she needs you, and show her kindness and concern.
While your WW was involved in the A (and in the fog) you were the bad guy and it is going to take her some time to see you as you really are. Trust that in time she will.

When do I send her my letter describing my faults reguarding our marriage?
What letter are you talking about? What’s it supposed to do? Where did you hear about it?

<small>[ June 09, 2003, 10:39 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

chris-ca123

The letter I was refering to was describing to my wife the things that I now understood I did wrong within our marraige regarding my support of her emotional needs. And how my actions likely made her feel. Basicaly when I did "x" she felt "y".

Just trying to show her that I've recognized my mistakes, her feelings and what repeating my actions would mean to our relationship.

we don't see each other very much (her choice) and I'm just trying to express myself to her. If its in a letter than she can read it now and maybe look back at it in the future should this not be the right time for her to fully digest what it says.

This stuff is usually written in a Plan B letter (you're not ready to go there yet).

I wouldn't write a letter too in depth about what you feel anything you feel was a problem.

Maybe something along the lines of, "I am looking at myself to find out what I may have done wrong and what I can change in my behavior which will be good for our relationship."

But right now she doesn't want much contact with you and if you point out your faults, she may say, "see, I was right to leave him because of x, y, z!"

I suggest you keep it very light & simple.

chris-ca123

Thanks for your advice and everyones imput.

I had some of the same thoughts about her turning my honesty against me while her worlds spinning out of control. I guess her fog will continue until her affair is over before she begins to see things with some perspective and clarity.

As I'm out of my fog I just see so much clearer now than I have in years. I guess I just want her to stop suffering and also see and feel what I'm feeling. Just looking for our marriage to have a chance and not end in this manner.

I will keep things light and supportive for now when she reaches out for me.