No2,
Please check your e-mail address that you gave me. Your e-mails are being returned undeliverable.
Thanks!

I just checked in and read your post on the 24th .

WOW that was great !

I mean , thats ecactly when I knew to throw in the towel (before fws came begging back before MB)

Thats how I felt , hey you are a women , tes a mom but you need to have an IDENITY of your own .

Go and get it , let the chips fall where they may .

I guess some call that PLAN B in away .

He knows the way back , thats it stop holding someones hand who is letting yours fall to the side all the time .

Leave those kids with a sitter 1 a week and live .

get the hair cut and do it up GIRL!!!!!

Find who you where before yo where a WIFE,and MOTHER !!!!!

ITs ok to do this it does not make you a bad mom , it will make you a happy one as well .

Good Luck to you !!!

I just checked in and read your post on the 24th .

WOW that was great !

I mean , thats ecactly when I knew to throw in the towel (before fws came begging back before MB)

Thats how I felt , hey you are a women , tes a mom but you need to have an IDENITY of your own .

Go and get it , let the chips fall where they may .

I guess some call that PLAN B in away .

He knows the way back , thats it stop holding someones hand who is letting yours fall to the side all the time .

Leave those kids with a sitter 1 a week and live .

get the hair cut and do it up GIRL!!!!!

Find who you where before yo where a WIFE,and MOTHER !!!!!

ITs ok to do this it does not make you a bad mom , it will make you a happy one as well .

Good Luck to you !!!

See I told you my mind is fried. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I am so sorry. Please try again.

<small>[ February 25, 2004, 07:22 PM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>

I'd skip the letter to him, Shugah. When BSs are ready to call it quits, they write letters saying so, get a whiny response from the WS, and that loops them back in and prolongs the death of the thing for days and weeks.

If you're truly done, just be done. Don't make any speeches or letters. He'll figure it out.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Hope you have a good day.lol

No2!
Very nice day, thankyou! I also recieved the following e-mail. "THANKYOU!!!", so I wasnt the only one having a nice day!

A.M. Martin
THe letter was sent on friday! It was long and filled with everything that I needed to say...WH probably won't get half of it but it felt good to write and SEND! I removed any mention of OW per Sparkles suggestion. IT was just about us and our children.
It feels as though a huge weight has been lifted from me. I've actually given myself permission to move on and have begun to do so!
I couldn't end a 20 yr. marriage with out getting some things off my chest! That's just me!

You are sounding good! I here what you are saying. Let the next door to your life open for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Well, if it works for you...

Hello <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Hope everything is good.

Things not so good really at the moment.

17 yr. old S issues. The past few weeks have seen a spiral in his behaviour, and yesterday things reached a low. He didn't come home last night, stayed at friends, the Dad called to let me know he was there and then S called me later.

I'm hoping I can get him to counseling, but that has been an uphill battle. He is very angry with WH and it is coming out in how he is behaving.

I'm sure it will work out...just trying to stand firm with him.

How bout you? I'll email when I have a minute, just been out straight or exhausted!

Update...after sending my 6 page kiss off letter 2 weeks ago, I was ready to move on.
I didn't expect any results except maybe anger or attitude at least from WH.

His next visit up to see the kids, resulted in his sharing that he wants to stop drinking...acknowledging that it may help him to think clearer about "things"...the A is not going well...hmmmm, who knew it wouldn't last!

He actually listened to me describe the A as an addiction also, something he never would have done just a few months ago!

I'm not sure he can do the work it takes to beat these addictions, however in his own words, "maybe the fact that I"ve admitted it is a first step". Let's hope so.

I'm still moving on...when and if the A stops completely, and I am still "available", I will do whatever I can to support him.

Fast forward to sunday night....I helped the A to a long overdue death! For now at least it seems to be over. Time will tell if it is over for good.

I called WH's cell to see if he had made a support desposit into my account. I could here bimbo in the background and her kids.

Well, nothing sets me off like the sound of her voice and 1/2 a bottle of wine!! LOL!

I called WH right back and proceeded to read him the riot act. "You lying piece of s#*t, you are no more "confused" than the man in the moon, you continue to do nothing to figure out what the hell you want....you are just scamming me with all this talk of trying to figure it out....

He hangs up...I call back, he won't pick up.

I don't give up! I call the OW's #, we talk briefly, just long enough to tell her that he's lying to both of us, tell her some of the stuff he's been saying to me...she says, "he said that?", OH YEAH BABY!, and then I drop the bombshell that I've been holding onto for a few weeks....
Did he tell you that we slept together?

Oh, I wish I could have been there for the fireworks...

I called her back when I knew he was probably gone...she called me a liar, because of course, he was denying it! I gave her enough details to make it believable...
Give her the message that she is just another one of his many addictions...(I've done my homework sweetheart!)
She asked me well, why would you still want him..."hmm, not sure that I do, can't believe a word he says...but I'm not giving up...but better yet, why do YOU want him, you know he's a liar and a cheat?
She replies.."yeah, I guess your right about that! Thanks for the info."

I believe it was about to end soon anyways...I just wasn't patient enought to let it die a natural death....

WH calls later..."are you happy now?, did you have your fun?"
OH, yes, dear, it wasn't bad for a sunday night!
He says,"I was going to dump her anyways, Dump her before I got dumped."
Oh please!

He spewed some venom for a bit...I hate you...I'm never coming back...blah, blah, blah!
I've heard this all before!

Then later, he was much calmer...talking about an amicable divorce, "generous" settlement, and then....what if I give up this job and can't find one back home, and then we don't get along, I won't have anything...I'm actually relieved, and I"m not drinking so I'm feeling better already"

Although said sarcastically, I wonder how much truth there is to that last statement! It's obvious he still hasn't a clue as to what he wants to do or should be doing.

He's so messed up right now...I hope his little bitty head is spinning like a top!

I'm not sure I'd even want the b*#stard back anymore...but man, I do like the way things are playing out!

I never knew vengeance would taste this sweet!

Amidst the pain and anguish that my children, teen, continue to exhibit...this pathetic excuse for a man continues to refuse to take ownership for anything he has done.
I'm sick to death of it!

Ah, but I had fun last night...out for a little "moving on" fun....What else is a girl to do!

Keep you posted...keep up the good fight people!

As they say, it's not over till the fat lady sings...and this ole mama has just begun to warm up the vocal chords!

Bravo, Shugah!!! I cheered when I read your post. Good going! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Shugah-

Isn't it amazing how a little pinprick of truth can burst a whole balloon? I applaud you for injecting justice into your life and the lives of your family, including your WH. No matter how this turns out you have maintained your stance that the A is wrong and you won't just accept it, even when it gets difficult. I'm picturing you with a cape, some tights and a mask, and something like "Super Shugah" across your chest. You go girl!

How are things with the house? Can you keep it? And the DV papers? And the kids, how are they doing?

Please take care of yourself, even superheroes need some rest.

Lablady

Great job WOMEN !!!!

Now sit back again and settle down , this is when you confuse the crap out of him , he may think that you stiring up trouble is that YOU will not move on at all .

Now no talking again , it will drive him crazy not knowing what you will do .

GET some rest and don't be suprised if this OW trys to stir up some trouble of her own , BE STRONG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stand your ground .

Mel,LL & 3,

Thanks for the support!
Yup, the DV is moving forward...WH knows what he has to do to stop it! Just not sure that he will.
Kids are doing ok considering.
17 yr.old was out of the house for a couple of weeks, staying with friend, for a "cooling Off" period. He's justifiably angry with WH.
He's home again and seems to be settling in...rearranging his room, etc. Good sign, that he's sticking around and I can keep an eye on him.
Finances still suck, so that's a day to day struggle. But we get by, somehow...

5 yrs. ago I never could have imagined being here, never mind surviving it!! I often wonder what another 5 yrs. will bring...
Life is funny that way....full of surpises!

Godd for you Sugar!!

I love Plan B!! Whether or not it brings home the WS, it still in the end brings about justice and a sense of control for the BS.

Now, as said above...be quiet and see what happens. There is a storm brewing at the OW's house. In the end, she wont be with him. And you might not want him either. But if you do, you will only allow him back when he is the husband he is supposed to be. Either way, you win!!

So, keep it up. I believe that relationship is now over. Now, let's see if there is any integrity left in that man.

In His arms.

Ok, I'll be honest, I'm a little on edge.

I want to be calm. But I know WH is angry. Tonight, when I called to get my weekly support amt., he was once again talking about a divorce settlement and making it quick.

He's not coming up this weekend to see the kids.

I'm really ready to move on, and I"m scared!
I'm scared that he'll finally figure it all out and I won't be here anymore.
I'm scared that it will take too long.
I'm scared that it won't happen at all.

2 weeks ago, he kissed his hand and placed it on my head....that meant so much to me at the time...he was really close to something...I could feel it....and now I feel as though it will never get to that point again.

On the other hand, we've been here before, and a hell of a lot worse.

I'm feeling less strong today than I have been in a long time. Maybe I'm just expecting too much too soon.
LOL!, it's only been 15 friekin months!

Thanks for listening.

Calm down, Shugah!

You can't answer all these questions right now.

Ever hear the expression "They'll get cool in the same skins they got hot in"? Who knows what's happening on his end.

All you can do is be consistent.

Thinking out loud here for a moment....

Let's assume the A is really over.
Let's assume WH is angry with me for my part in it's demise.
Let's assume then that there is some withdrawal also going on.

Is there anything I can do to help with the withdrawal, turn the anger around and ultimately lessen the probablility of the A's return?

Or should I continue to go on my way and hope that I have already laid the groundwork that will lead WH home should he choose to do so?

I want to assume that WH remembers the good stuff, will recognize what's important again, miss what he's turned his back on for so long and begin the journey home.

Does he need my help...or is this something that will have to be a solo journey?

I guess deep down I know. I've done all I can for now.